I am totally exhausted and it's not even 10pm. I'm ready for sleep and the kids are wide awake and playing on the computer on the floor in my room. Whatever happened to bedtime? I can tell you what happened. The kids are home with Jourdan during the day, she gets them to take a nap. They stay up until 10 or 11pm because they have slept 3 or 4 hours in the midle of the day. It's exhausting.
Well, it was back to work today. There is some major tension at work. I know, I know, it's a typical small office environment. I was there on thur and fri but I guess all hell was breaking loose. What pissed me off themost is that Jason was on call in and that means at lest an hour of EPR work. Jenny and Chris were being such fucking assholes, they sent Jason hom right after he got there.
I don't get it. When you are on call in at the shop, they keep you there in case a pick up job comes in. They give you odds and ends work for an hour or two. Instead of that, they just sent him home because Chris Jenny had a meltdown. Fuck them. I gave Jenny a hard time, seriously. Really pissed me off to no end.
I dont' know what's going to happen. Just when I think I want to stay at their office something like this happens. I wish Jason would look for a different job and then I wouldn't feel so bad about leaving. I've had two really great job offers in the last 3 weeks for law firms that I've turned down because I felt like I didn't want to leave TMAT. Now I'm having second thoughts.
This isn't really what I wanted to talk about tonight.
I wanted to talk about our trip up north. We had a great time, we visited Indian Village, Castle Rock, the Lighthouse Tower, and all kinds of cool things. The kids had a really great time. They swam in the pool and the hot tub and it was great. There were times that we had the pool and the hottub to ourselves. They had a great, huge pool and a hot tub that was as big as our livingroom. The kids had so much fun, and so did we.
So we did all the usual up-north stuff. I got some great photo's of the bridge. The only thing we didn't do, and it disappoints me, we didn't go down to the lake and watch the bridge light up. I think that's the first time we've ever missed that. I'm a little disappointed in that.
I wanted to make a note that Paul has still not contacted Jourdan. I think that at this point, he's just sitting there waiting for Jourdan to call him and kiss his ass. I know that if she calls him first, it's going to be a victory for him. It really pisses me off. How can a parent not call their child, knowing how that child feels about him? I just don't get it.
I know I can't change the way he feels. I know that I have no control over it. I also know that I have to help Jourdan get through a really tough time. She wrote in her letter that if he wanted to be a part of her life, he needed to stop treating her like shit. Treat her the way he wanted to be treated. The same would go for her kids. She didn't want anything to do with him unless he started treating her decent. She also told him it wasn't ok for him to cuss at her and hang up the phone on her.
Well, he definitely owes her an apology! Yet, the phone doesn't ring. All he had to say wsa that she never better call him for anymore money. Why does it come down to money? Selfish son of a bitch~!
Enough of that! I dont' really want to talk about Paul tonight. I have too many other things going on inside of me right now. It's no wonder I need therapy. I should probably go about 2 or 3 times a week. My hour goes by so damn fast it's terrible. I have so much to work on inside myslef and I'm trying. The kids and Scott are not making it easy for me.
My goal is to get rid of the emotional stress eating. It's also my goal to stop having my anxiety attacks. Those are the worst. I've started having them as I'm waking up. Whats up with that? I'm dreaming aobut some bad shit, an it's causing me to have anxiety attacks when I am waking up. I want to get that under control.
Whoa....had to delete some stuff, I was starting to get a little out Sorry I got off topic, more later.
Glad you all had a great time over the weekend; that's as it should be. A little R&R never hurt anyone. Don't forget to post pictures when you can, I'd love to see them.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to the therapy, I was going for almost five years (this Oct would've been five) but my counselor told me that I've made so much progress that we should take a break and see how I do. If need be, I'll find a new counselor in MD once we get there but I think I'm okay for now. I'm hanging in there.
The changes you want to make won't happen over night; they'll take a while and you'll have to work really hard at it. I know you will, too, just because you want to feel better. Been there and done that. I wish you luck with it, and you know I'm here if you need me. :)