When You Really Love Someone....

I was just looking at some posts on Facebook, and I remembered something my doctor said to me yesterday.  Well, first, let me tell you this:

They wanted blood, so Beth starts in my left arm, and I won't bleed so she's digging.  Me, "Beth, I'd rather have you poke me again than dig."  Ok, well four pokes in my left arm, let's try the right arm.  Have I ever talking about my needle phobia?  When I had to get blood drawn at my OB's office when I was pregnant for Sami she couldn't get it the first, second or third time.  I ended up breaking out in a sweat, and then I was dizzily escorted to the bathroom where I proceeded to barf by guts out.  Yeah, I don't like needles.

Back to my story.  Let's try my right arm because 4 digging needle sticks in my left arm gave no blood.  For crying out loud!  Two pokes in my right arm, a little digging.  Me, "Beth I'd rather you poke me again than dig...you're hurting me." 

Beth, "I'm going to try your hand, have you ever had blood drawn from your hand?"  Ummmm are you fucking kidding me?  I've had an IV but never blood drawn.  So, she pokes me once in the top of the hand and no blood.  "Beth, you better get me to a bed or I'm gonna throw up on your shoes." 

At this point, she had one more shot.  She had to bring in reinforcements to help change the tubes fast just in case she got my blood to flow.  Never had this trouble before, but I'll be damned if you're going to poke me one more time in the top of my hand while both of my arms are bleeding!  Well, she got lucky and was able to get 6 tubes of blood out of my hand.

If you've never had blood drawn out of your hand before, DON'T LET ANYONE TALK YOU INTO IT.  It hurts.  It hurts like hell.  My hand has a welt on it and still hurts and that was yesterday morning.  They better find something or I'm gonna be pissed!  Just kidding, I don't want them to find anything bad...I've just never had a problem with having blood drawn.....not that I look or anything because they would have to pick me up off the floor.

I got off track, when I was talking to my doctor she said something that really got to me.  I've been feeling really REALLY bad about myself.  I have low-selfesteem to begin with and I have put on abou 45 pounds over the last 8 years.  It's really affecting how I feel about myself and how I think that Scott's see's me.  Now, he's never said anything to me about my weight.  He's never been mean, he's never made me feel bad about my weight.  But, in my own mind....I'm miserable about it. 

So, Dr. Kern gave me a little perspective.  She asked me if I would feel any different about Scott if he gained 20 pounds?  I just looked at her and thought she was crazy for saying that.  No!  Of course not, he's the sexiest man ever!  He's attractive and I'd have my hands on him 24/7 if I could.  And Dr, Kern says, "well, we feels that way about you too."  Course that made me cry because I know she is right.  It's not like that when you really love someone.

Scott really came through for me this week.  It's the worst week I've had in a long time and he's really made me feel better.  I'm so thankful to have him.  And Beth, you'll find someone just as good someday.  Just be picky, that's how I was.  And don't settle for anything less.  I'm lucky to have the life I have and I forgot that for a while.  But not now, I'm getting myself together and at the end of the summer, Tina and I are going to burn that damn blue swimsuit!