I've been thinking for some time about a way to make some extra money. All the time I hear about someone who started out with some little idea and ends up turning into a HUGE successful money-making business. Well, I have an idea.
I'm not ready to share it yet because I need to talk to Scott some more about it and do some research. I mentioned it to Scott tonight at dinner and he didn't seem to mind. I said that it does cost to buy the kit to get started, but I didn't elaborate. Basically, to start my business I would need to decide how much to invest. A) $250 and then I get a 35% discount on everything I purchase to re-sell. B) $500 and I will still get a 35% discount on the products I purchase for re-sale. C) $1000 purchase and I will immediately earn a 50% discount on any purchases that I make for re-sale.
Ok, I know this looks a little odd since I'm not saying what I'm thinking of selling. I've just been thinking about this for a while and our friends, Jim and Lisa, came up from Ohio this weekend and we got talking about it. Lisa's friend has made quite a lucrative business and makes a shit-load of money.
She has a niche. She focuses on a particular area and in just two months she made $30,000. That was all her money, free and clear. Now, I know that she must have busted her ass, but the idea she has is a great one. The best part is, if I were to start this new business around the time my taxes come, it'll be perfect timing for the area I want to focus on.
I know, I'm not giving you many details. I'm just wondering if I really want to go out a couple nights a week to do in-home parties for people? I sold Mary Kay alot of years ago and it was tough to be away from home when my kids were home. It's so different now that Scott is with me, he's actually a dad and I don't have those problems with him.
Anyhow, I think to myself....if I never take a chance I will never improve my situation. People succeed in life by taking chances. This type of business, that I'm thinking of investing in, is not over populated here in Michigan. Seriously. Tupperware, Avon, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, and Tastefully Simple.....you can't turn a corner without running into someone who sells it. This, is different.
I read on their website that the company gives away over $4million in luxury trips each year, bonuses, cars, etc. I'm sick and tired of sitting here waiting for something good to come along. If you want something, you have to go out there and get it for yourself. You can't wait for someone to hand you success, unless your name is Kennedy or something like that.
I'm pretty sure I want to do this, but I think I'll do it a little different than the way I've approached other things. First, I'm going to write up a business plan. For any small business that a person is trying to get financed, the first thing the bank wants to see is a business plan. So, I'm going to put together a business plan with the intent of making the $1000 investment.
I'm going to research the cost of advertising, and I'm going to research where I can advertise to reach the people I'm looking for. I want to be cost efficient and I want to be successful. That will be my project for the next month. I may even take a notebook with me for our drive to Montana., That will give me something to do, work on my business plan.
I'm going to need that in place in order to convince Scott to let me spend money to get started in this business. We've both made really stupid financial mistakes. If I want to get into this business I will have to wait until our tax returns come back next year. I don't have that kind of money laying around, but I might be able to work on Scott and get him on board with this.
Wish me luck.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Emotional Blackmail
I had started typing a post a couple nights ago, and it was quite lengthy. I think I got tired and wasn't able to finish it....so it's been sitting in limbo. And here I am, starting over.
In my post I was talking about the trip that Scott and I are getting ready to take. The 9 day trip that our kids are not going on with us. You can see my hesitation I'm sure. I had this big long speech about how my mom could make it easier for me. She could give me reassurance and help me to calm my nerves about going without the kids. Seriously, I'm having anxiety attacks over it.
Ok, not the point I'm trying to get at. I had this long post about my disappointment over my mom not offering up some reassurance. Like I already said in my comment section, to Beth, I've spent alot of time talking to my therapist about my parents and about my childhood.
As an adult who is pretty normal when it comes to being a parent, I'm protective of my kids. I worry about them constantly. I put my kids first. I make sure they have what they need. I am there for them when they need me.
Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this. As this adult that I just described, I keep looking to my parents and wondering when they are going to come to their senses and be the type of parent I am. Everytime something happens, like withe the duct tape, I keep waiting for them to wake up and suddenly become normal. According to my therapist, I have these expectations of my family.
It's not bad for me to have these expectations. After all, I feel like I'm pretty normal and what I've discovered is that I am doing something that is making me feel much worse than I need to. When crazy shit happens, like with the duct tape, I look at my family and expect them to be like me, to be normal. To not worry about a roll of duct tape. When they don't act normal and they show their true dysfunctional selves, I can't figure it out. I'm looking at them and I'm trying to make sense of it in my head.
Well, when you are dealing with dysfunctional people, you just can make any fucking sense out of their behavior. This is what I'm trying to wrap my head around. I've been making myself crazy wanting them to act like normal parents. Well, what I feel should be normal. Ya know, the way I am with my kids. If I have something here in my home, my kids will not go without. Bottom line. And I'm not going to bitch about it. And I'm not going to make them feel bad about it.
All the grief that I get from my mom about going away without my kids, it's emotional blackmail. I didn't even realize it until this week. I'm letting her crazy dysfunctional ideas affect my everyday life. I'm letting her break me down to where I'm having anxiety attacks over leaving my kids home.
