First, I want to tell Beth thanks for her comment to my last post. I feel like shit and I feel like I don't have anyone. Beth, your post made me cry, but not in a bad way. I'm just feeling very alone right now.
I had more tests done today. I'm waiting....waiting....waiting...for the doctor's office to call. Of course they call at 12:30 today while I'm at work. Jason is home and actually hears her talking into the machine. Scott comes home at 3:30pm and listens to the message. I talked to Scott four or five times between that and my getting home.
I happened to notice the machine had an old message on it and I listened to it...at 9:00pm. I was trying really hard to have a sane day. To stay calm, keep anxiety at bay! Then I hear this message and I blow a nut. seriously. I actually woke Scott up and yelled at him for not telling me.
I've been freaked out for a week waiting to hear from the doctors office and nobody tells me they call. I'm at the end of my rope here! I feel like if anyone gave a damn about me, they might think to say, "hey the doctor's office called you today". I guess it's better to watch me suffer.
I think you can see that I'm rather bitter. I've really been pretty bitter for about a month now. I'm sure my posts aren't even pleasant to read anymore. Here's the bottom line, I feel like shit. I've been sick for nearly a month and nobody gives a shit. I've got all kinds of things going on inside right now. Doc thinks I'm diabetic and that can really fuck you up! That's how I feel, really fucked up.
I have to say that I'm disappointed in the people that I typically count on to help me. Tell me what happens when a person doesn't feel good for 4 damn weeks. Seriously, what happens to you mentally when you feel sick for four weeks. It's like fricking morning sickness that won't go away....only I'm not getting a baby out of the deal. That's ok though, four is enough!
I'm just feeling bitchy. At least I am going to talk to someone tomorrow. See if they can get my head on straight. Once I get all my bloodwork back, I should be able to get myself in the right direction. In the meantime, all I have is my blog. At home I'm the cook, housekeeper, slave! I do laundry, dishes, clean the floors. Sami overflowed the damn toilet tonight while Scott was in the shower and he couldn't even take care of it. I had to put rubber gloves on and go pick up toilet water towels and clean the bathroom floor. Unpaid slave, that's what I am.....
I'm sorry things aren't going well, Tracy. Feeling ill and not knowing what's wrong is the pits. Until you actually find out, you make yourself feel worse by imagining the worst. I can't say that everything will be fine once you find out, but, at least, you'll be able to move in the direction to get it corrected. I'm there with you, spiritually, since I can't be there physically.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to the unpaid slave remark: one of the things I say most around here is, "I left my maid uniform at the cleaners; please do it yourself." ;)
Again, I am so sorry you are going thru such a difficult time. I hate knowing that you are hurting and there's nothing I can do about it. I am here ANYTIME if you want to talk. And I agree with your friend Beth, "I left my maid uniform at the cleaners, please do it yourself."
ReplyDeleteJan