Friendship

I know, you thought I was done talking tonight didn't you? I've been thinking alot lately about my life. You know I have been thinking alot about my life and taking care of myself and my family. I've also been thinking alot about my friends.

I haven't been a very good friend to some people who are very dear to me. You know who you are. I haven't called you in ages, sometimes I forget to call you back and we'll go weeks without speaking on the phone. And sometimes we'll go months without seeing each other. Please know that this doesn't mean that I don't care about you.

As we grow older I think we look back on our life and we see the mistakes we've made. Hindsight is always 20/20! I don't mean to be a bad friend and I don't mean to be a shitty friend. Life just gets ahold of me and with four busy kids, school, work, a marriage, and a family life time just flies by so quickly. I can't even believe that it's November! I have even lost touch with my friends online. My good friend Beth and Connie, we haven't spoken in forever and I feel terrible about it. I haven't even had time for Facebook lately. I'm so busy posting to the Two Men And A Truck facebook site that I haven't had time to get to my own page.

So, it's a lousy excuse but I do feel bad and I am sorry. I do think of my friends all the time. I can't even remember the last time I hung out with Alice and Sally. We spent so much time together last summer and I didn't see them once this summer. I feel bad about it and I just haven't been a good friend. I'm sorry.

Sometimes things happen that make you take your life into perspective. I haven't had some great realization that I'm a shitty person or anything. I've just been thinking alot about my life and the fact that I'm getting older. I always take things so seriously and I am trying to remind myself to take the time to enjoy life. That includes making time for my friends. I'm sorry I haven't done that lately.

Still Plugging Away

I really am hit and miss on my postings aren't I? Well, I don't call my life "dieting mom in chaos" for nothing. I've had sick kids, Scott changed from second shift to day shift....holy shit has that but a kink in my routine. He's working 10 hour days, getting up at 3am, so that's been tough. He's really tired!

What does that mean for me? Well, to save on daycare costs I'm going in a little later and taking Sami to daycare with Aunt Addie. She LOVES going there. She begs me every morning to go there and play with Lauren. So, I'm working until close, which is 6pm. I'm used to being home by 4:30 and with the time change, it's dark outside when I come home.

So, alot of changes have been going on in the Watkins household. Lot's of football, Lowell is kicking ass all over the place. So we have really been busy with that. They play Portage Central this Friday and then off to Detroit. I'm still in my dieting crisis....for crying out loud.

Ok, I haven't been hard at it. I haven't gained any of my weight back since I met with Julie. I have lost a couple more pounds and that is good. With Scott's schedule change I am finding it harder and harder to workout. The only time I seem to have is in the morning and I am not good at working out in the morning. I'm so damn tired in the morning. When I get down onto the floor to do my workout, I have a hard time keeping my eyes open. Seriously.

I don't know who said it was better to work out in the morning because all the oxygen getting into my muscles makes me so tired. So, right now, I'm at a standstill. Still over 20 pounds gone since February but I'll be going back to see Julie in just four weeks and my goal is 10 pounds away for when I see her. I'm eating healthier and tyring to stay away from the junk. I've really done well.

My problem is the working out. I haven't been on the treadmill since Scott went to days. I know, it's a lousy excuse. I just don't knowwhat to do and I get home so late and I'm so freaking tired! I have to do something, and I have to get back on track. It'll happen.

Something terrible happened a week ago that really got my attention. You all know that I work for Two Men And A Truck. I love working for Two Men And A Truck, it's been my most favorite job that I have ever had in my life. One of our sister franchises in another state lost their Operations Manager to a sudden heart attack at the age of 43. He had a fiance a young child and soon to be stepkids. 43 years old! That is so freaking young, a year younger than Scott and three years older than me. I'm trying to say that it got my attention and it was a good reminder that I need to continue with what I started and take care of myself and my family.

I Can't Stop Crying

I don't know what to do right now. I can't stop crying because I have totally screwed myself the last two days. I have been working so hard to change my eating habits. I'm 40 years old and my eating habits and my metabolism sucks. So what do I do? I have spent the last two days eating like my old self.

What is wrong with me? I haven't done all of this work for nothing. I am wearing clothes I haven't fit into in a long time and I'm throwing it away....because of food.

I feel like I did good on my birthday. I didn't have any cake, then the day after the kids made me a cake so I had a tiny tiny piece and no icecream. I made sure I worked out too. Then 5 days later is Samantha's birthday. I have a tiny piece of cake and no icecream, and I make sure I work out. I even made sure to save calories both days to make up for eating a little piece of cake.

That was on Thursday. On Saturday, we went out to dinner with Kathie and Steve at Logans. It was so delicious. We got appetizers and I had a New York Strip, and even some rolls with butter. I ran my ass off on the treadmill on Saturday morning and I was careful all day with my calories because I knew we'd be eating out and having yummy food.

Then Sunday, Jason's 17th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON!!!!

It's like I went into funk mode. My baby is a senior in High School and he's 17 and will be graduating in 7 short months. Wow. On top of that, I'm friggin 40 years old.

Ok, so we have cake and icecream. I eat a small piece of cake and no icecream. To be honest, I may have even eaten two pieces of cake. I'm not even sure, isn't that pathetic? And then I make lasagna for dinner with garlic bread. Jason's request. I have two pieces of lasagna and two garlic breads. I think I could feel my arteries plugging up and the fat literally sticking back onto my ass.

I didn't work out Sunday. We had a busy day and a houseful of people. It was stupid, I should have been walking on the treadmil and I did laundry instead.

Now, here comes Monday. I made menu's up for Scott and I for the week. I shopped and made sure that I have healthy food. So, what do I do? I have a bagel for breakfast, not so bad I guess. I don't eat a snack, big mistake. Because then I was starving by lunch. Jenny went down to Broadway subs and bought us subs for lunch. Ham and cheese on white with lettuce and shredded pickles. It's a 15 inch sub for crying out loud, and I was so hungry I could have eaten every bite. Bad enough, I ate half and then brought the rest home for Jason.

By the time I got home at 4:45pm I was so starving. I really screwed up today. I warmed up two pieces of lasagna, then I had baked chips with it. A bunch of them, really, I ate a crap-load of them. Then I find myself rummaging through the cupboards because I think I'm still hungry. So then, I see the birthday cake sitting there from yesterday.

I'm actually having an argument with myself inside my head about this cake. Well, my stomach won and I ate....two....pieces of cake.

So, not a good diet day. I didn't work out either. I just didn't want to today and now I feel like hell because of it. I feel so full right now. I think my stomach shrank the last couple of weeks while I've been eating better, so I was so full that I just wanted to lay in the recliner.

Well, I didn't of course because I had to do laundry, dishes, and chase after kids.....but I sure would have been happy to lay in the recliner and eat a cupcake. (Don't worry, I didn't.)

I guess I'm just really disappointed in myself. I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in years. Scott keeps telling me how good I look and that I'm doing a great job, and keep up the great work. He's been so great about it, and then I go and have two bad days and I feel like total shit about it. I feel so bad that I can't stop crying because I don't want to put the weight back on that I've been working so hard to get off. But that is my typical cycle.

I want to break the cycle. I've emailed Julie and asked her to give me some advice to get back on track. I'm desperate. I have this black lingerie hanging in my room just waiting for me to lose 30 more pounds so I can put it on. I keep looking at a picture of myself taken 21 pounds ago and I don't want to look like this anymore. I'm miserable. I'm 40 and I need to make myself healthy so I don't die young. I want to see my grandkids grow up and see my great-grandkids. Why is this so hard for me to do? I know it in my head, but I can't get my stomach to stop.

For the first time in four or five weeks, I actually feel like I have gone back to "Dieting Hell".

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA!!!!

Happy 2nd Birthday to my baby girl, Samantha Renee!


Have you ever had a really good hair day and thought to yourself, "holy shit, I'm having a really good hair day". And it's like karma hears you and the very next day your hair has grown just enough overnight that you won't have another good hair day until your next haircut grows to the exact right length....for that one and only day? That's my life story.

Then, something weird happened to me. I had a really good hair day on Tuesday. I even said to Scott, "wow I'm having a good hair day". I knew what fate had waiting for me, and on Wednesday....I was right. It was down right ugly!

Then, out of the blue, I got up this morning and did my usual coffee and laundry etc. I worked out and then took a shower. And much to my amazement and disbelief.....another good hair day. I mean, I was completely speechless. Two good hair days in one week. That just doesn't happen.

Ok, so I'm wondering if it was just good karma because it's Sami's birthday today? I did have to go to Meijer....not that I give a shit about impressing anyone at Meijer, but I didn't want to look like a hag. It had to be some wild oddity and will probably never happen again....not in my lifetime anyways.

