Rejection: Part 2

I think I need to write a little more about my post from yesterday.  And the topic of the day.....Rejection!

Before I starting typing tonight, I read my post from last night.  I was pretty pissed.  I can go back to my earliest of memories and tell you times that I have felt rejection.  It's sitting right there in the middle of my childhood memories, it screams at the top of it's lungs in the memories of my first marriage, and it's just sitting here nagging me in my marriage with Scott.

Scott is a great guy.  I love him more than I can say.  I keep thinking to myself that I want to live to be really really old because I want to spend as much time of my life with him as possible.  We've been together for over 10 years and we still like each other.  We enjoy spending time together.  There's alot to be said about a relationship where two people still enjoy each other's company and love each other after 10 years.

With that said, I think Scott has grown a little bit complacent in our relationship.  He forgets sometimes that I take things really personally, and that there are actually two people in this marriage.  I'm sorry, but you have to work at a marriage.  If you don't, well then you are living a lie!

I was having a bad day yesterday.  A seriously shitty day.  I had an emotional day and I was upset with my son and with my sister.  When I'm upset or pissed off, my mind goes into overdrive!  And when I was sitting in my livingroom feeling my worst, I had nobody to turn to.  Do you know how that feels?  You feel lousy, you're upset, you are pissed off.....and you have nobody that you can call and talk to about it.  I barely tried to talk to my mom....just a little....and she stopped me cold.  I was really pissed at Jason and she just stopped me cold.  Some people have parents who are always sticking their noses in, but my parents act like I live in a foreign country.  (There is some of that bittnerness creaping in again.)

So Beth gave me some advice, to talk to Scott once I had calmed down.  And I did, today.  Well, he said he was sorry and he understood how I felt.  We had to run to Meijer to get a few things for Jason's open house and for dinner.  We got home, he ate and then went straight to the shower and was in bed before 7:30pm.  So, and so true to form, my talk today did absolutely NOTHING!  I didn't have the chance to talk to him about our agenda for the weekend.  Hre has a golf outting for work tomorrow and I have no idea how long he'll be gone.

I need to go to Costco and get cakes for the open house, I have to prepare and get 70 pounds of pork into the smoker.  I also have to pre-cook over 20 pounds of wings so they can go into marinade to be grilled Sunday morning.  The entire yard needs to be mowed and trimmed.  There are 4 or 5 loads of stuff to go to Goodwill and the pole barn needs to be cleaned.  We also need to set up tables and get a few odds and ends from the grocery store.  I'm going to fit all of this in....when?  Because I have no idea what Scott's schedule it. 

Well, the bittnerness is growing day by day! I dont' know what the hell his problem is.  We'll have it out tomorrow.  The bitch of it is, the longer I brew the worse it is....for both of us.