Last year Scott and I were going away over 1 night to visit his friends in Ohio. One lousy night away, our first in 6 years. When my mom got here, she stood right here in my kitchen telling me how she and my dad NEVER left us kids to go anywhere overnight. This is making me feel better....how? For one thing, it was a lie. My parents went away overnight every single year for the wedding anniversary and we'd stay with our Grandma or our Uncle Kev.
That morning, my mom had me completely broken down. I was crying and I told Scott that I couldn't go. There was no way I could go away overnight. All of the sudden, mom to the rescue. She changes her tune and tells me to just go, the kids will be fine. What the fuck! First you drag me down to where I'm a complete mess and then you try to rescue me by being the hero....telling me to just go because the kids will be fine and they'll have a great time???
Emotional blackmail. I didn't even realize it until my therapist spelled it out very clearly. My mom is clever. She wants to be appreciated. She wants to get the recognition she deserves. She wants to be the doting Grandmother. "Oh, Tracy didn't want to leave the kids but I convinced her to go. They really need to get away and I told her the kids would be just fine and they'd have so much fun. Aren't I a great person for helping her to get out of the house."
My parents pretend to be these wonderful doting grandparents. The truth is, my mom just feels put-out when she has to watch the kids. They are an annoyance. And my dad, well he just doesn't like the kids there at all. Not just my kids. Any little kids. He doesn't like them. He doesn't want them to touch anything in their house. Remember I told you in an old post about how his stuff in his house is so much better than anyone else's stuff? His is more important and for sure...one of these damn kids are going to break something, or make something dirty!
It's interesting because my therapist also told me that most of the time when parents struggle to be good parents, by the time they have grandkids they catch on. But there are those few who still don't get it. Welcome to my family.
So that's what I'm dealing with right now. You might be thinking, "shut the hell up, you're going on a trip with your husband, what are you bitching about?" If you know me well, you know how hard it is for me to leave my kids. I feel guilty over going on a dinner date and leaving the kids home for 2 hours. For so long, my life has revolved around my kids and I'm trying really hard to focus on Scott too. A good marriage takes work and our marriage has been so good that I haven't focused on it in a while. Well, that's when things can sneak up on you. So, I'm working on that.
In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to control my anxiety over leaving the kids. I've decided to have limited contact with my mom before the trip. I know it will turn into a very bad emotional experience for me and I'll go away feeling worse than I already do. And I can't change the way she behaves.
I thought about calling her and trying to explain how I feel. That never works, she turns it around on me. She starts in on me saying, "oh yeah I'm a lousy mother, I know how you feel about me, what about the way you treat your kids...." It's just not worth it.
In my post I was talking about the trip that Scott and I are getting ready to take. The 9 day trip that our kids are not going on with us. You can see my hesitation I'm sure. I had this big long speech about how my mom could make it easier for me. She could give me reassurance and help me to calm my nerves about going without the kids. Seriously, I'm having anxiety attacks over it.
Ok, not the point I'm trying to get at. I had this long post about my disappointment over my mom not offering up some reassurance. Like I already said in my comment section, to Beth, I've spent alot of time talking to my therapist about my parents and about my childhood.
As an adult who is pretty normal when it comes to being a parent, I'm protective of my kids. I worry about them constantly. I put my kids first. I make sure they have what they need. I am there for them when they need me.
Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this. As this adult that I just described, I keep looking to my parents and wondering when they are going to come to their senses and be the type of parent I am. Everytime something happens, like withe the duct tape, I keep waiting for them to wake up and suddenly become normal. According to my therapist, I have these expectations of my family.
It's not bad for me to have these expectations. After all, I feel like I'm pretty normal and what I've discovered is that I am doing something that is making me feel much worse than I need to. When crazy shit happens, like with the duct tape, I look at my family and expect them to be like me, to be normal. To not worry about a roll of duct tape. When they don't act normal and they show their true dysfunctional selves, I can't figure it out. I'm looking at them and I'm trying to make sense of it in my head.
Well, when you are dealing with dysfunctional people, you just can make any fucking sense out of their behavior. This is what I'm trying to wrap my head around. I've been making myself crazy wanting them to act like normal parents. Well, what I feel should be normal. Ya know, the way I am with my kids. If I have something here in my home, my kids will not go without. Bottom line. And I'm not going to bitch about it. And I'm not going to make them feel bad about it.
All the grief that I get from my mom about going away without my kids, it's emotional blackmail. I didn't even realize it until this week. I'm letting her crazy dysfunctional ideas affect my everyday life. I'm letting her break me down to where I'm having anxiety attacks over leaving my kids home.
Last year Scott and I were going away over 1 night to visit his friends in Ohio. One lousy night away, our first in 6 years. When my mom got here, she stood right here in my kitchen telling me how she and my dad NEVER left us kids to go anywhere overnight. This is making me feel better....how? For one thing, it was a lie. My parents went away overnight every single year for the wedding anniversary and we'd stay with our Grandma or our Uncle Kev.
That morning, my mom had me completely broken down. I was crying and I told Scott that I couldn't go. There was no way I could go away overnight. All of the sudden, mom to the rescue. She changes her tune and tells me to just go, the kids will be fine. What the fuck! First you drag me down to where I'm a complete mess and then you try to rescue me by being the hero....telling me to just go because the kids will be fine and they'll have a great time???