Let's get on with the formalities here. My diet. First of all, in my defense, I have a friggin cold cootie. Someone gave me their cold. Jason was sick, he got over it quick. John was sick...and he's been fighting it for a couple weeks (which Dr. Kern said this virus was lasting 3 or more weeks), then Jourdan got it. Well, I did everything I could to prevent myself from getting a cold.

Then, Tuesday morning I woke up with a sore throat and snotty nose. Wow, it was even on my good hair day. I'm taking cold medicine, but I still feel like crap. I ran my ass off on the treadmil last night but I didn't get down to it tonight. I feel bad about it. But I feel good that I worked out this morning, and diligently I might add.

Today when I got up I had some oatmeal, which I shared with Sami. Now that I think of it, that was pretty stupid since she is the only one besides the dog who isn't sick with a cold. Anyhow, when Scott got home from Biolife we decided to have Subway. Ohhhh Subway, I haven't eaten there in forever. So, I told him to order my usual.

After lunch, I started thinking about what I had just eaten and wondering how many of my 1800 calories I'd used up on this sandwich. So, I get online and start researching. The subs that Scott and I had for lunch were a whopping 1320 calories each. That's for a foot-long Italian BMT. I know, I know....get what you ask for. But 1320 calories? I could've had a whopper for that price.

So, that didn't make me happy. And of course all the fatty salami and such didn't agree with my stomach so I was sickly all afternoon. Serves me right for eating such a crappy lunch. I need to stick to the ham and turkey on wheat, 6". A foot long italian herb and cheese bread is 550 calories by itself. That is so ridiculous. I felt terrible after I ate it and to be honest, I have only eaten one other thing this entire day.

Today is Sami's 2nd birthday, so we had cake. I did buy icecream and I cut the cake pieces really small. So I had one very small piece of cherry chip cake with very light frosting. That's it. I wasn't doing it to starve myself, but I just feel shitty with this cold and have no appetite. A big slice of cheese pizza would be good right now, but that would really send me over the top. Anyhow, I have to get that out of my mind. I'm a little hungry, but it's after 10pm and I just took some cold medicine. I'm tired and I feel like crap so I'll wait for breakfast and hit the good old raisin bran. Been working for me so far.

At 8:30 I meant to go down to the treadmil tonight, but I just felt like hell. I got the kids in bed, got into my workout clothes and just felt so bad. Then Jourdan goes to take Bailey outside and a squirrel nest had fallen out of one of the trees in the back yard, thanks to the wind. It landed right in Bailey's kennel...where she does all her business. And there were babies in it.

So, I went outside, covered the babies up with the nest...using a stick. Closed the kennel door so Bailey couldn't go in and kill them, and then Bailey out to shit in the back yard. Happy happy, joy joy! Scott said we'll know by tomorrow if the mama is going to come and get the babies. Then we can take care of it and let Bailey back in her kennel for her job.

Ok, I'm outta here. Filled you in on my day. Complained about my cold, wished Sami a happiest 2nd birthday ever, and I'm ready for bed.

I Think I've Settled In

I'm not so crazy right now about being 40. I've tried really hard to set it aside. I don't feel any different than I did on Thursday of last week so I've decided to put it out of my mind for a while.

In the meantime, it's time for a Dieting Update!!!! Well, I have been working my ass off, literally, to lose weight. I've lost a few more pounds. I started thinking about this....since the end of February I have lost over 20 pounds! I especially notice it in my clothes. I'm trying really hard not to weigh myself everyday. My problem is that my water weight fluctuates so much, that I might be off by a couple of pounds from day to day.

I have to remind myself to step on the scale only on Fridays. I'm trying to make myself stick to it because that seems to be my best day. Here's the deal. I have found a way to lose weight. I did it before, and lost 40 pounds. Can't remember how I did it. When I look back at it I feel like it just fell off. Well, we both know it didn't just fall off. I just happened to find what worked for me at that time, and well lets face it, I was 10 years younger.

Back to what I was saying, I have finally found my way to lose weight. I'm being mindful of what I eat during the week. I'm trying very hard to stick to my diet. This week was very challenging, and I'll get to that in a minute. But on Saturday I don't diet. I'm not saying that I pig out and I don't get all crazy on junk food, but if I want pizza I have it. If I want chili, I make it. I know, I've already talked about my Saturday off thing.

I just hadn't realized that it was really working for me. I'm not dropping weight fast, but I'm not suffering either. I had to tell myself that I don't need to lose 50 pounds in 2 months. It took me ten years to put this weight on, it's not going to come off overnight. I have a better chance of sticking to my new way of eating if I'm not completely suffering.

Now, I made a HUGE mistake this week. I didn't do what I planned. I didn't make a menu for Scott and I, and I didn't diet shop. I randomly shopped and got healthy food but there was no menu to follow, so it wasn't necessarily a good week. I was getting home late from work and then scrambling to get dinner around. Asking four kids "what do you want to eat for dinner" at 6:00 at night is not a good situation.

So, with a menu, I planned everything out the night before. Tonight, I made my menu for the week. I know it's already Wednesday, but we can follow it the rest of the week and then use it for next week too. It has enough variety.

The other thing I'm doing is that I'm working out. I work out with my 3 pound weights every day. I know I already told you that I skipped Friday and Saturday, but I have more than made up for it this week. I have worked really hard, working out. I have a routine that I do and I started out with 10 reps of each thing. Trust me, 10 just about killed me. Now I am doing 15. There are certain things that I go back and do again. (The back leg lifts that will make my ass look sooooo goood, lol).

I even got Jourdan to work out with me a little bit here and there. She doesn't really need to lose weight but she needs to tone up her stomach. She doesnt' realize that very soon she won't be able to just eat what she wants. She has terrible eating habits and it's my fault. Jason has learned the hard way. He has gone back and forth being overweight, but not since Freshman year when he joined football. Now, he stays in shape thans to Noel Dean.

Ok, I got off track there. I guess I just wanted to say that things are going well. I worked out with weights today and I ran my butt off on the treadmill. I burned 20 more calories today than I did yesterday in the same amount of time. I'm using the incline, but mostly jogging. I have worked myself up to jogging further and longer. John was down there with me tonight and he loved it when I would jog on 5 or 6, then I would tell him when to kick it back down to 3! What a good kid.

You know, come to think of it....today was a really bad food day. I had almost forgotten about it in my rambling. I had a plain bagel for breakfast, a snack at work, and I brought some Progresso soup (100 calories) for lunch and never ate it. I don't know why, it just didn't sound good to me today. By the time I got home at 4:45pm I was so starving it was ridiculous.

This is when I make mistakes. This is the point that Julie told me NOT to get to. Six small meals a day...well didn't happen today. So, I get home and I'm looking in the fridge....nothing good to eat. Lots of fattening stuff in the freezer...pizzas, chicken pot pies, fudge bars, pizza rolls. I'm starving and I have no menu to follow, and I have not been grocery shopping. What is a girl to do?

Sami was hungry too, and cranky. She's been crying alot lately and really crabby. I think she's getting teeth. Anyhow, she wanted a snack too. So, I eat a cheese stick and I'm starving. I'm pacing in the kitchen and I'm looking in the cupboards. Sam get's out a box of pasta and wants me to make that, so I did. And, that's what the kids had.

I took my vitamins and cooked a chimichanga....or something like that. Anyhow, it had 310 calories, so it wasn't too awful. Once I had that and a huge glass of water, I worked out, did laundry and then went to the treadmill.

I was seriously struggling. I don't like that feeling....I can't let myself get that hungry because I was like a wild woman searching my kitchen. It was ugly. But I'm quite proud of myself for working through it and not eating myself to oblivion!

Good Morning

It's a new day! It's Sunday morning and the kids are watching cartoons. I'm drinking coffee and talking to you.

I finally feel like we are at the end of a really long and difficult week. I know that my woes are much less than that of others. So many people that are near and dear to me are going through difficult times in their lives. My sister, for one, and my online friend Scott Story, and even my co-workers Chris and Jenny (who I've become friends with). My troubles are small compared to what others are going through. Sometimes, life is a bitch and you just have to try to muddle through.

I think I've finally muddled through this week. I'm not happy about being 40. But my mom keeps saying that it's better than the alternative! LOL. Another thing she has been telling me, and I've probably already typed this.....you're only one day older than your were yesterday. Ok, I can live with that.

I've always known that I would turn 40 someday, lol, but in my mind I pictured being 40 as a whole different experience. What I pictured was that I would have finally gotten myself pulled together and I would be a thin and sexy 40 year old. People would look at me and say, "you're 40? I don't believe it!" (Hey, it's my little dream world ok, so don't laugh!)

