Compromise

I'm not green tonight.  I've decided that I'm done being an asshole.  (I hope).  Scott and I came to a great agreement on Friday.  We've been doing alot of bickering lately.  Which is odd because we never argue.  Seriously, we don't argue.  We get along very well and we have a great relationship.

But, my journey to a less stressful and anxiety free self is creating some tension here at home.  I've discovered (and I've already written about this) I take responsibility for everything and I never made people take responsibility for their behavior.  I'm trying very hard to change my way of thinking.  And this even applies to Scott.  We're working on it though.  Anyhow, we made an agreement.  If one of us feels that the other is being crabby, mean, bitchy....you get the idea, we pull the other person aside and nicely communicate that to the other person.  We had to do that a couple of times this weekend and it worked wonderfully.

I think we'll actually be ok with this until Scott has to go to Chicago next Monday for 3 days.  My problem, I've discovered, is that I do not trust men.  My therapist is really going to have her hands full with me this week.  Did I already post about this?  I hope I'm not repeating myself cos that would really be lame.  We'll talk more about this as we get closer to next wednesday.

Anyhow, he's got to drive to Chicago and I'm NOT happy about it.  Matter of fact, I want to kick his ass over it.  The fact that we've had some issues lately doesn't help.  Unhappy people do stupid things.  Scott told me that he's been unhappy......we've been ok over the weekend....but he's said it to me recently.  So, true to form, I'm fucking freaking out over this trip!  I'll get to my point:

In the midst of all of this weekend, Scott tells me that his friend from work and his wife have split up.  I don't want to say any names because I know both of them and they are both super nice people that Scott and I both like personally.  Well, he told me that they had split up just about two weeks ago.  I asked Scott why?  He said that SHE had feelings for somebody else.  YIKES! 

Well, I was shocked.  Seriously, they have kids and I just never thought that they would be the type to split up.  Some people you can just tell that it's a matter of time, but not these two.  They've been together longer than I've known Scott.  Matter of fact, I think he was the first friend of Scott's that I met when we started dating.

Anyhow, we have been painting over the weekend.  The bedroom, touching up in the bathroom, and the kitchen.  Scott even cleaned the carpet in the livingroom.  I'm in the bathroom scraping caulk from next to the tub, so I can re-do it and he comes in and says, "oh did I tell you who the other guy is?"  Ummmmm, no.  How do I know?

Well, turns out SHE has feelings for her husbands BEST FRIEND (now EX) who also works with the husband and Scott at the same shop.  Well, this was an interesting turn of events.  I was shocked.  I know you're asking me why I'm sharing this with you right?  You don't  know who I'm talking about and you don't care.

I'll get to my point.  I was thinking about this, and wondering how this can happen to two people who have been together for a while and seemed really happy.  I swear a lightbulb appeared over my head.  It's what I've been saying to Scott for months....sort of.

When one person in a marriage isn't getting what they need in the marriage, it makes them more vulnerable.  BINGO!!!!  Scott and I have been fighting like crazy over the fact that he doesn't show emotion, he doesn't share or talk about his feelings.  He's not a touchy feely kind of guy.  He's not a jealous kind of guy.  He's a macho man.  Fuck off macho man!

I'm sitting on the floor in the bathroom and I holler for him to hurry in there I had something to tell him.  So, I tell Scott that I figured out why she was leaving him for his best friend.  She wasn't getting what she needed from her husband, and the best friend happened to be there and fill the gap.  Intended or not, it made her turn on her husband and turn to another man.  Husband guy is also a macho man! 

Well, the lightbulb finally went off over Scott's head too.  YAY!  We had a much better weekend. 

Look, I have no desire to look for anyone else or to be with anyone else.  I love Scott and I don't want to ever be without him.  But feeling the way that I have lately made me realize how a person could become vulnerable.  I'm not a liar and I'm not a cheater.  I would never cheat on Scott, ever.  When I have sex dreams, it's ALWAYS Scott and I.  That's how much I love being with him.  (I know, TMI).  But I wanted him to realize that you have to give a little.

I know how Scott is.  He grew up a lot different than I did.  I'm a touchy feely person and he's not.  I know that about him and I try to accept it.  He knows how I am.....so I proposed the "meet in the middle" method.  I'm not sure how close to the middle we'll be, but he's trying.  This weekend he told me that I looked "exceptionally beautiful today" and it made me cry.  I was in my paint clothes and my hair was messy and had paint in it.  And he hugged me while I cried my eyes out.  Can you see why I love this guy so much!