Emotional blackmail. I didn't even realize it until my therapist spelled it out very clearly. My mom is clever. She wants to be appreciated. She wants to get the recognition she deserves. She wants to be the doting Grandmother. "Oh, Tracy didn't want to leave the kids but I convinced her to go. They really need to get away and I told her the kids would be just fine and they'd have so much fun. Aren't I a great person for helping her to get out of the house."
My parents pretend to be these wonderful doting grandparents. The truth is, my mom just feels put-out when she has to watch the kids. They are an annoyance. And my dad, well he just doesn't like the kids there at all. Not just my kids. Any little kids. He doesn't like them. He doesn't want them to touch anything in their house. Remember I told you in an old post about how his stuff in his house is so much better than anyone else's stuff? His is more important and for sure...one of these damn kids are going to break something, or make something dirty!
It's interesting because my therapist also told me that most of the time when parents struggle to be good parents, by the time they have grandkids they catch on. But there are those few who still don't get it. Welcome to my family.
So that's what I'm dealing with right now. You might be thinking, "shut the hell up, you're going on a trip with your husband, what are you bitching about?" If you know me well, you know how hard it is for me to leave my kids. I feel guilty over going on a dinner date and leaving the kids home for 2 hours. For so long, my life has revolved around my kids and I'm trying really hard to focus on Scott too. A good marriage takes work and our marriage has been so good that I haven't focused on it in a while. Well, that's when things can sneak up on you. So, I'm working on that.
In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to control my anxiety over leaving the kids. I've decided to have limited contact with my mom before the trip. I know it will turn into a very bad emotional experience for me and I'll go away feeling worse than I already do. And I can't change the way she behaves.
I thought about calling her and trying to explain how I feel. That never works, she turns it around on me. She starts in on me saying, "oh yeah I'm a lousy mother, I know how you feel about me, what about the way you treat your kids...." It's just not worth it.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Life Is To Short To Be Unhappy....
Scott told me a couple of days ago that his friend Doug, from work, was in the hospital. He'd had a pace-maker put in a short time ago went home from the hospital and felt great. Now, he's in his early 50's so he's not a really old guy. His son works at the shop too.
I guess a couple weeks went by and he started to not feel good. So, he ended up back at the hospital and he was diagnosed with MRSA! Remember the big scare a couple of years back? I remember it vividly because everyone was freaking out about hospitals and locker rooms. People started getting really sick and then people started to die from it. It's nothing to mess with and scary as hell.
So Scott told me earlier in the week that Doug was back in the hospital and he'd been diagnosed with MRSA. I said, "should we go see him?" He said no cos they were going to send him home within a day or two.
Well, Scott called me while I was at Meijer tonight and told me that Doug had just passed away.
What? Doug is gone? He's so young. Of course I cried, right there in the store. After I hung up with Scott the first thing I thought to myself was that life is too short to not like yourself. But there is a problem. You don't like yourself Tracy.
I've been thinking about that all night long. I'm 40 years old and I'm not happy with myself. I'm the only one who can change that. I beat myself up over it all the time. Yet, here I am still not liking myself. And what I really mean by that is not liking what I see in the mirror. I'm not healthy.
Anyone who needs to lose 35 or 40 pounds is not healthy. The last time I had bloodwork done my tri-glycerides were high. This is not a good thing. I read up on it and discovered that it's very dangerous and will lead to heart disease. That scares the hell out of me. Yet....still....I don't like myself and I've done nothing to change.
WTF! Why can't I get myself together here? I'm an emotional eater. I've talked about this quite a bit in therapy. I'm supposed to be working on some journaling in between appt's but it's really tough to do. It really brings out some bad emotional shit. I know I need to get it out, but it's beating the shit out of me in the process.
I mean, look at my post a few days ago. I'm dreaming about all this stuff that I keep drudging up. Yet if I don't, I'll keep having anxiety attacks. There's just no pleasing me right now.
So, I think that my need for weight loss is more than just bad eating habits. It's a combination of that and an eating disorder that I haven't gotten to the bottom of. I don't want to die young. I don't want to die when I'm in my 50's. I want to see my kids grow up and I want to see my grandkids and their kids.
I'm sitting here thinking about this and it's making me cry. Life is so short. It is so short yet I have wasted so much time being unhappy with myself. Unhappy with myself because I let other people decide how i'm going to feel about me.
We all deserve to feel good about ourselves. I just want to feel good about me. I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror and I just don't know how to get there yet. Wow, that really sucks doesn't it!
Well, it's late and I'm tired and emotional. I've got PMS written all over me and Scott's friend died today. Really, life is a bitch sometimes!
I guess a couple weeks went by and he started to not feel good. So, he ended up back at the hospital and he was diagnosed with MRSA! Remember the big scare a couple of years back? I remember it vividly because everyone was freaking out about hospitals and locker rooms. People started getting really sick and then people started to die from it. It's nothing to mess with and scary as hell.
So Scott told me earlier in the week that Doug was back in the hospital and he'd been diagnosed with MRSA. I said, "should we go see him?" He said no cos they were going to send him home within a day or two.