I think these birthdays, like 30 or 40 or 50, etc make you look at your life. I wonder if we expect ourselves to have accomplished certain things at these incremental birthdays? I know that I did. For sure by the time I was fourty I would be thin! Well, didn't happen. But I'm working on it. And more diligently than I have in a really long time. Before, it was more of a "I want to look thin and sexy" kind of thing. Well, I don't know that I've ever been sexy, but I wanted to look good. At this point in my life, at 40, I'm looking at it from a health standpoint.

I don't want to die young. So many people die from things related to obesity. I have high blood pressure and I'm on the edge of diabetes. Dr. Kern scared the hell out of me by telling me all the bad things that can happen to someone with diabetes. And if you know me, you know that there is no way in HELL that I'm going to give myself an insulin shot every day. Not going to happen. I don't want to have a heart attack or a stroke, or any of those other terrible things that can happen to me because I couldn't control my eating and I didn't exercise. So, that's my new motivation! My health.

I'm going to stop thinking about my age. Hopefully now that my birthday has passed I will stop getting teased about turning 40. Kathie, bless her heart, didn't give me a "40" birthday card. The other ones I got were teasing about being 40. That's ok, I would do the same thing. When Tina turns 40, she better look out because she has been ribbing me like crazy! Well, she wants a stripper for her 40th birthday, which is only 3 years away. We'll see! ;)

So today I'm off to Costco with Kathie. And I have laundry to do, that's the excitement of my day. Tomorrow I go back to Biolife to try to donate plasma again. I'm trying like heck to do it so I can have extra Christmas money. I'm praying that it goes good and I'm able to donate. I'll be medicated so everything should be good, lol.

Last, but not least, I have been so busy that I have been out of touch with what is going on with politics these days. I haven't seen OReilly in a week, for crying out loud! I'll have to go over to Scott's blog and see what's going on. You know how I like to bitch about politics, but I haven't watched the news in a week, so I can't even complain about Obama because I don't know what's been happening. Except the Nobel Peace Price! How ridiculous! What was he awarded that for? Because he is the first black president? Really, who gives a shit. He hasn't done anything, in my opinion, to make world peace. He's just looked the other way while Iran is making nuclear bombs and sending up test rockets.

Enough about that, I'll have to actually watch the news and see what is going on before I go too far, lol. Thanks for listening.

40 YEARS AND A DAY

I was pretty harsh on Scott with my post yesterday. First of all, I've been dreading my 40th birthday since I turned 30. I think that the last several months it had escalated and I kept telling everyone I didn't want cake, I didn't want a big deal about it....that's exactly what I got and then I got pissed. Well, that wasn't fair.

I shouldn't make excuses, maybe just a thought or two on what my problem was. I think that age bothers some people more than it bothers others. I wanted to forget the age part, but enjoy the birthday part. So, I'm sure I was sending mixed signals out to Scott. I know I made him feel bad, he made me feel bad...it was just a bad situation.

But today, all is well. When I wrote last night, I was completely exhausted and emotional. I started the day very early, spent a shit load of money renewing license plates, then rushed off to a football game and sat in the pouring rain for two hours before the game and then they didn't even let Jason play. The Defense was barely on the field. I have the same problem with Lowell Football that Scott does, and many other parents. The coaches have their favorites, and if your child isn't one of them they may or may not play. The score was 42 to 7, don't you think they could afford to put some of their second string kids in to let them have some play time?

Ok, I'm not going to bitch about football. It upsets me and there isn't thing one I can do about it. When I got home last night I'd been in the cold rain for over four hours, I was wet, I was cold, and I was sad that it was my 40th birthday. I took it out on Scott. I picked a fight with him over it when I got home and promptly apologized. I know when I'm wrong.

I think that sometimes men just need to be reminded that they need to make days that are special to women, special. Today, was a great day. I am over that 40th year birthday hump and I am telling myself not to think about it.

I've been working my ass off to get the weight off my ass, lol. I've lost, since Feb, 21 pounds and I feel pretty damn good about it. I put on my leather coat yesterday and I showed it off for my family and friends tonight. It felt really good to put it on and zip that thing up.

The only thing I feel bad about is that I didn't exercise this weekend. Well, Friday and Saturday. Shame on me! I'm going to really work out tomorrow. Well, Scott and I had some fun and I'm sure that I had at least 20 minutes of aerobic activity, lol. Shhhhh! ;)

Tomorrow I'll get myself on the treadmill. That's what really burns the calories. I like working out with the weights best, but the treatmil is the most calories to burn. So, that's what I'll do.

Today was a good day. I went to lunch with Kathie and the kids, we had munchies while we watched the Ohio State game. I tried really hard not to overeat, but then Kathie and the kids went and bought me a cake. I had a piece of chocolate cake after dinner and it was so good. I didn't eat any snacks tonight. Scott had donuts for a snack, but I refused. That was really hard. I thought about popcorn or some of the pringles stix. I changed my mind.

We make choices every day. For someone who is dieting and trying to lose weight, it can be a moment to moment choice. It's a constant battle. I just need to make sure I get back to working out tomorrow. I should have tonight, but the day got away from me and we had company all day. At least Ohio State beat Wisconsin. That was good!

The Blues

Today, I turned 40 years old. 40 years old. I still can't even believe it, I'm looking at it. It's staring me right here on the screen but I still don't think I can wrap my head around it.

Honestly, I've had a shit day. It started out by spending $220 at Secretary of State to renew my license plate, along with Jasons truck. I did meet up with Tina in Ionia and we shopped a little at Walmart and had some lunch. Actually, the morning didn't start out so bad.

Maybe I should start with what is making me feel good in my life. I weighed myself yesterday and five more pounds are off of me. I'm starting to see a difference. My leather coat that has hung in my closet for over two years....well I pulled it out today and put it on. It was actually a little baggy on me. I was comfortable with it on. The ultimate test was my pants. I bought some pants last year at Christmas time but they were too tight so I've never worn them. I pulled them out of the closet, put them on, and they were too big for me. To the point that they looked ridiculous on me.

Well, that made me cry. It was so hard to start, to actually make myself start working out and to watch what I was eating. Finally, I've had enough and I'm doing something about it. I'm sick of looking at myself in the mirror and hating myself.

Unfortunately, my birthday didn't really come at a good time. I've been upset about being 40 because.....well, just because. I don't have to give a reason. I cried when I turned 30 and now todya I've cried because I've turned 40 years old.

The kids had gifts for me. They were nice and very thoughtful gifts that Jourdan had picked out last week when she went shopping with Scott. They got me the best, yummiest smelling candles. I can't wait to start burning them. Anyone who knows me, they know that I LOVE candles and I will burn candles all winter long.

I also got a new journal and a small address book that sorta matches my purse calendar. I was quite pleased and appreciated the wonderful gifts the kids gave me.

Scott worked half of a day, but didnt' want to go to the football game. So he stayed home with the kids. When I got home he was already in bed....not even 10pm and he was in bed asleep. I had hoped he would be up and we could have a couple beers with Tina. Was that too much to ask? For the first time in my life I didn't get a cake on my birthday from Scott and the kids. Rob bought me one at work yesterday and it was delicious. Boy did I work out yesterday after eating a piece of chocolate cake.

I yelled at Scott when I got home for not putting any effot into any day that is important or special to me, specifically. There will never be a birthday go by for my husband or kids that I didn't have a cake for them. I guess I'm just upset over my birthday, honestly I didn't want the big deal made. I just want Scott to make me feel special on special days. Sometimes he hurts me so much. And then when I tryt o talk to him, he turns it around on me and then I am the one who ends up apologizing.

So, it hasn't been the best day. I'll be glad when it's over and I can start over with tomorrow.

Dieting Hell Update

Ok, I have to admit, I'm not really in dieting hell. I have felt like a new person since I met with Julie, the Nutritionist at Metro Health Hospital! She was the answer to my prayers.

I have stopped weighing myself every single day. I decided that I was obsessing about what the scale says and not focusing on how I look and how my clothes were fitting. I felt really good this week. I didn't workout on Sunday, and I felt guilty as hell about it all day. I just felt like my muscles needed a rest. Today, which is Thursday, I think I feel stronger because I let myself rest. I was only doing 10 reps of each part of my body I was working and now I'm doing 12.

Since we talked last....I can't remember where I was at but over the last week I've lost another 2.5 pounds or so. I really noticed it the first cool day we had this week. I haven't worn long pants to work since last winter and I had to break them back out because I was freezing my ass off. I actually had to wear a belt. I was so excited. There is a brown shirt I wear alot and that was even loose on me. Victory!

