Finally Over the Hump

I'm finally feeling a little bit better, about the emotional stuff anyways. I spent an entire week crying my eyes out. I've been miserable with wisdom teeth....how awful is that? I've had sick kids....such a joy. And to top it off, I dislocated my collar bone last Friday. What a moron. Who the hell puts their collar bone out?

I guess I do. And it hurts. Seriously, it hurts like hell. I was starting to feel better after being home for two days. I went to work today and totally set my healing back by sitting in my chair typing all day. Gawd my shoulder and arm have been throbbing all day!

Ok, enough bitching about that....you don't need to here me whine anymore.

John was home yesterday, he has an ear infection. Well after a dose of ibuprofen, some cold medicine and a dose of antibiotic he started to feel better. So, he went into the bedroom with Sami and completely tore it apart. I'm not kidding, you couldn't even see the floor. But he was being a good big brother....he taught Sami how to climb in and out of her crib all by herself.

Ugh! Trying to get her to stay in bed last night was terrible. She kept getting up and getting up. I gave her a little swat, but it really didn't bother her. I eventually had to threaten her with daddy. "If you don't stay in your bed I'm going to have daddy come in here". That was the end of that. Except she got out of her bed by herself this morning.

Luckily I was already up so everything was safe. But I'm wondering how the weekends are going to be. She is such a little busy body. Oh my gosh, she gets into EVERYTHING! Her favorite thing to do.....get a cup and drag a chair over to the fridge and fill it up with the water in the door. Then she goes to the sink, dumps it out, and starts all over. We end up with ice and water across the whole kitchen! It doesn't bother me at all because Scott is always the lucky one to soak it up with his socks, lol.

So, in a nutshell, I'm feeling better. I'm not crying every two seconds and I have more energy. And this sounds so cheesy but I've been thinking alot about my age. I know what you're thinking. Tracy has been thinking about her age????? No way!!!

I know, this isn't the first time we've talked about this. I think that seeing a 23 year old kid laying in a coffin really caused me to have an emotional breakdown....at least for a couple of days. I cannot even imagine how Jeanne is hanging on after losing her son. But he died a hero and our entire community is proud of his service and thankful that he was in the military to protect us here in the U.S.

Well, I've been looking at my kids and they are growing so fast. Jason is graduating this year and this fall, Jourdan will be a senior in high school. She'll be able to take drivers training in the fall. I don't know how that can be because she's my little baby girl. (I think some people call this....denial?)

Time is just going by so fast. Where the hell did 2009 go? It was just March and here we are at the end of January 2010. It feels like the older I get, the faster time goes. I'm trying to look at life a little bit differently. I don't want to get to 80 and have all of these regrets.

One of the big issues in my marriage is that Scott wants to move out west. This is really tearing me up inside. He is miserable here in Michigan, and he is here because he loves me and our kids. I want him to be happy to though. With Jason starting college and having a full ride here in Michigan I'm worried about him not wanting to move until he's done with school. Plus, he has Hope. I know he doesn't want to leave Hope......he loves her.

We're trying to sell our house. It is my hope that we will sell it and then buy something yucky in the country that we can remodel. That is what we have done with every house we've had. Someday, we'll build our dream house. I don't want that someday to never come, so we're trying to make plans. Scott is investing in his 401K and we are getting our debt paid down in a pretty good pace. I've filed our taxes and we should have them next Friday, so two credit cards will be paid in full. Yay! This will help our budget so much.

I need to make some changes and take advantage of what the good Lord has given to Scott and I. There are alot of people out there who have it much worse than we do. The biggest thing I want to change is to spend time with my kids. Last summer we only went camping one time. Ridiculous. We have this great camper sitting out there and we used it once! How stupid.

I'm thinking this will be the last summer that Jason will actually live at home, that is how it was for me...for Tina too. I want to enjoy this year as a family. I miss my kids terribly and I wish that I could figure out a way to make money and still be at home. I could always do bookkeeping, but small businesses are struggling. I can do freelance paralegal work, but there are newly graduated attorney's interviewing for paralegal jobs.....so I don't have a chance.

At work, Jenny has the best quote written on the board. I can't remember who wrote it, but I love the quote.

If you have integrity, nothing else matters.
If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters.

I love that! Maybe this should be my New Years resolution. Spend more time with my kids. Return phone calls as promised and be a better friend to my friends. I've been a shitty friend to some of my friends. Like Sally, I haven't talked to Sally and Alice for months and months. And they were the last ones to call me....so it's my turn. And I've let them down....and I feel bad. I think about them all the time, but I let the hectic stressful life take over me and a week turns into a month, turns into 3 months, turns into a year. I feel bad about it and I'm the only one who can change it. That's my goal!

Something I'm so thankful for is that I've reconnected with Janice. She is one of my very favorite people on this earth and I love her like a sister. For a long time we didn't talk and finally I kicked myself in the ass one day and stopped over to see her. Lately, we've been pretty tight and I love it. What's better is that Hope and Jason are dating, so I think that has made us even closer too. And I can't forget Kathie. My good friend Kathie who is always there for me. She's a great person and a great friend. I'm looking forward to going out to lunch with her and all the kids tomorrow.

And, Janice and I are trying to plan a girls day out. This includes hitting the craft stores, just to look around because that's what I LOVE to do. Then maybe some dinner and coctails. Yes, coctails...we needs lots of alcohol! LOL

I feel better now. I can't type anymore. Whatever is going on in my shoulder has the nerve in my thumb and index finger all screwed up and they are both numb. Makes it hard to type. Have a great night.