Well, Scott called me while I was at Meijer tonight and told me that Doug had just passed away.
What? Doug is gone? He's so young. Of course I cried, right there in the store. After I hung up with Scott the first thing I thought to myself was that life is too short to not like yourself. But there is a problem. You don't like yourself Tracy.
I've been thinking about that all night long. I'm 40 years old and I'm not happy with myself. I'm the only one who can change that. I beat myself up over it all the time. Yet, here I am still not liking myself. And what I really mean by that is not liking what I see in the mirror. I'm not healthy.
Anyone who needs to lose 35 or 40 pounds is not healthy. The last time I had bloodwork done my tri-glycerides were high. This is not a good thing. I read up on it and discovered that it's very dangerous and will lead to heart disease. That scares the hell out of me. Yet....still....I don't like myself and I've done nothing to change.
WTF! Why can't I get myself together here? I'm an emotional eater. I've talked about this quite a bit in therapy. I'm supposed to be working on some journaling in between appt's but it's really tough to do. It really brings out some bad emotional shit. I know I need to get it out, but it's beating the shit out of me in the process.
I mean, look at my post a few days ago. I'm dreaming about all this stuff that I keep drudging up. Yet if I don't, I'll keep having anxiety attacks. There's just no pleasing me right now.
So, I think that my need for weight loss is more than just bad eating habits. It's a combination of that and an eating disorder that I haven't gotten to the bottom of. I don't want to die young. I don't want to die when I'm in my 50's. I want to see my kids grow up and I want to see my grandkids and their kids.
I'm sitting here thinking about this and it's making me cry. Life is so short. It is so short yet I have wasted so much time being unhappy with myself. Unhappy with myself because I let other people decide how i'm going to feel about me.
We all deserve to feel good about ourselves. I just want to feel good about me. I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror and I just don't know how to get there yet. Wow, that really sucks doesn't it!
Well, it's late and I'm tired and emotional. I've got PMS written all over me and Scott's friend died today. Really, life is a bitch sometimes!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
When They Need Me.....
Beth and I have had alot of discussion lately about our families. Lord help us to accept the things our families dish out!
When I first opened up my blog page, I scanned by my long post from the other night again. Not to read it, but to look for a comment. I knew Beth would have something to say that would make me feel better. I was right.
I met Beth during Paralegal classes at Kaplan. We had several online classes together and that's how we got to be friends. We have never met but I have come to depend on her. I read her blog, and I know she reads mine....and then we talk things over. What a great friendship we have!
I had an interesting thing happen tonight at my parents house, and as soon as it happened I knew that it would be my blog topic for tonight.
Scott had called me earlier at work and said that he was going to take John for a guys night out. Ok. He wanted to go up to Trufant to Joey's house and look at an old car. I can't even remember what it is, but it's 40 or so years old and it's the kind you park in the pole barn and restore it.
Jourdan wanted to go hang out with her cousin and Jason was working so I thought it would be fun for me and Samantha to have a girls night. I took her to McDonalds for a chicken nugget kids meal and I got an iced tea. Lowell McDonalds has the BEST iced tea! And it's only $1!!!
Anyhow, I asked Sami what she wanted to do. "Go see TT and cat". That means go to my parents house to see Aunt Tina and Kitty. She LOVES Kitty and Aunt Tina lets Sami give her treats. Yum.
So, the guys left, Jourdan left, and we went to McDonalds then to my parents house. My mom was really shocked because we never go up there. Well, we are never invited either. I know, I don't need an invitation to go to my parents house. I have issues ok!
We actually had a nice time. Tina was there so Sami was very happy. We hung out and talked politics and who we want to vote for in August for the primary and who we hope will run for Governor in November. My dad, Tina, and I all love to talk politics.
I happened to check my phone and realized that I'd missed a call from Scott. Don't know how...the phone was sitting right there. So I called him back and he said he was on his way home. Trufant is about a 45 minute drive so I knew I had a few more mintues to chat. He asked me if I could put foil back on the bedroom window when I got home so he could sleep.
Have I talked about this already? I guess years back before I met Scott he worked 3rd shift and the best thing he found to keep the light out was by putting foil on the windows. He also lived in Alaska for over 2 years and during the summer you only get a couple hours of dusk...not darkness. Anyhow, he talked me into putting foil on the windows a while back because he's been getting up so early for work. That means he goes to bed by 8pm and it's still sunny and he has a hard time getting to sleep.
I told him I'd try to get the foil on the window tonight. It's on one of our bedroom windows but I accidentally tore the foil on the other one so I pulled it off. When I hung up I asked my mom if she had any duct tape. I like to use duct tape to go around the outter edge of the foil because it keeps it secure to the window and peels off easily later. She said she had some in the bottom drawer.
Ok, good. Don't have to stop at Meijer and drag Sami in just to buy a roll of duct tape.
This is leading to something, I' promise. So I go to leave and I'm putting a couple things in a walmart bag. Mom, Dad, Tina and I are all standing in the kitchen and mom pulls out the duct tape but tries to hide it. I'm taking it from her to put in the bag I'm holding and my dad get's extremely pissed off.