I think that the things that are surprising me the most is that I don't feel like I am dieting. I feel like I am making positive changes in my life, and getting healthier in the process. Making better food choices. I still had two hotdogs at the Varsity football game on Friday, but I've been working out like a mad woman so I think I'm kicking in my metabolism.

I have a long way to go, but my black lingerie that is hanging in my bedroom is only 36.5 pounds away. Alot less than the last time I wrote. It feels good, and I have had people ask me if I have lost some weight. That makes me feel super good. I know it's not much, but it's pounds that are gone that I will NEVER see again.

Luckily, at the beginning of this I got on some anti-anxiety meds from Dr. Kern. Let me tell you, life in the Watkins household has been freaking insane. I'm not saying that things are stressful between Scott and I, its not that at all. We have the best relationship! The stress comes from finances, work, kids.....oh the kids have been driving me crazy lately. They are bickering like crazy. Sam has been the crabbiest ever. As I type this, she has just started whining in her bed. I don't know what her problem is, but she is cranky.

She has had a fever and I think she is cutting some more teeth. I guess that will do it.

Back to my transformation. I've taken a before photo and once I get to my goal weight I'm going to post a before and after. You will be shocked! SHOCKED! Because I am not going to fail this time. I'm meeting with Julie at Metro Health again in December and I am not going to let myself or her down. I'm also going to wear this black little nightie that I have hanging in my bedroom for Scott. Maybe on Christmas Eve or something. Wouldn't that be a nice little present?

I feel good right now. I admit though, today I was off my game. I had some taco's from Taco Bell. But Julie told me that if I had a craving to go ahead...but in moderation. So, I did. I didn't pig out, I didn't go crazy and eat 10 taco's or anything. But I ate a couple taco's and ealier in the day I worked my ass off for 45 minutes. I'll do the same thing tomorrow.

Tina told me that I could have her mini-trampoline. That will be helpful to get more of an aerobic workout. Honestly, I hate to walk on the treadmill. Seriously, I hate the walking and jogging. I know that I'm losing weight right now by working out with weights and a little bit of cardio. At some point I'm going to have to kick it up a notch and start some heavy duty cardio workouts. I need to remind her about the trampoline because I want to get started on it NOW. I like having a change of pace. I'm not bored with this "diet" and I am motivated.

Now that I have started to lose weight, I want to work harder to lose the weight. I want to work harder to feel better. I want to live a long and happy and healthy life. And you should see Scott, he's losing too and he is looking soooo good. Makes me want to jump on him......if he was ever home, lol. He's been working so much lately that I barely see him and when he is home he is getting caught up on sleep. It's ok, we'll make up for it later.....when I can wear my skinny black lingerie.

A New Discovery

This morning, I discovered that my husband Scott is a guy!

I'm always singing his praises because he's such a good guy and for the most part he is.....I don't want to say sensitive........he is "aware" of my needs. He's not typically a self-absorbed type of guy and he knows when I need a little extra assurance.

He's been working alot lately and we haven't seen much of each other. I've been bitching about this asthma that has been bothering me the last couple of weeks, and it makes me cough and cough and cough. So, I take cough medicine at night and it makes me sleepy. So, typically I'm asleep when he gets home. My point is that, after work is usually when Scott and I have a half hour or so to actually talk about our day and just catch up on what's happening in the family. Hasn't been that way the last two or three weeks.

If you read my last post, you know that I've had a couple of rough days. I was trying to talk to Scott about it this morning. I was telling him that I felt like I overate, but what I ate wasn't terrible. It was just too much. As I'm talking, he's not really responding and finally he says, "I'm sick of hearing about it, ok! You just need to have some discipline."

WHAT? Did you suddenly turn into a typically misunderstanding husband? Did you suddenly forget to have empathy for your wife?

At the moment, he doesn't have a clue. It reminded me that men don't understand the ups and downs in the life of a woman. This is not male bashing. They just really don't understand. Some are more sensitive to the issues we have, but they really just don't get it!

So, it pissed me off.

He's gone to Biolife now and I'm going to exercize....so maybe it did motivate me. It also told me that I need to find someone else to be my backup person to confide in and be accountable to. This time though, I better pick a girl!

Hoping To Have Better Days

For any woman who has ever tried to lose weight, you know where I am at right now. I've had a tough couple of days and I guess I need some moral support.

First of all, dieting sucks. When I met with Julie she told me that I should look at the Dash eating plan as a way to change my life. A way to change my eating habits. Bullshit! Changing your eating habits, after 39 years of bad eating habits is hard. I'm not talking about colonoscopy hard.....It's beyond that! Come on girls, you know what I mean.

I'm in blue today. There is a reason for that. I'm terribly upset with myself for straying. Here's what happened, and you can tell me how bad it was. I weighed myself Tuesday morning. I was on top of the world because it was the least that I have weighed in over 3 years. I was thrilled.

I went to work, I left late for some reason.....you know how crazy mornings can be when you're getting kids around for school. Well, I forgot to eat breakfast......so in a crazy fury I ate a little bit of raisin bran. Then, I was out the door. I did make a lunch the night before so I had that at my advantage. I ate an apple when I got to work because I was starving.

At lunch time, I had brought boneless chicken breast that I had cooked in Italian dressing. It was chopped up and mixed with lettuce, one of my favorite things. Here is where I went wrong. I brought a pita to work because I like to stuff the chicken etc into the pita as a sandwich. Well, I cut the pita in half...and proceeded to eat both halves. I also ate a smal baggie of baked lays.

When I got home, I was starving. Not a good thing, because I still had to make dinner. Jason doesnt' get home until 6 - 6:30ish. So, I knew we wouldn't eat until then. So, I ate an apple. I had Scott put a roast into the crock pot and had Jourdan add carrots and baby potatoes. I figured it would be done around 6pm and I could mostly stick with the veggies and be ok for the day. Well, 6pm showed up and the roast wasn't even near done. I guess when Scott put it in the crock put, he put it on Low. It didn't get turned onto High until Jourdan got home. In a nutshell, it wasn't done until 8:00!

What are my options? Last minute dinner and the kids are starving. I'm starving and crabby about it. So, I decide on Spaghetti. Not exactly a diet food. In my mind I keep thinking portion control, Tracy. Just think about portion control! Well, I blew it. I had a scoop of spaghetti with sauce and then I added the parmesean cheese. WHY DID I ADD THE CHEESE? Then, a SECOND helping. I let myself get too hungry and I had a second helping of spaghetti. WHY? WHY? WHY? I don't know that I was still hungry but it's like this mechanism kicked in in my brain that said....EAT EAT EAT. Why do I eat when I'm not that hungry? If I knew the answer, I would be a size 4!

On top of all that, the entire day I was having this crazy, and I mean crazy, craving for salt. I think because I know I'm on a low-salt diet I want it even more. It was literally driving me nuts wanting salt. I could have taken the salt shaker and dumped it in my mouth.

I'm wondering if my body is just going through some withdrawals. I explained to Julie that I get to about the third day and I just poop out on any diet I've ever tried! This is about the right timing. I did work out a little bit last night. I tried doing my regular workout with weights, but my upper body is pretty sore. I have at least worked out, to some extent every day.

So began a fresh new day today. John has been sick so I knew I had to get to work bright and early and then leave by 12:30 so I could be home in time for Scott to go to work. First mistake, left the house without eating breakfast. I had a little bit of leftover diced chicken and lettuce at work so I put just a little bit of light italian on it and had it for lunch....at 11am. I know, its early but I was so hungry. I even drank a coke at work. I haven't had pop in.......seems like forever. I don't even think I finished it all.

I got home and for lunch I had a bowl of soup with some crackers. When I am dieting it's like I become obsessed with food. Like last night, and it was late, I had some baked chips and two or three dill pickle spears. Not too bad, unless you consider the salt intake. So what do I do? I eat the same thing again after eating my soup.

Then I found myself rummaging through the fridge and the cupboard. WTF! Something Julie told me jumped into my head. When I start behaving this way I need to stop and ask myself why I am eating. Am I hungry? No, I wasn't hungry. Am I bored? Yes, I was bored. Am I stressed? Yes, I am very stressed about the kids and about our finances right now. It's a short pay week for work and it's a tight money week. Why did I want to eat? I wasn't sure, but I did know that it wasn't because I was hungry.

So, I poured a huge glass of water and got out my hand weights. I worked out for about 20 minutes and then took the kids for a walk. I wasn't gone long, 20 or 30 minutes.....but at least I did something. Right now, I have chicken in the oven. I took the skin off before I seasoned then and put them in the oven. I'm going to make some rice and greenbeans.

