The Evil Ex

The last couple of weeks have been pretty eventful.  Jason graduated from High School.  Jourdan had the 8th grade dance, which is THE event of the Lowell Middle School existence.  I have to say that I'm proud of myself for keeping it together during graduation.  I thought I would be a slobbering fool watching my son go across the state and accept his diploma.  But, I didn't do that.  Actually, it was a little wierd because we were sitting so far up into the stands that I could barely see Jason.  I think if I'd been sitting close and been able to actually see his face during the ceremony it would have been much worse.  As it was, I didn't embarrass myself or Jason.  YAY!!!!

Jourdan had her dance on Wednesday and she looked so beautiful.  I took her to have her hair done and she had on her fancy dress and silver shoes. 

When I opened my blog tonight, this is pretty much what I wanted to talk about....Jourdan.  She had a really bad experience with her dad this last week and I'm so pissed.  Look at that beautiful girl right there and tell me she doesn't deserve to have a Dad who loves her unconditionally.  I talked about this in therapy last week.  The fact that my kids can't be themselves around their dad, because there are conditions to his love and acceptance.

Let me go back one more step to go along with this whole story.  I already wrote about it, but after graduation when Scott and I found Jason, he was a real shithead to me.  Then when Paul walks up, he's all friendly and acts like he's kissing Paul's ass.  Well, what I didn't realize is that there is more going on than that.  My fabulous therapist pointed out that the kids are pretty smart and they know that there are conditions when it comes to Paul, but with me they know that they can be themselves and I'm going to love them no matter what.  That doesn't mean that it's ok to be disprespectful to me, but it does mean that they don't have to have their guard up with me like they do with their dad.

So this whole problem started with Jourdan and getting shoes to go with her dress for the dance.  I bought her dress about 6 months ago and we'd asked Paul to get her shoes.  I thought that was a fair trade for what I paid for the dress, nylons, bra, and ticket.  Paul told Jourdan no because he'd just spent two weeks up north. 

Here is a guy who is CONSTANTLY bitching about being broke, yet doesn't have any small bills in his wallet....only hundred dollar bills.  He has money for toys and things that are important to HIM.  Our kids are not in that category.  Everything boils down to child support for him.  Don't ask him to pay for anything extra, that's what child support is for.  The measly small amount that he pays (just over $400 a month) for two kids and he bitches.  I've even had to buy dress clothes for Jourdan for the Daddy-Daughter dance that he was taking her to in Ohio.  For crying out loud!  And if I didn't, she wouldn't have anything nice to wear.  But not to worry, I just go out back and pluck a few bucks off the money tree I have growing in my back yard.....NOT!

I know this is off the topic, but I love the memory of being in front of our judge and Paul saying that he's paying my truck payment.  Sure he is, because it doesn't cost anything to raise two kids.  They don't eat, wear clothes or shoes, or cost anything.  Uh huh!

Sorry, I got way off my original topic.  I'm just sick of him bitching about not having money when I know better.  This goes along with Beth's post.  He's got the world by the ass and we live pay check to pay check because he doesn't want to contribute for his own kids.  All of this started over a $20 pair of shoes!  Paul got really pissed at Jourdan and hung up on her over $20!  Who hangs up on their kid?  That's real fucking mature.

So she is still upset about it this weekend.  Paul wanted her to come over on Friday, and she doesn't want to go.  She'd been invited to a slumber party on Saturday.  Paul calls her on Friday and asks her if she is ready to be picked up in 20 minutes....she tells him she doesn't want to come over and he starts yelling at her and hangs up on her, AGAIN!  WTF!!!!

So, I told Jourdan she didn't have to go over.  What am I supposed to say?  She is crying and upset because he has to be an immature jerk.  Did I mention last year he told her to pack up her shit because she never had to come over to his house again?  So the kids rarely go to their Dad's anymore.  He's made the decision to alienate them and treat them like crap, and that's why he doesn't have a good relationship with his kids.

So after the hang up, about 5 minutes pass and his wife calls and talks to Jourdan.  I was in the room because I wanted to hear what was said.  Jourdan is still only 14 and I don't think that she should be screamed at and swore at, so I wanted to know what was going on.  Usually, I let them talk to their dad in their rooms and I don't interfere, but this was the exception.  Jourdan is talking to Pauls wife and in the back ground Paul is just screaming his fucking head off about Jourdan.  Then he screams at Joanne to tell Jourdan to never ask him for money again.  That's what it always boils down to for Paul.....money. 

Why, why, why would a paren't treat their daughter this way?  And why did he have to make it about money?  It had nothing to do with money.  He doesn't do anything extra for the kids anyways.  I had to come up with money to buy her dress, and the stuff that goes under it, and her shoes.  On top of that I had to get a suit and shoes for Jason for graduation.  Not a cheap week, but somehow we find a way to do it because that's what parents do.  We struggle just like most other families and worry about coming up with money for shoes and school clothes.  The kids have what they need, that's what parents do.

So now, I don't know what to say to Jourdan about her dad.  She's had 14 years of verbal abuse from him.  I'm sick to death of him treating my kids like shit.  I told him way back when the kids were little that he needed to get his temper under control because the kids would end up resenting him.  I also told him that if he didn't have a good relationship with his kids once they got older, and could choose to spend time with him or not, that they wouldn't want to.  Well, they are at that point now. 

It's not so bad for Jason because he's older.  He's not belligerant or anything, he just treads lightly around Paul.  He knows what he can and cannot say to his dad.  And, he only sees him about once a month.

I don't know....I would die if I never saw my kids.  I wouldn't be able to handle it if I screwed up my relationship with my kids.  And I say "I" because I am the adult here.  Their dad is supposed to be an adult too, and things didn't have to end up like this.  He made it this way and I feel bad for my kids.  I'm thankful they have Scott in their life.  They do have a step-dad that cares about them and worries about them having what they need.  We don't always have the money for the "wants" but somehow we come up with the "needs". 

I spent my entire hour of therapy this past week talking about Paul.  I've really got some bad feelings pushed down inside of me.  And I'm mad as hell over how he treats my kids.  They are great kids and he doesn't deserve them.  Is that selfish to say?  Of course it is, but he made it this way.  It didn't have to be like this, but he is so fucking selfish it makes me sick.  It's always about money with him, and he doesn't have a regular job.  He does odd jobs for people and get's paid cash.  Very hard for the courts to track his money and base his child support on any real numbers.  Well, he has to live with himself knowing what he is.  The problem is that it doesn't bother him!