Do you remember what I've said about my dad being super weird about his stuff? Because my dad's stuff, I don't care what it is, is somehow more valuable and more important than anyone else's stuff. And he's selfish so he doesn't want to give up any of his stuff. Even 10 feet of duct tape, that he didn't even buy.
So he's giving my mom the stink eye and goes out the back door to the garage to smoke and pout. I'm like, "what's his problem?" Mom tells me, "it's not that he minds you using it, he's just worried about getting it back." A $3.00 roll of duct tape? Are you fucking kidding me? To begin with, it was a roll that my mom bought to replace a roll of Tina's duct tape that she'd used on her dryer duct.
I'm like, you're kidding me. Then my mom, in her infinite wisdom, tells me that he's just worried about it being there the next time he goes to use it. Excuse me? Lets just get this clear, if my dad can't roll it, light it, and smoke it....he won't use it. If anyone in that house could tell me the last time that my dad used a scrap of duct tape to fix anything I'd give them a million bucks.
Let me point out the above statement again. The roll was one that my MOM had bought to replace the roll that my MOM borrowed from Tina. My MOM had used the roll to secure the vent on her dryer.
My dad doesn't do a fucking thing around his house. I take that back, I think he mows the lawn. When my mom wanted a garbage disposal, she put the damn thing in. When she wanted a dishwasher, she used a saw to cut out the cupboard and she installed all the water lines and drain pipe herself. When the thingy inside the toilet stops working, she is the one who replaces the guts to make it flush again. When the damn wax ring under the toilet needs to be replaced, who do you think does it?
So for my dad to stand there and be pissed off and worried about that roll of duct tape is so fricking ridiculous. I already know what is going to happen. I'll give it about 24 hours and he'll make my mom call down here and ask if I'm done with that roll of duct tape. Not kidding you, he's done it before. Seriously, that's why I never ask them for anything. I don't even know why I thought to ask to use some duct tape. I was on the phone with Scott, and it just popped out of my mouth because I didn't want to stop at Meijer.
I'm very positive that I've talked about this type of thing before. Why a parent wouldn't do anything they could for their kid. I know when I first met Scott, and I think I already wrote about this, it was a big joke at his mom's house. He'd go to Ohio to visit and a week later she would realize he'd taken something home with him. She was telling me how he'd called and invited her up for a visit. When she showed up he was standing there with a roll of wallpaper. She ended up spending the weekend putting wallpaper up in his kitchen, lol.
Because that's what parent's do.
My kids will never owe me back the hundred bucks they needed to borrow for a short week or something they need for their kids. If they call me in the middle of the night and need a gallon of milk for the baby, guess what I'll be doing? If I have some thing they need, it's theirs. That's how it's supposed to work.
Remember the very early episodes of Friends when Rachel had all her dad's credit cards? Then throughout the years of episodes he was there for anything she needed. I know, it's TV....but it really is that way for some people.
My friend Kathie, she has parents who do anything for her. They shop for her, pick her kids up from school, wrap Christmas presents, run kids to practice and ball games. They are at her beck and call. They still have a life, but you know what I mean. They are parents and they dote on their grandkids. She works alot of hours and she couldn't do what she does without the help of her parents.
For me, that help just doesn't exist. I'm on my own and I guess I've gotten used to it. I depend on Scott and I depend on my kids. Jourdan especially. She helps me so much. She is like a little mom to John and Sam. She takes such good care of them and I'm so thankful that she is like me. She can be a stinker, but she has alot of responsibility around here helping me and she never asks for anything. She's a good kid.
I know that I'm a better parent for the things I've experienced in my life. I'm trying really hard to look at myself and not base my judgment on the opinion of others. Like Scott's sister. She's a bitch! Scott told me long ago that she is a mean-hearted miserable person who's unhappy with her life and that's why she attacked me. Beth told me the same thing. But this time it sunk in. Finally, after four years I can let go of it.
So that's my story for tonight. To some it might look like I spoil my kids. They really aren't spoiled too much....maybe a little. But, they are good kids and when they grow up and get married and have kids of their own I am going to be a FANTASTIC grandma. My kids will know that they can count on me, I promise not to be intrusive, but when they need me I'll be there.
When I first opened up my blog page, I scanned by my long post from the other night again. Not to read it, but to look for a comment. I knew Beth would have something to say that would make me feel better. I was right.
I met Beth during Paralegal classes at Kaplan. We had several online classes together and that's how we got to be friends. We have never met but I have come to depend on her. I read her blog, and I know she reads mine....and then we talk things over. What a great friendship we have!
I had an interesting thing happen tonight at my parents house, and as soon as it happened I knew that it would be my blog topic for tonight.
Scott had called me earlier at work and said that he was going to take John for a guys night out. Ok. He wanted to go up to Trufant to Joey's house and look at an old car. I can't even remember what it is, but it's 40 or so years old and it's the kind you park in the pole barn and restore it.