Right now, I'm tired and sore. I'm so tired that I feel like I could take a nap. But, I have more laundry to do and I need to get the rest of our dinner started. I pray that I have the strength to keep my portions under control. I don't want to do the exercize for nothing. I don't like to walk, but it's the best thing for me to do. I'm just looking for some strength. Scott is usually my strength but he has been working so much that I have hardly seen him in the last week and a half. So, I'm feeling very weak right now.

I hate being hungry. I don't even know that I was hungry, seriously. I am just so used to eating what I want and overeating when I'm not even hungry. It's so stupid. Lord, help me break this cycle of overeating.

Well, that was on Monday. The only bright spot in all of this was that I did exercize...a little. I worked with my weights for about 20 minutes. I didn't walk. I just felt like crap because I knew that I overate.

Health Care Scare

I just have to sound off about something. Scott was telling me over the weekend that if this Obama healthcare plan passes one of two things are going to happen. We will either lose our current health insurance, or Carbonne is going to increase the rate, substantially, that we have to contribute to keep the insurance we have.

It's hard to know what to believe. To me, the government doesn't know how to run anything. Whatever they touch, they mess up, there is so much beauracracy and waste that it makes me sick. I think that's what will happen with a government run health care.

If you were an employer, what would you do. Would you continue to offer health insurance as a fringe benefit to your employees, or would you say screw it and get rid of it...making your employees get onto the government plan? I know that our insurance for our family is over $500 a month. Multiply that by 100 em,ployees and tell me what you would do as an employer.

We will end up in the government run health care. They compare it to Medicaid (the Dems that is). Let me tell you, I have experience with Medicaid. When I was faced with Jason and Jourdan not having insurance, thanks to their still unemployed dad, I had to apply to the state for MIChild. I pay for the kids to have the insurance, he doesn't, I do. It is deducted from the amount of child support that he pays in...but it's deducted from the amount that they send to me.

So, the kids have had the Medicaid type insurance for the last four or five years. Jourdan has terrible allergies but they won't cover allergy medicine because you can buy it over the counter. Well that shit doesn't work for her so she is out of luck. We have to see a particular doctor if we want the appointment to be covered under the insurance. I've also discovered, after Jason's shoulder injury, that it does not cover many things that he has needed.

Did you know that football is considered an extra-curricular activity and the insurance company does not feel that he "needs" to play. They don't want to cover the things that he needs to protect his ankles and shoulder, because it's an extra-curricular activity. WTF! So, $300 or so later I'm sitting here wondering how this government plan will be better than the BCBS that Scott and I have right now.

I had Sami by C-Section at Metro Health hospital. My bill ran over $20,000 and I didn't have to fork out one single penny of that. Blue Cross picked up every dime of it. Bless their hearts, they have been the best insurance we have had and it makes me sick to think of losing this great insurance that we are very lucky to have.

I was lucky tonight to get a call for a "PHONE TOWN HALL MEETING" with Rep. Vern Ehlers. I was not able to ask my question, because they ran out of time, but I was able to leave a message and was promised a phone call back within a day. I was happy about this and look forward to hearing what he has to say about the health care reform. I'll update you when I hear something.

The Lowell PInk Arrows

To your right you will see a photo of Jason wearing his 2009 Pink Arrows Jersey. On September 11, 2009 the Lowell "Pink" Arrows played in honor of cancer victims and survivors. Jason played in honor of Scott's mom, Janis Watkins, who died of lung cancer 3 years ago. Scott walked across the field with Jason and Janis' name was announced. It makes me cry when I watch the video because I am so proud of Jason and Scott. You'll see the name Watkins on the back of Jason's jersey. It was so special to us that he played in this Pink Arrow game, even having his name announced several times for tackling players from the Grand Rapids Union High School.

The September 11, 2009 game was so incredibly amazing. It was a sea of pink in the stands. The pink parade of band members, cheerleaders, and players was led down the path from the highschool by two police cruisers and a firetruck! It was an amazing sight. I cannot describe the pride that I felt that my son was part of this event.

Jason had the opportunity to choose who he wanted to play for, and he chose Grandma Jan. It's my hope that she was watching over Scott and Jason that night and saw that we remembered her in this way and that we think about her every day. We really miss her.

Jan was so young when she died. 64 years old, and Scott's dad John (who we named our John after) died of cancer at the age of 59. To me, I have this fear that if Scott and I don't do something to make our health better, we won't live a long life and see our grandchildren grow up. John and Sam are very young and I want to see their children grow up. I want to see Jason and Jourdan's children and grandchildren. Having high blood pressure and high cholesterol is not the answer to that goal. So here we are, working to get healthy.

I was sitting in the stands and happened to look over to where the band was playing before the parade started and I saw Scott Story. Actually, I saw him from the back and on the back of his t-shirt it simply said "Story". I hoped to go over and say hi to him, but there were about 3000 people between the two of us. It made me think of Dee and how Scott is way to young to have lost his young wife. I think about him alot, even though we don't know each other well. But his loss of Dee has touched my heart and makes me think of my own health and my dear husbands health. Losing two parents at such a young age, scares the hell out of me.

So, now you know my thought process and my motivation. To get healthy. I don't need to be a size 4. I just want to be healthy. I want to see my children grow up and I want to see my grandkids and my greatgrandkids. It's that simple.

A New Beginning

I'm on the edge of a new beginning. Yesterday I was writing about seeing the Nutritionist. I think that was a good thing. I've had a chance to go through all of the information she gave me and I've been on the website she gave me for some extra help.

After leaving her office I felt like, that's it? A bunch of papers and I'm on my own? Well, I'm not really on my own. I did some good things yesterday, meaning I got off my dead ass and did something.

Today, it's 11:00 in the morning and here I am, on my day off, and I've done two loads of laundry, cleaned up the house, and I've worked out with weights. They are just little five pound hand weights, but at least I did something. Julie told me to start with 20 minutes a day, so that's what I did. Believe it or not, I got my heart rate up and I broke a sweat. That tells me I'm doing something.

I must have a rush of oxygen to my muscles because I feel a little jittery. I think I read that somewhere. When you've been doing nothing for so long, and then you start exercizing your body gets a rush of oxygen to areas that haven't gotten it for a while, and you feel a little jittery. It's not a bad feeling, maybe it's the endorphins releasing into my system.

I'm supposed to have Scott here for my moral support, to keep me on track. He's been working alot of OT this week, so I haven't seen him. Seriously, I have seen him for about 5 minutes each day and that's hardly time to talk about anything. He get's out of work at 6pm tonight, but we'll be at the football game, so I guess we'll catch up with weekend. I wonder if he even noticed the lingerie hanging on the bedroom wall when he came in last night at 12:30??? Probably thinks I'm nuts.

OMG, Samantha is being such a little shit head this morning. John is at school so its just Sam and I. I'm on the computer so she is doing everything she can to get my attention. Touching the computer, changing the TV, pausing the TV, getting into the cabinet under the TV, getting into the silverware drawer, getting into the junk food cupboard (which is pretty empty), trying to drink my water, pulling the dogs tail.....I could go on and on. What a little creep!

Spongebob is her favorite and I have that on....the movie...but she would rather have my full attention.

Back to my new beginning. I haven't started the food portion yet. I had to get through all of the information that Julie sent home with me. I need to make a menu and a shopping list. And taking any children shopping with me is NOT an option. How can you look at labels and make sure that you are getting what you want when you are fighting with three kids to keep their hands off everything ont he shelves. Good heavens, talk about stress! So I'll shop tomorrow.

I did a good thing, food wise yesterday and today, and a bad thing by eating a brownie. But starving myself and never allowing myself to have anything good will surely set me up for failure. The great thing is that I have Dr. Kern working with me, and the dietician working with me. Scott wants to get 20 more pounds off.....he did his weight loss the wrong way last time and put some of it back on. It's different for men, we all know that.

So, I know I'm rambling on, but this is going to be my sounding board for those tough days. You can read my posts, or you don't have to. It just feels good to get these frustrations, as well as the successes in print. I feel good that I've finally come to a point where I want to do something good for myself.

I'm going to end this post for now. I want to write about the pink arrow game. This is sorta what got me going in this direction with the dietician. More about that in my next post.

Thanks for listening.

Dieting Hell Back In Action

Something crazy happened since my last post. I usually look at the number of visitors I have and it's been around 200. I haven't been on for a while, I'll talk about that in a minute. Low and behold I've had over 11,000 hits on my blog. WTF! One post about Obama and his socialistic ways and I get that many hits on my blog? I'm in shock!

