I feel like I have a great relationship with Scott. I've been really lucky because there aren't many nice men in this despicable world. The biggest thing I have learned is that you must pick your battles. It takes time to get to know the man in your life. It takes longer than a year or two. You have to take your time to get to know how he works. What makes him happy, what sets him off, how he responds to your happiness, sadness, anger.
The part about how he responds to your anger is really important. When I was married before if I got angry about something, even if it was justified, he got really mad at me....just for being mad. I wasn't allowed to be mad or question anything. So, when I met Scott this is how I was programmed. Only he didn't ever get mad at me for being mad. As a matter of fact, when I got upset about something he really didn't respond in a negative way and I didn't know what to do. So, I would pick and say things just to get a raise out of him. I would stab at the things that might stir him up and get a response out of him. Well, I learned that this isn't the way to handle being angry. I have said some pretty mean things that I didn't mean at all. Threatening to leave, what an ass! Things like that.
So, you have to take the time to get to know him and learn how to respond to him in these different situations. You have got to have trust. Oh everyone is probably jealous early in a relationship. Woman are programmed that way. We are very protective of what we consider to be ours. It's the same with our men and our children. We don't want anyone to overstep their boundaries with either because we turn into the mother lion! So, after you get through that new relationship feeling and you begin to feel comfortable and you know that you have trust, it's important not to break that trust.
I was thinking about an important part of my relationship with Scott the other day. We like each other. Well, we love each other but we also like each other. It doesn't matter where he is going he always wants me to go. He likes to spend time with me, and even though I don't always want to go with him, I enjoy being with him. (He always wants me to go to Menards with him....ugh). We decided that this was a really great thing because once the kids have grown and moved out, we will have all kinds of quality time together. My point, you have to like the man in your life. Oh, occasionally he makes me crazy (I'm sure I do the same for him) but you have to like each other and have things in common. Being able to enjoy each others company is a great thing for a relationship.
I know, you're looking at this thinking, who are you to talk about relationships? I'm nobody and I've made a ton of mistakes! I've just been thinking about relationships lately because I know so many people in different relationship situations. These aren't the magic answers but just my thoughts based on my own experiences. I feel so damn lucky to have the relationship with Scott that I have. There are nice guys out there, you just have to be picky and take your time to find him. In the meantime, don't be afraid to be alone. You'll find him. If you have found a good one, hang on to him because there are alot of women looking, lol.
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