Jourdan wanted to go hang out with her cousin and Jason was working so I thought it would be fun for me and Samantha to have a girls night. I took her to McDonalds for a chicken nugget kids meal and I got an iced tea. Lowell McDonalds has the BEST iced tea! And it's only $1!!!
Anyhow, I asked Sami what she wanted to do. "Go see TT and cat". That means go to my parents house to see Aunt Tina and Kitty. She LOVES Kitty and Aunt Tina lets Sami give her treats. Yum.
So, the guys left, Jourdan left, and we went to McDonalds then to my parents house. My mom was really shocked because we never go up there. Well, we are never invited either. I know, I don't need an invitation to go to my parents house. I have issues ok!
We actually had a nice time. Tina was there so Sami was very happy. We hung out and talked politics and who we want to vote for in August for the primary and who we hope will run for Governor in November. My dad, Tina, and I all love to talk politics.
I happened to check my phone and realized that I'd missed a call from Scott. Don't know how...the phone was sitting right there. So I called him back and he said he was on his way home. Trufant is about a 45 minute drive so I knew I had a few more mintues to chat. He asked me if I could put foil back on the bedroom window when I got home so he could sleep.
Have I talked about this already? I guess years back before I met Scott he worked 3rd shift and the best thing he found to keep the light out was by putting foil on the windows. He also lived in Alaska for over 2 years and during the summer you only get a couple hours of dusk...not darkness. Anyhow, he talked me into putting foil on the windows a while back because he's been getting up so early for work. That means he goes to bed by 8pm and it's still sunny and he has a hard time getting to sleep.
I told him I'd try to get the foil on the window tonight. It's on one of our bedroom windows but I accidentally tore the foil on the other one so I pulled it off. When I hung up I asked my mom if she had any duct tape. I like to use duct tape to go around the outter edge of the foil because it keeps it secure to the window and peels off easily later. She said she had some in the bottom drawer.
Ok, good. Don't have to stop at Meijer and drag Sami in just to buy a roll of duct tape.
This is leading to something, I' promise. So I go to leave and I'm putting a couple things in a walmart bag. Mom, Dad, Tina and I are all standing in the kitchen and mom pulls out the duct tape but tries to hide it. I'm taking it from her to put in the bag I'm holding and my dad get's extremely pissed off.
Do you remember what I've said about my dad being super weird about his stuff? Because my dad's stuff, I don't care what it is, is somehow more valuable and more important than anyone else's stuff. And he's selfish so he doesn't want to give up any of his stuff. Even 10 feet of duct tape, that he didn't even buy.
So he's giving my mom the stink eye and goes out the back door to the garage to smoke and pout. I'm like, "what's his problem?" Mom tells me, "it's not that he minds you using it, he's just worried about getting it back." A $3.00 roll of duct tape? Are you fucking kidding me? To begin with, it was a roll that my mom bought to replace a roll of Tina's duct tape that she'd used on her dryer duct.
I'm like, you're kidding me. Then my mom, in her infinite wisdom, tells me that he's just worried about it being there the next time he goes to use it. Excuse me? Lets just get this clear, if my dad can't roll it, light it, and smoke it....he won't use it. If anyone in that house could tell me the last time that my dad used a scrap of duct tape to fix anything I'd give them a million bucks.
Let me point out the above statement again. The roll was one that my MOM had bought to replace the roll that my MOM borrowed from Tina. My MOM had used the roll to secure the vent on her dryer.
My dad doesn't do a fucking thing around his house. I take that back, I think he mows the lawn. When my mom wanted a garbage disposal, she put the damn thing in. When she wanted a dishwasher, she used a saw to cut out the cupboard and she installed all the water lines and drain pipe herself. When the thingy inside the toilet stops working, she is the one who replaces the guts to make it flush again. When the damn wax ring under the toilet needs to be replaced, who do you think does it?
So for my dad to stand there and be pissed off and worried about that roll of duct tape is so fricking ridiculous. I already know what is going to happen. I'll give it about 24 hours and he'll make my mom call down here and ask if I'm done with that roll of duct tape. Not kidding you, he's done it before. Seriously, that's why I never ask them for anything. I don't even know why I thought to ask to use some duct tape. I was on the phone with Scott, and it just popped out of my mouth because I didn't want to stop at Meijer.
I'm very positive that I've talked about this type of thing before. Why a parent wouldn't do anything they could for their kid. I know when I first met Scott, and I think I already wrote about this, it was a big joke at his mom's house. He'd go to Ohio to visit and a week later she would realize he'd taken something home with him. She was telling me how he'd called and invited her up for a visit. When she showed up he was standing there with a roll of wallpaper. She ended up spending the weekend putting wallpaper up in his kitchen, lol.
Because that's what parent's do.
My kids will never owe me back the hundred bucks they needed to borrow for a short week or something they need for their kids. If they call me in the middle of the night and need a gallon of milk for the baby, guess what I'll be doing? If I have some thing they need, it's theirs. That's how it's supposed to work.
Remember the very early episodes of Friends when Rachel had all her dad's credit cards? Then throughout the years of episodes he was there for anything she needed. I know, it's TV....but it really is that way for some people.