I know I've been away for a while. I have been on Facebook, a little bit. I just haven't been in the mood. I've been moody and depressed. Who wants to listen to all that bullshit right?

So, here is what I have done to get out of my funk. I started going to Biolife to donate plasma. I thought it would help out some people and it would help us out financially at the same time. Problem is, my blood pressure went so friggin high because I had myself so worked up nervous, that I couldn't donate.

So, I went back again and the same thing happened. I guess third times a charm because I finally got through the physical process and donated my first plasma. Well, I haven't been able to since because I have my blood pressure under control, thanks to drugs my doc gave me....but my resting pulse has been around 123 ish. Ok, that's not good.

So, back to the doctor I went. Got on two different types of meds and we'll see what happens. So, you know by all this that we have tight finances. Who really wants to donate plasma? If you know me, you know that I am extremely scared of needles. I just told myself to suck it up.

Well, I'm still working on that.

Do you remember the whole reason I started this blog? It was to be about a struggling mom's journey for weight loss. To date, I've lost a total of 9 pounds. Whooptie Doo! 9 fucking pounds! I told Dr. Kern to get me some help or I'm going to have some kind of surgery to get back to where I want to be....45 pounds ago. This was a month ago.

Yesterday, I went to Metro Health Hospital and met with a dietician. It's the first step on the road to the new me. I had a nice meeting with Julie, but not what I expected. See, I have high blood pressure so the diet she wants me to work on is focussed on that. It's not exactly what I was looking for, but realistically its what is best for me.

I was telling her I have a goal outfit and she told me to take it out of the closet. So, today I did. It's hanging right in my bedroom where I can see it every single minute that I am in here. Maybe I need to hang it from the refrigerator? There's a thought, even though it is lingerie. I bought it when I met Scott, but I was still a little shy so I never wore it. So now, I need to get 45 pounds off of this body to be able to show him how good I look in it. There it is....staring at me right now. Swaying slightly from the fan. Black silky thinness, just waiting for me to slip it over my body....when its' 45 pounds lighter!

So I know you've heard this speech before, but now I have someone that I'm really accountable to. Julie. She also told me to trust Scott. She told me to get on the scales in front of him. OHHHH THE HORROR! I was prepared to do it, but was freaking out a little. Scott told me not to worry and that he only needs to know the number that I have lost. I"m ok with that.

I'm so tired of me. Does anyone else feel that way? I'm so tired of what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I'm ashamed at what I've let myself become. I'm emotional about it. I swear, the first 30 minutes of my meeting with the dietician I was crying my eyes out. She must have thought I was nuts.

She gave me a stack of information to go through and some goals to set. So, that's what I'm working on tonight. I know, I'm not doing that....I'm on my blog. However, I've read through most of it today and I need to shop. I need to get rid of the foods that are bad for me that I can't resist. I also need to discover what my triggers are. Boredom, anxiety, stress, and that nagging hungry feeling. Gawd I hate feeling hungry.

To make things even better, my asthma is just kicking my ass the last two weeks. What on earth is in the air? What did Julie tell me? Ragweed pollen? I'm so miserable. I was reading a post on Facebook from Scott Story. He was saying to someone that she was laughing cos she thought he was silly or something, and he replied that "he was laughing because he just farted". My first thought was that I was laughing because everytime I cough I need to pee! For crying out loud, TMI!

Ok, so this is my last ditch effort. I really don't want to go through any surgery. But, I also don't want to die when I am 50 years old. Practically everyone in my family, on my moms side, is a diabetic. Can you imagine me giving myself shots every day? Not bloody likely!

I did do a couple of good things today. I worked out with some hand weights for 20 minutes or so. Then I walked to the school and back to get John, that was about 30 minutes. Then tonight I took Sami and John for a walk for about an hour. I know it's not much, but I feel good for doing it. I know I'll make mistakes, like the brownie I just ate, but in my defense I haven't gotten through all the paperwork yet and I need to buy the appropriate foods for this to work. It's never good to let a good brownie go to waste. Even though that's exactly where it goes, right to my waist.

I'll keep you updated. Hopefully, I won't let you down this time. I know I've said that so many times before. I just can't stand myself anymore.

Where To Cut Back?

Here it is, almost 1:00 in the morning and I'm sitting up reading articles about Obama's health care bill. Seriously, it's so bad for our country. How can any person look at what he is proposing and tell me that it will be good for our country?

Increased taxes, less choices, job losses! Then, lets add on Cap and Trade. Another tax increase that will affect every single household in the United States. President Obama is trying to turn us into California.

I have to laugh because I was watching a political panel discussion on health care, I've watched so many lately that I can't remember which. But they were saying that even the French were making points in telling us that Obama is a little too left for them. Socialist european countries think that our President Obama is socialist. Hmmmm! Isn't that an interesting nugget?

Scott and I have been discussing the upcoming elections quite a bit. (My Scott, not you Scott...lol). We are almost getting the feeling of a big shift in our government in the 2010 elections. Sure, Obama is popular right now....on a personal level. His programs, not so much. You put another year under his belt and there is going to be some disgruntled people. If this health care thing passes on top of Cap and Trade, the Independent voters that got Obama elected aren't going to feel so generous to all the Democrats who are running for election next year. Just my gut feeling. You know what they say about woman's intuition.

I feel so bad for my boss right now. You all know that I work for Two Men And A Truck as their bookkeeper. The owner of our location is the best guy. He treats his employees and customers with respect and is a generous person. He is so beside himself right now with all the proposed changes Obama wants to force on us. As a small business, we will be financially devastated if and when some of these taxes and so-called reforms are put into place. The first thing that will happen, and this is what our banker told us to do today, lay off employees!

I'll say that again, LAY OFF EMPLOYEES!!!

A while back we got a lead on a move of a large factory in Grand Rapids. The name of the business escapes me at the moment, but they made pin ball machines. Well, we were in negotiations for months with this company to store some of their museum products in our warehouse storage, and do all the moving to a new local location. We were looking at a move near $100,000.

Luckily, the state of Michigan does not care about business loss. Without some sort of tax breaks and SBA help to purchase a new location, the company has decided to move to Mexico. I think that we'll see a pattern of this happening if all of these Obama changes going into effect. We'll see businesses packing up and heading for Mexico where they don't have all of these tax issues! You mark my words, because that is what will happen.

What Is Happening To Our Stimulus Money?

Squandering the Stimulus Part 7000

Posted by: Carol Platt Liebau at 3:40 PM
Remember Democrats' outrage about the no-bid contracts in Iraq and post-Katrina on the Gulf Coast? From Nancy Pelosi on down, they promised "reform" of the process. And that's even when there were some defensible reasons for no-bid contracts -- especially given the unique conditions in Iraq and the urgency of getting repairs completed for those who had been devastated in New Orleans and elsewhere in Katrina's path.In light of all this, surely the same Democrats will be equally outraged to learn that millions of taxpayer dollars of the stimulus package are being wasted on no-bid contracts for repairs on military bases.

Apparently, as the linked AP reveals, "[b]idding and its delays can be avoided by federal rules that permit contract awards to small and disadvantaged businesses without competition."It would be interesting to know who the "small and disadvantaged businesses" receiving the contracts are, wouldn't it? Is the stimulus money simply being funneled to friends of politicians and/or the "right" groups of "disadvantaged" people?


Well, this certainly gives us something to think about. It doesn't matter what side of the aisle they are on, the nitpicking continues. What's good for them isn't necessarily good for me. Do as I say, not as I do. The bloody world of politics.

Obama v. Obama Stimulus Package

Please, you gotta read this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2MjQ17kDng

http://www.popmodal.com/video/2963/Ann-Coulter-on-Geraldo-Biden-is-Delusional

Where Are We Going?

Wow, there is so much going on in this world politically! Seriously. Where should I start?

Let's talk about Sotomayor. Does anyone believe one thing that is coming out of her mouth during these confirmation hearings? She is telling the Republican's whatever they want to hear. She is telling them that what she has been preaching for the last 15 years isn't really how she feels. Bullshit!

She has said over and over that a Latina woman could make a better decision that a white man. If a white man sitting in the New York Supreme court ever said that....he'd be in some big trouble. There would be riots in the streets if a white male judge ever said that he could make a better decision than a Latina woman judge.

I couldn't even stand listening to her speak and the hearings. She looks fidgety and what's with all the eye blinking? You can't tell me that she is being fully honest when she is behaving in this manner. She's a liberal. Don't think for one minute if she was anything but a liberal that Obama would have chosen her. Since he's been in office, he has really proven his left-wing craziness. Now, he's going to have one more in his corner when Sotomayor is confirmed.

