Time Flies When You're Having Fun

I wasn't even sure that I was going to write tonight.  It's been a long week, and the first time in a very long time, that I have worked full time.  I'm exhausted!  Seriously!

I got up this morning, and I was so tired.  Scott's snoring was terrible.  He hasn't been this bad with snoring in a long time.  He woke me up 5 or 6 times and I had taken Nyquil before I went to bed.  Usually, if I have a cold going on and take Nyquil, you aren't going to wake me up for anything.  So, I was tired this morning.  I got the kids around and took John to school and dropped Sami off to daycare.  On my way to work Jason sent me a text that he had been put on a move to Chicago today.

He was excited.  Our movers make pretty good money when they do these long distance moves.  And I don't think Jason has ever been to Chicago, so he was excited.  He took a bunch of pictures on his phone from the customers apartment that was right in the city.  I think he said the guy was on the 14th floor or something like that.  Anyhow, you could see through the buildings to Lake Michigan and the view from the apartment was really amazing!  I could tell that it was a pretty ritzy place by Jason's pictures.

Anyhow, not the point I was trying to make tonight.  He called me when they were on their way back to say that when he got home he was going to leave and go to his friends for the weekend.  First, I was so glad that he called because I like knowing that he is safe.  I'm a mom, that's how I roll!

Well, this friend goes to college as well and lives on campus.  Not the same college Jason goes to, but another.  He's been to his friends dorm several times and is really liking the freedom that he see's his friends have.  Anyhow, he told me that this friend was actually at home for the weekend (which is in Lowell) but I'm not sure if he was telling me the truth.  I've never felt like Jason was a liar.  Since Jason was a little kid, he always told me the truth.  The other 3, not so much.

But Jason has always been honest with me.  But I just had this feeling that he was going to the dorm instead of the kids house.  I am probably wrong.  Jason tells me what he's doing, even if the typical parent wouldn't approve.  Jason and I have a different relationship than alot of parents have with their son.  I'm pretty easy on him, and as long as I know he's safe he pretty much comes and goes as he pleases.  He'll be 18 in 4 weeks afterall.

I don't know, there is just something nagging me tonight.  He talks about moving out and it sends me into an anxiety attack.  I'm an easy going mom and he has alot of freedom.  BUT!!!!  Every single night, he comes home by midnight and I know that he is downstairs in his own bed safe!  That is the difference for me. 

I started thinking about why it bothers me so much to have him move out.  I know he's a young adult and he wants to go out on his own.  But the thought of it is just killing me.  I want to know that he is safe and I want to know where he is.  I know how it is when you move out.  I remember when I moved out of my parents house and I didn't give it a thought.  It didn't bother me in the least to move out and go about my business and have my own life.  I didn't check in with my parents and they didn't know where I was on a day to day business.

So, I'm sure that Jason will feel the same way.  It's normal.  But, this is my first.  I can't imagine Jason not living here at home with us.  I just can't.  And it's making me sad.  It feels like not so long ago he was a little boy, about John's size.  It feels like he skipped a few years....like he went from 7 to 17 in the blink of an eye.  When I look back I can't believe how fast time has gone by.  Seems like it's gone faster since I had Jason. 

So I'm wondering how to get through all of this.  It's so amazing to watch your children grow and go through all the phases of childhood.  So many times I think we take time for granted and we don't enjoy the moment.  Since I turned 40 I'm thinking about these things alot more.  It was like a big smack in the face when I turned 40.  All of the sudden, I was old and my first child is a young adult!  Where did the last 10 years go? 

Before long I'll be saying these same things about John.  He's 7 years old, the age that Jason was when I met Scott.  And Sami will be 3 very soon.  And Jourdan is a freshman.   I was just saying that Jason is a freshman.  And now, 4 1/2 years have gone by. 

I'm just feeling sorry for myself.  I think that Scott and I have done a damn good job raising our kids so far.  Jason could move out on his own and he could completely take care of himself.  I have no doubt in my mind.  So, I know we've done a great job raising him.  The only problem is that the time went by way too fast!