So I get to work at 10 and he's busy the whole day. I'm busy the whole day and don't get out of work until 6:30pm. I'm super tired and not used to being gone all day like this. I can work whatever schedule I want, but I get so wrapped up in what I'm doing all of the sudden it's 6:00.
Well then I get home and the kids are running out to the truck before I even get out. Tonight I came in the house and John is crying, Sam is in her bed screaming, Jourdan is bitching.......what did I get myself into?
I feel like the house is falling apart in my absense. Scott says everything is super-fine. I don't feel that way. I feel like I am gone about 20 hours, I'm tired, I miss the kids, and then I come home and it's utter chaos. Scott thinks, and I agree, that once I have a set schedule that they can depend on things will be better. If I'm getting out at 5pm on a regular basis then everyone will know when to expect me. He said it's a little frustrating not knowing when I'll be home. I can understand that. I definitely need to go in earlier and get out by 4ish.
I'm trying to remind myself of why i'm working:
- To help out with bills.
- To have Christmas money.
- To have money to buy groceries. (Do you know how much a teenage boy eats????)
- To buy school clothes. (Do you know how much a Hollister shirt costs?)
- To have birthday money for the kids.
- To be able to go out on a date with Scott and actually be able to afford it.
- Set money aside for vacation next summer. (We saved a year for this years vacation up north.)
- To keep my sanity.
Did I cover everything? I still hate being away from the kids. I missed out on alot with Jason and Jourdan when they were little. I am really sad to be leaving and going to work. People keep telling me that it'll be good for me and good for the kids. Well, it just feels stressful to me right now. But, I think we'll get into a routine and then things will be ok. Bottom line, they are here with Scott and that's good for him too.
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