There are so many things to say. How about Cap and Trade. Fox News calls it Cap and Tax. Don't people realize that this will effect our electric and gas bills? Not just the rich people, ok. It is going to affect every single household that pays an electric bill. About $1200 a year. That breaks down to $100 a month. Can YOU afford another $100 a month to pay for electricity?

Cap and Trade also screws over homeowners. Before you can sell, you will need to put your house through a rigorous inspection. If your windows, roof, doors, etc don't meet the high efficiency standards, you need to make repairs before the home can be sold. Who the hell can afford that?

With the housing market the way it is today, we couldn't even sell the house without taking money to close. And if we have to make all kinds of energy efficient upgrades to the house first, we wouldn't be able to sell.

I was bitching about this a week or so ago on Facebook and my old classmate John told me that there are programs for low income folks to pay for these upgrades. I could just get the money from that. Are you fucking kidding me? I have experience with this. I had a friend named Tracy when we lived up in Chippewa Lake. She discovered that she needed a new water heater and she needed her drainfield replaced.

So, she applied for a low-income grant that helps people get their house fixed up. Same thing John is talking about. Well, she barely qualified even though she has three kids and only works part-time. They aren't just handing the money out to everyone. You have to qualify income wise for these programs.

So, she got her new water heater and she got her drainfield installed. In return, the State put a lien on her home in the amount of the water heater and the entire drainfield. So, there you go. John made it sound so easy to just get money from the government to help update your house. It's not so easy. You have to make next to nothing, money wise. Then they put a lien on your house. Know what that means? If you refinance or sell your house, that lien needs to be paid first before your title is clear!

Is anyone opening their eyes yet? The extra $1200 a year in electric bills don't discriminate. They will be expensive whether you make $10000 a year or $100,000 a year. It's EVERY household!

Now, I'm on a roll. Let's talk about health insurance. First of all, Obama is going to bankrupt this country with this. On the outside, it looks great. Trust me, I don't want to see people without health care. I want people to be able to go to the doctor. Republican's do care. But look at the facts of this health care program.

First, the bill that the Democrats have put together has made Congress exempt from this health care coverage. Do you know what that means? It means that they get to keep their to of the line health care and they don't have to be stuck with this public option that they are trying to shove down the throats of the American people. A survey was taken of which Congressmen would give up their plush health care plans for the public one they are offering and NONE of the Democrats said they would take it. Over 40 Repbulicans said they would if the bill was passed.

What does this tell us? Even the Democrats don't want to be stuck with what they are proposing.

Here's the deal. If a person is low income, they are going to qualify for Medicaid. There are aparently alot of people out there who would qualify for Medicaid but haven't applied. I say that anyone who is struggling, out of work, working a low wage job, has kids, etc should apply to see if they qualify.

Let's talk about those of us who have insurance. Scott has insurance through work. It's Blue Cross and we pay a portion of it every month. The money that we pay for insurance is pre-tax. This is for everyone and basically it ends up being a tax credit. The Democrats want to take that away. So, the $1200 or so dollars we pay each year in health care coverage is now going to be taxed? That's just shitty!

This really hits home for me. Does anyone believe that an employer is going to offer up private health insurance to their employees when the government will give them insurance? Do you know how much the fine is for companies who drop insurance on employees with this plan? If this plan goes into effect and an employer decides to dump their health insurance, the government is going to fine the business $750 per employee. Whoopty doo!

Our health isurance plan costs Graphite Eng almost $600 a month for our family. What do you think they are going to do? Then, we'll be stuck with the government health insurance program. Private insurance companies are going to be out of business and we'll lose even more jobs. I mentioned that this hits home for me, big time. When I had Samantha in October, 2007 the bill came to over $20,000! How much of it did I pay? A big fat 0! I paid nothing, our insurance covered every dime.

We have a great insurance policy and I don't want to lose it. For those of you who do have Medicaid insurance right now, have you tried to find a dentist? You can't find a dentist who takes Medicaid because the government doesn't want to pay for anything. Our dentist told me that the Medicaid program was so difficult to work with, paperwork wise, that they stopped accepting it. This is what will happen with our medical care as well.

After all of this, I could still bitch about the stimulus package that we had to have. Do you remember Obama on TV telling American's that if we didn't hurry up and pass this great Stimulus package our unemployment would go up....that it could even reach 8%. Well, in June it hit 9.5%! This stimulus package isn't working.

I found a great video that dates Obama's speaches. I'll post it here on my blog. Take a minute and watch it, you'll be surprised.

Look, I tried to give Obama the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. I'm freaked out that things are going to get worse. Scott was working 16 hours of overtime every single week and that went down to nothing. We lost $1600 out of our budget in the blink of an eye. Trust me, I don't want the economy to get worse. But when I sit here and look at all of these stupid decisions that Obama is making for our country, it worries me! Matter of fact, it scares the hell out of me.

The whole Democrat/Republican thing aside, look at his policies and tell me that things are better than they were in January! The unemployment rate in Michigan for June is 15.2%! Let me say that again, in it's own line so I know that you don't miss it:

Michigan unemployment rate is 15%!

That is up 7.1% from one year ago June. From January 2009 to May 2009 Michigan lost 71,000 jobs. Five months in office and we've lost almost one hundred thousand jobs! We're turning into a socialist country. Labor unions now own car companies. The government has a controlling interest in banks and wants to tell corporations how much money they can pay their top tier people. Taxes are on the rise. I could talk about taxes, but maybe I'll save that for tomorrow.

I'm going to add a blog link to my page. A great photographer, Scott Story, has a fantastic blog and I look at each day. Check it out if you have a few minutes.

Jourdan's Home

Jourdan is home from camp! YAY! I really missed her. She left last week on Sunday and came home tonight. I only talked to her once on the phone the entire week, and it was a really long week.

She had a great time! I'm so glad because she was worried that she was going to get homesick. Luckily, she told me that the week flew by. I'm glad that she had so much fun. I'm also glad that she is home because it was just weird around here without her being home.

I can't even believe that it's already the middle of July. This summer is passing by way too fast. It's making me a little freaked out because once school starts again, Jason will be a senior. I don't even want to think about him being a senior. Last years school year went by so damn fast and I know the same will happen this year. And then, graduation. Followed by him moving way up north....5 hours away....to go to school.

Ok, I can't think about this right now...it gets me upset. I'm having anxiety over something that is completely natural and is going to happen regardless of how much I don't want it to happen. Did that even make sense?

I'll just move on to politics, that'll make me feel better.

I'm Mad As Hell!

I'm Mad as Hell!
by Burt Prelutsky

Frankly, I’m beginning to feel a lot like Howard Beale, the character portrayed by Peter Finch in the 1976 release, “Network.” He insisted that people get up right now and go to the window, open it, stick their heads out and yell, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
I’ve always heard that misery loves company. If true, misery in America has more company these days than it knows what do with.

I realize that conservatives have felt this way ever since the Democrats nominated the Chicago crony of Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko, Rod Blagojevich and the assorted felons at ACORN, to be our president, but why aren’t millions of honest, decent, hard-working Democrats up in arms? I can guarantee that if a Republican president had done half the things that Obama has pulled off in his first half year, most of us on the right would be calling for his head. At the very least, none of us would be kissing his heinie.

Even before grabbing up car companies and banks, he got the ball rolling with a trillion dollar, 1100-page pork-filled stimulus package that had to be passed, he insisted, within a few short hours or America was going to be turned into a pumpkin. Well, without anyone having had time to read anything but the price tag, it was passed into law. Obama then took his own sweet time signing it. In the months since its passage, the unemployment rate has soared, entire states are going belly up and, apparently, nobody seems to know what happened to the money.

Then there’s the Waxman-Markey cap and trade bill, which started out in life at a thousand pages, and then had a 300-page amendment tacked on to it in the dead of night. It was as if Dr. Frankenstein, after carefully inspecting his nightmarish creation, decided that what the monster really needed was a second head and a hunchback. Again, nobody had time to read the bill, but that didn’t prevent 219 congressmen, including eight Republicans who scurried out from under a rock just long enough to make certain that Christmas, or perhaps I mean Ramadan, would come early for the President.

As I recall, when he was a candidate, Obama assured us that taxes would be decreased for 95% of all Americans. Inasmuch as the Heritage Foundation estimates that the cap and trade bill will wind up costing the average middle class taxpayer nearly $3,000 in additional energy costs, I guess a tax isn’t a tax if you don’t call it one. Of course Obama and Al Gore and their liberal lackeys don’t mention the jobs that people in the oil and coal industries will lose while we’re busily building windmills. Perhaps those folks who were formerly occupied supplying the wherewithal so that America could continue to be a major industrial nation can be hired to stand around and generate energy by blowing at the windmills.