My friend Kathie, she has parents who do anything for her. They shop for her, pick her kids up from school, wrap Christmas presents, run kids to practice and ball games. They are at her beck and call. They still have a life, but you know what I mean. They are parents and they dote on their grandkids. She works alot of hours and she couldn't do what she does without the help of her parents.
For me, that help just doesn't exist. I'm on my own and I guess I've gotten used to it. I depend on Scott and I depend on my kids. Jourdan especially. She helps me so much. She is like a little mom to John and Sam. She takes such good care of them and I'm so thankful that she is like me. She can be a stinker, but she has alot of responsibility around here helping me and she never asks for anything. She's a good kid.
I know that I'm a better parent for the things I've experienced in my life. I'm trying really hard to look at myself and not base my judgment on the opinion of others. Like Scott's sister. She's a bitch! Scott told me long ago that she is a mean-hearted miserable person who's unhappy with her life and that's why she attacked me. Beth told me the same thing. But this time it sunk in. Finally, after four years I can let go of it.
So that's my story for tonight. To some it might look like I spoil my kids. They really aren't spoiled too much....maybe a little. But, they are good kids and when they grow up and get married and have kids of their own I am going to be a FANTASTIC grandma. My kids will know that they can count on me, I promise not to be intrusive, but when they need me I'll be there.
Monday, July 12, 2010
It's Just What I Needed
Wow, sorry about my post last night. I'll bet you were wondering if that sucker was ever going to end! I guess I was just really emotional and needed to get that shit off my chest.
I don't have much to say tonight. The kids are still up and running around like animals. Big shocker there. Jourdan has a friend over. I have to get up early and work tomorrow and I'm tired as hell. I'm also having a salt craving right now. Hey Beth, could ya send me over some of those sunflower seeds? I could use a bowl right now.
So I'm not going to go on and on and bore you to death tonight. I just wanted to stop in and say hello. Thanks for letting me rant and rave last night, I really needed it.
Night
I don't have much to say tonight. The kids are still up and running around like animals. Big shocker there. Jourdan has a friend over. I have to get up early and work tomorrow and I'm tired as hell. I'm also having a salt craving right now. Hey Beth, could ya send me over some of those sunflower seeds? I could use a bowl right now.
So I'm not going to go on and on and bore you to death tonight. I just wanted to stop in and say hello. Thanks for letting me rant and rave last night, I really needed it.
Night
Worse or Better?
One of my favorite shows to watch is Deadliest Catch. Scott and I have watched every single episode over the last 6 years. I was looking at the Cornelia Marie page on Facebook and I'm so sad. Everyone who watches Deadliest Catch knows that Captain Phil Harris passed away earlier this year during Opi season. It's been so weird to watch each episode this year knowing what was going to happen.
Two weeks ago, Phil suffered a major stroke at the end of the espisode. I cried. Last weeks show talked about his 12 hour surgery to relieve pressure on his brain. He was awake and talking to his boys. The doctors were talking to them and saying that most people die from this type of stroke, but that Phil had improved considerably in 24 hours since his surgery. They felt he would make it, yet be in the hospital for at least 8 months. His two boys, as well as Jonathan from the Time Bandit, were so happy.
I cried through nearly the whole show because I know that Phil is going to die. Well, this week is a two hour special Deadliest Catch and Captain Phil's last episode. After reading Beth's blog tonight about the different way's in which she has friends got me thinking about this. I don't know Phil Harris but his death is affecting me deeply.
I guess after watching 6 years of Phil on the Cornelia Marie you start to feel like you know that person. I don't think I would call it "reality TV" because these guys aren't out doing things for the hell of it for a TV show. They are fishing and surviving. It's not like "Survivorman" or "Dual Survival" or those other stupid shows where they take a group of people to an island jungle and then vote them off one at a time. This show is real life. And as fans of the show, we got to know Phil, Sig, Keith, Andy, Jonathan and their crews.
So, it's sad to know that when we watch Deadliest Catch this week, it will show us the end of Phil Harris's life. I was talking to Tina about this tonight and we both decided that it it probably the kind of episode you should watch by yourself because we both know that we are going to be sobbing like babies. I watched last week with Scott, and cried. I told him it was just too sad and it was hard to watch. Thank goodness he didn't tease me. Would be one thing if I was crying over Days of Our Lives (which I've done) but this is real and Phil really did die. It's got to be hard to Phils kids and his friends and family to watch these weekly shows.
Phil wasn't that old. He smoked like a chimney and didn't eat right. I can sort of appreciate what they are going through. I didn't lose either of my parents, but Scott's parents both passed away at early ages. Scott's dad was 59 and I never met him. I've been told that he was a really great guy. Scott's mom was only 64 when she passed away from lung cancer.
I feel like I was close to Jan and I think about her all the time. It's crazy because I keep thinking, she can't be gone. She was too young. I've even had dreams that she came to our house and said things like, "I didn't really die." I guess cancer works that way. Whether your ready or not, if the cancer is bad it's going to take your life. Jan fought it for 2 years.
I remember going to visit her several months before we moved down to Ohio. She had told us that if her current string of chemo didn't work that she was just going to stop. She was tired of being sick and the lung cancer had spread. It was in another spot in her lung and the original cancer tumor had wrapped itself around her aorta. They couldn't remove it. Well, I cried like crazy. How can you just know that you are going to die soon and not be freaking out?
