Rejection Sucks!

I've been thinking alot about rejection lately.  I know, this is an odd topic.  Well, I've been thinking alot about it.  Rejection can come in many different forms.  Some are bad, and some are REALLY bad.

I don't deal with rejection very well.  Rejection leads to self-doubt and loss of trust.  Well, that's how I see it.  Let's see if I can get this out there without being too graphic.  You can tell me if I'm over-reacting or if I really am being rejected.

First of all, Scott works way too many hours.  (See where I'm going with this?)  I'm thinking this is going to be what I need to talk about at therapy next week.  Anyhow, Scott is working 60+ hours a week over a 6 day period.  He get's up anywhere between 3am and 4 am to work at least 10 hours.  When he gets home, he groes straight to the recliner....for what he calls his power nap.  The power nap that lasts until dinner.  After dinner, he showers and goes to bed usually 7:30 - 8:00 ish!

Then, it takes him about 5 minutes to be completely out!  Here's my beef.  I'm starting to get really, REALLY bitter about his schedule.  We don't have time for a conversation, to talk about work, the kids, the rare weekend plans, and especially not sex.  Hmmmm, sex, I think I remember what that is.

Maybe it's just gotten worse since the kids got out of school.  During the school year, they are typically in bed between7:30 and 8:30 at night.  Sometimes, and I say SOMETIMES Scott can stay awake long enough to have a 2 or 3 minute converstaion with me before he falls asleep.

I'm really starting to get pissed off about it.  He can stay up late to watch some stupid movie.  He can stay up late if he thinks he's going to get a blow job!  Why can't he make a little effort for some conversation and a date with his wife?

So what's your take?  Am I being rejected?  It sure as hell feels like it. 

Let me go back to this morning.  I woke up before 7am to a text from Jourdan saying that she had left her money in her suitcase and it was under the bus.  They weren't allowed to get into their stuff under the buss until they arrive back in Lowell tomorrow morning.  This means no money for food or goodies today at Hershey Park.  And, no money for breakfast tomorrow morning on their way home. WTF!  What can I do about it here in Michigan?

This really upset me, because she talked to her chaperone and they didn't give a shit.  Figures.  She was really upset and so was I.  I didn't know if she really left it in there, or if she lost it.  So, I was freaking out.  I was sooo tired from not sleeping well las night and that's what I woke up to.

After bickering with her for about and hour, the kids are up and around and I start looking around the house.  My house is a filthy, messy, cluttered, pit.  I am a freaking maid for 6 people and a dog.  Period!  I started to clean right away.  Laundry to basement, picking up the mounds of toys and blankets the kids had out.  After an hour of that I was ready to vacuum. 

So I leave one room to go to the next, and the kids are right there to destroy it.  I even painted my bathroom today.  It was looking grungy and Jason's open house is Sunday so I can't have it looking like that.  Anyhow, I come out of the bathroom and there are cookies crumbled all over the carpet, blankets and toys.  That was it, it pushed me over the edge.

I turned into the Nazi Mom.  I couldn't stop myself, I was just yelling and ranting and raving at my kids.  I didn't even know why I started out so cranky.  Maybe worrying about Jourdan, worrying about the party, getting the house in order....I dont' know.  So I called Scott, he always makes me feel better.

Well, I just had a bad day.  Seriously!  Scott got home from work and all I wanted was to sit down and talk to him about what happened today.  I sat here for over 2 hours just crying my eyes out, feeling stressed and full of anxiety, and waiting for Scott.  He's the only person I can talk to.  I can't talk to my mom.  That's a joke!  I even called her to talk to her about getting some tables fo rthe party, she asked me what was wrong and I couldn't even talk to her about it.  Soon as I brought up one particular topic, she shut me right down.

I have nobody to turn to.  So, my mom rejected me over the phone today...right in the middle of my melt-down.  I know I didn't get into this part, but Jason had done the same thing right before I got on the phone with her.  I actually screamed at him and told him to get out of the house because I didn't want him here.  Guess I'm guilty of rejection myself when I'm being unreasonable.

Finally, after a big anxiety attack and plenty of sobbing, Scott get's home.  He talked me into going with him to his Doctor appt for his allergy re-check.  Then, we went out to dinner.  Well, I felt like hell.  I'd actually gotten so bad that I took two of my anti-anxiety pills.  I haven't taken anything in MONTHs and that's how bad my day was.

We got the kids from my parents, came home, and he sits in the house while Jason and I start working on the pole barn.  I know, he's tired.  Seriously, I don't blame him.  But I come in and get into the shower with the intention of hurrying into bed so I could actually talk to Scott.  Really, bedtime is the only time that Scott and I can really just talk to each other, without kids sitting between us or fighting with each other.

I try to tell hin how I'm feeling.  I tell him that I miss him and I'm wondering why he doesn't want anything to do with me.  He gets pissed and tells me to turn off my computer, go to sleep, so I can get up tomorrow in a better mood.  Why is it that he can accuse me of being in a lousy mood when he's the one whos blowing me of?  It really pisses me off.

Would it kill hin to make an effort to stay up a couple nights a week to actually have a conversation with his wife, and maybe some hanky panky?  I'm fucking pissed right now.  I HATE being rejected when it's so far and few between.  Boy he could be in a dead sleep and all I'd have to do is whisper, "blow job' in his ear and he'd be wide awake!  I'm good enough for that, but not for sex?  WTF?

I'm sick of being rejected.  I just don't know what to do about it.  I'm so pissed tonight I start throwing out all kids of crap.  "Why don't you like doing it with me?"  "Do you want to be with someone else?"  "Is there someone else?"  Ya know, stuff like that.  That's when I got the lecture.  I had such a shitty day.  Seriously.  I called him during the day because I know I can count on him to make me feel better.  Sometimes, I need hin to lean on when i'm having a bad day.  Doesn't happen very often anymore, but today was one of them.  His response?  "You've been bitching ALL day long and I'm sick of it." 

Thanks alot!  Isn't this what people do for each other in relationships?  He does plenty of his own bitching.  Well, like I said, I'm just cranky and now i'm pissed off too!  Any ideas on what to do with him?  I'm sick of being rejected by my own husband.