Maybe what Obama meant when he claimed we’d be paying less in taxes was that we’d all be on the dole before the next election rolled around.

During the campaign, when Obama vowed, if elected, he would create or save four million jobs, I speculated that he meant that if at some point there were four million Americans who were still working, he could say he’d kept his campaign promise. I swear I meant it as a joke.

Inasmuch as Obama seems to be doing all he can to turn America into a left-wing third world nation, it stands to reason that he was far more perturbed by a military coup in Honduras than by innocent blood being spilled in the streets after a rigged election in Iran.

It’s amazing, if you stop and think about it, that George H.W. Bush lost his bid for re-election because he was goofy enough to say, “Read my lips…no new taxes,” but Obama does his level best to bankrupt America and destroy the middle class, and yet continues to ride nearly as high in the popularity polls as Michael Jackson. Imagine if the man could moon walk.

But, I guess a lot of us who find ourselves going down the financial drain don’t really mind so long as we can watch Prince Obama and his princess holding hands on their $250,000 date night in New York City.

It’s almost enough to make a person pity Bernard Madoff. That poor shmuck got a 150-year prison sentence, and he only screwed Americans out of about 65 billion dollars.

http://townhall.com/columnists/BurtPrelutsky/2009/07/10/im_mad_as_hell!

Dee Story

Yesterday I was doing my usual thing and reading through posts on Facebook. I quickly discovered that Dee Story, a woman that I went all through school with, was in Ann Arbor fighting for her life. Her husband told me she was suffering from accute liver failure.

I was in shock. I saw posts on facebook from her just a couple of days ago.

Today, Dee went to heaven.

Barely 40 years old, she went to heaven.
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You know I've been thinking alot about my age lately. I may not have come right out and said it, but I've been doing alot of thinking about my kids getting older and the fact that I'm nearly out of my 30's (gulp). I've been thinking alot about getting myself healthier. I need to lose about 40 pounds or so and the fact that I'm knocking on the door of......oh gawd......40......has me turned inside out. It has been affecting me emotionally. So much so I've had to make an appointment to see my family doctor next week.

I haven't seen or talked to Dee, other than random meetings on facebook, since we graduated from high school. I remember when I first started signing into facebook some of my friends and I had commented on how beautiful Dee Parrish is. She lost a bunch of weight out of high school and she is married to a professional photographer, Scott Story, and there are some beautiful photo's of her on his facebook page. We were feeling a little jealous, but not in a bad way. She truley is a beautiful person.

I think what I'm trying to say is that even though I had lost touch with Dee, I am feeling terribly sad that she has left this world. She was very young.

Last Sunday, she posted a message on her Facebook that said, "Love my family and friends. We had a beautiful day!"

If you do nothing else today, wrap your arms around your husband and your children and tell them how much you love them. Then say a prayer and thank God for a happy and healthy family. You are blessed.

In The Blink Of An Eye

Today is Wednesday! Woooo Whoooo! Last day of the work week for me. It's been a little hectic at work. I can't say that it's stressful, but there is tension. I think I already talked about it in an earlier post.

So, it's the last day of the work week and I'm thrilled. I just put Sami to bed, and it's 9:30 pm so I'm hoping that she'll sleep pas 6:30 am. I kept her up as long as I could, hoping to really tire her out. I'll report back later.

I left work a few minutes early so I could take some dinner to Scott during his break. I felt so bad for him when he came out to the truck. He looked so hot and so miserable. He told me that it was terribly hot in the shop. He's been hanging pipe in the ceiling so you know it's worse up there. So, he sat in the Excursion with me and the kids and had his subway for dinner. Then, back to the furnace they call a shop. He's out in 20 minutes and I can't wait for him to get home so he can take a cool shower and just relax in the AC. The thermostat is set at 67 degrees, baby!

After going to Graphite we stopped at Walmart. Jourdan has been going crazy worrying about her supplies she'll need for church camp. Paul is sending her to church camp, which is great. I'm glad that she gets to go. The problem is that she has a list about a mile long of things that she needs to take to camp. Guess who has to supply all that stuff? You know!

So, we stopped at Walmart so she could buy shampoo, conditioner, body soap, toothpaste, sun lotion, and I don't know what else....a big pile of stuff. She also wanted a new swim suit, but they didn't have anything that complimented her figure. So, we are opting for a different store....we'll see if we can find anything.

Almost $100 later we left Walmart. If I remember right, it costs about $200 for camp and Paul had asked me to pay for half. It was really bad timing too, right when we were paying him for the truck for Jason. Yes, Scott and I had to buy the truck from Paul for Paul's son. No big surprise there, right? So, that was at a bad time. I started thinking that by the time I buy her all this little stuff, new swimsuit, new japflaps, a new bag to carry her stuff in, and whatever else she needs I'm going to be into it for as much as he paid for camp. Still, I'm the bad guy for not paying.

You know, this is leading me to a good topic of discussion. I think that when your kids don't live with you you tend to forget how expensive children can be. I don't think that Paul has a clue as to how much running I do for the kids and how expensive they are. I just paid half the cost of football camp and then paid for Jason's football pack from Under Armor that was $74.00. This is not to mention the new tennis shoes he needs, cleats for football season, the girdle, chin strap, and Pink Arrow Jersey (that'll cost around $200).

So, kids are not cheap. I guess when you only think of yourself and have little contact with your kids you tend to forget. I'm not saying that all non-custodial parents are this way....but that's the life I'm living...and have been living for a long time. Beth, I know you can probably relate to what I'm saying.

Not long ago I was accused of over-compensating when it comes to my kids. Over-compensating for what they have to deal with when they are with their dad and over-compensating because of the childhood that I had. It was meant as an insult at the time, but I can't really wrap my mind around it being an insult.

It may be true that I have over-compensated with my kids, but seriously...what is wrong with that? I have good kids. Oh, they can be real shitheads sometimes...but who isn't? We all have our moments. When it comes down to it, I try to remind myself that even though I have made mistakes, I have given my kids a pretty good life. They are good kids, they could have a little more respect but what teenager isn't mouthy sometimes?

I know I've done right by my kids. I'm not perfect and I've screwed up, but they know I love them!

I've been thinking alot about this lately. Must be because Jason is heading into his senior year in high school. Before you know it, kids are all grown up and you don't really matter anymore. They still love you, but you just aren't important. Savor every moment with your kids. Because your first grader will be graduating High School in the blink of an eye!

Quote of The Day - June 22, 2009

"We have the best Congress that money can buy." Will Rogers

Montana, Here We Come

I did something today! I can't even believe that I did it. I don't think that Scott believes that I did it either.

I puchased two....yes, I said TWO, round-trip airline tickets to Missoula, Montana for Scott and I.

Scott has been asking me to go to Montana for the last....hmmmm....five years. Probably even longer than that. He's convinced that once I go there and visit, i'll want to live there. Well, he might be right. I won't know for sure until I get there.

The kids are going to be bitter. Not Sami. She won't really care. John will be upset that we are going to be gone for several days. Jason and Jourdan are going to be downright mad because I know they want to go. I feel terrible about it. Even worse than terrible. I know Jason wants to go see Univ of Montana in Missoula. If we really do end up moving there, he'll hopefull transfer out there from Michigan Tech. We'll see.

I've had a stomach ache all day long because of this. Well, I think it's because of this trip. I can't believe that I actually agreed to be gone from the kids for a week. It's making me feel really shitty. Scott and I went to Ohio a couple of weeks ago and we were gone for one night. That was really hard. I'd asked my mom to come and stay with the kids and she made me feel really bad about going. How am I going to go for 6 days?

I'm just not going to think about it. I'll have to make sure the kids have plenty to do and that we stay busy as well. That will keep my mind off missing the kids, I hope. I might need to be medicated, we'll see.

So, that's my big news.

Scott and I were pissy with each other all day yesterday. Yeah, a really great Father's Day. He was cranky and so was I. I admit it, but he was pissier than I was. He had an attitude about me not wanting to go to Montana. He had an attitude because I had an attitude about him turning me down all the time. It's a vicious cycle, I know. He didn't even say goodnight last night. He was giving me the cold shoulder.

So, I snuck his credit card out of his wallet with the intention of booking our flight today and surprise him with it when he got home tonight. Well, he called me on the way to work and mentioned that he was going to use his card. Well, crap-olla! So, I had to give it up.

After all that, he wasn't even that surprised. All he said was that he was worried about how I would handle being away from the kids. Yeah, well that makes two of us.