Something crazy happened since my last post. I usually look at the number of visitors I have and it's been around 200. I haven't been on for a while, I'll talk about that in a minute. Low and behold I've had over 11,000 hits on my blog. WTF! One post about Obama and his socialistic ways and I get that many hits on my blog? I'm in shock!
I know I've been away for a while. I have been on Facebook, a little bit. I just haven't been in the mood. I've been moody and depressed. Who wants to listen to all that bullshit right?
So, here is what I have done to get out of my funk. I started going to Biolife to donate plasma. I thought it would help out some people and it would help us out financially at the same time. Problem is, my blood pressure went so friggin high because I had myself so worked up nervous, that I couldn't donate.
So, I went back again and the same thing happened. I guess third times a charm because I finally got through the physical process and donated my first plasma. Well, I haven't been able to since because I have my blood pressure under control, thanks to drugs my doc gave me....but my resting pulse has been around 123 ish. Ok, that's not good.
So, back to the doctor I went. Got on two different types of meds and we'll see what happens. So, you know by all this that we have tight finances. Who really wants to donate plasma? If you know me, you know that I am extremely scared of needles. I just told myself to suck it up.
Well, I'm still working on that.
Do you remember the whole reason I started this blog? It was to be about a struggling mom's journey for weight loss. To date, I've lost a total of 9 pounds. Whooptie Doo! 9 fucking pounds! I told Dr. Kern to get me some help or I'm going to have some kind of surgery to get back to where I want to be....45 pounds ago. This was a month ago.
Yesterday, I went to Metro Health Hospital and met with a dietician. It's the first step on the road to the new me. I had a nice meeting with Julie, but not what I expected. See, I have high blood pressure so the diet she wants me to work on is focussed on that. It's not exactly what I was looking for, but realistically its what is best for me.
I was telling her I have a goal outfit and she told me to take it out of the closet. So, today I did. It's hanging right in my bedroom where I can see it every single minute that I am in here. Maybe I need to hang it from the refrigerator? There's a thought, even though it is lingerie. I bought it when I met Scott, but I was still a little shy so I never wore it. So now, I need to get 45 pounds off of this body to be able to show him how good I look in it. There it is....staring at me right now. Swaying slightly from the fan. Black silky thinness, just waiting for me to slip it over my body....when its' 45 pounds lighter!
So I know you've heard this speech before, but now I have someone that I'm really accountable to. Julie. She also told me to trust Scott. She told me to get on the scales in front of him. OHHHH THE HORROR! I was prepared to do it, but was freaking out a little. Scott told me not to worry and that he only needs to know the number that I have lost. I"m ok with that.
I'm so tired of me. Does anyone else feel that way? I'm so tired of what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I'm ashamed at what I've let myself become. I'm emotional about it. I swear, the first 30 minutes of my meeting with the dietician I was crying my eyes out. She must have thought I was nuts.
She gave me a stack of information to go through and some goals to set. So, that's what I'm working on tonight. I know, I'm not doing that....I'm on my blog. However, I've read through most of it today and I need to shop. I need to get rid of the foods that are bad for me that I can't resist. I also need to discover what my triggers are. Boredom, anxiety, stress, and that nagging hungry feeling. Gawd I hate feeling hungry.
To make things even better, my asthma is just kicking my ass the last two weeks. What on earth is in the air? What did Julie tell me? Ragweed pollen? I'm so miserable. I was reading a post on Facebook from Scott Story. He was saying to someone that she was laughing cos she thought he was silly or something, and he replied that "he was laughing because he just farted". My first thought was that I was laughing because everytime I cough I need to pee! For crying out loud, TMI!
Ok, so this is my last ditch effort. I really don't want to go through any surgery. But, I also don't want to die when I am 50 years old. Practically everyone in my family, on my moms side, is a diabetic. Can you imagine me giving myself shots every day? Not bloody likely!
I did do a couple of good things today. I worked out with some hand weights for 20 minutes or so. Then I walked to the school and back to get John, that was about 30 minutes. Then tonight I took Sami and John for a walk for about an hour. I know it's not much, but I feel good for doing it. I know I'll make mistakes, like the brownie I just ate, but in my defense I haven't gotten through all the paperwork yet and I need to buy the appropriate foods for this to work. It's never good to let a good brownie go to waste. Even though that's exactly where it goes, right to my waist.
I'll keep you updated. Hopefully, I won't let you down this time. I know I've said that so many times before. I just can't stand myself anymore.
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