Anyhow, the topic of smoking came up and she started to cry. She had quit just before she found out she had lung cancer. She told me that she was scared that she'd quit too late.
Scott and I went through so much to get our store sold, sell our house, and get permission to move Jason and Jourdan out of Michigan. Remember their dad lives here. We took a loss on the store and the house. The store was a nightmare anyhow. That summer MDOT had decided to do a complete reconstruction of the highway in front of our store and the road was closed from Memorial Weekend until Labor Day weekend.
Well, instead of doing full summer business we were doing about $300 a day in sales. I was pregnant for John and we couldn't afford payroll. Scott had gone back to work at Graphite and I worked 12 hour days on my feet all summer at the store. I had John on August 28th and I stayed one night in the hospital and went back to work the day after I got home. We've never been in worse financial situation. We were paying store bills with Scott's paycheck and we were behind on everything.
I know I'm off my original topic, but you know how things are with blogs. One topic sort of bleeds into the next.
Anyhow, Scott and I were in a bad place. On top of all that, we'd bought our house on land contract. It was a beautiful farmhouse that we spent 4 years remodeling. We had 20 acres and a swimming pool, two bathrooms...one with a 7 foot jaccuzi tub. And the Land Contract holders filed bankruptcy. Our hands were tied. We immediately got pre-approved for a mortgage but Wells Fargo came right our to our house and took pictures, then informed our mortgage guy that they didn't want to provide us a payoff because they wanted to property back.
After making our downpayment of $10,000 in cash and making 2 years of payments at $700 a month we owed just over $80,000 and with all the work we'd done to it, it appraised for $145,000. No wonder they wanted it back right? The land contract holders had a mortgage on it that was around $75,000 - $80,000 so they were going to make a killing if they got it handed back to them. We actually had to let it go through the foreclosure process, it was sold on sheriff sale by auction and then we were finally able to get a payoff amount.
Luckily, the foreclosure process was pricey and added over $10,000 to the balance of the mortgage that was owed. So, we were able to redeem the property and pay off the land contract holders mortgage. It was well over the balance we owed on our land contract. Needless to say, I'll never buy land contract again because there is no protection for the buyer.
This whole process took a year. For a year, our mortgage guy told us honestly that he didn't know how things would shake out and chances were that we'd lose our house, through no fault of our own. We'd never even made a late payment. All of this was happening during Jan's lung cancer, my pregnancy with John, and the road closure in front of our store.
I was in such bad shape that my doctor seriously considered putting me on anti-depressant meds while I was pregant, that's how bad it was. But, I refused and ended up going on them immediately after John was born. So, we did redeem the mortgage and finally were able to sell our store the following March. It took us over a year to sell our house and finally we did in December. That left us free to get the court permission to move the kids and to go to Ohio to be with Jan.
That past year and a half had been so horrible that I was looking for a fresh start. With the road closure in front of the store we were in financial shambles. I had to file bankruptcy. That's hard for me to admit, but I had no choice.
We started packing the day after Christmas and we left for Ohio on December 28th. Scott's mom had come to our house that we'd rented that very weekend. We showed her around and she was so happy that we were there. She passed away 11 days later.
To make an even longer story short, when we went to buy the store Scott's mom had helped us out by helping us secure part of our down payment on the store. When all the shit was hitting the fan financially for us, she let Huntington take some of the payments from the money market that secured the loan. Well, you know what happens in a family when there is money. When Scott's sisters and brother found out about it, they ripped us to shreds.
We had copies of checks for money we'd paid back to Jan but it didn't matter. They had a nasty slimy attorney who actually dropped the F bomb on me during my deposition and yelled at me. Scott's own family sued him in court to get back the original $35,000 Jan had put into that money market. Even though she closed the account and I gave copies of all our checking and savings proving that none of the money went to us personally, they sued Scott in probate court.
So Scott walked away. We had registered letter reciepts for money sent to Jan, but it had all been tossed in the trash when we were moving. We had a huge house that was full and we just had to get rid of stuff. We took truck load after truck load to my friends yard sale and ended selling almost $3000 worth of stuff from our house. So, I wasn't worried about stuff like that. I was able to get check copies from our bank for money we'd sent. Anyhow, we moved back to Michigan because I couldn't stand being there anymore.
When we went back to Ohio to court I was so beside myself nervous I'd take like 4 or 5 of my Klonopin. That's in the valium family so I was a little foggy by the time I was sworn in. Plus, they made Scott leave the room and I was in there with our attorney and Scott's entire family, including his evil uncle. Talk about intimidating. The judge had asked me before I stepped down how much the checks were for that we'd sent. OMG, I couldn't remember if the checks were $5700 and $6300 or $5300 and $6700. The judge ripped me a new ass and told me that I should at least know that. Well, it had been almost a year since I'd dug that out so I wasn't sure. So, because I was drugged and foggy he blew me out of the water and said he didn't believe me. I mean, the checks were right there.
Anyhow, Scott hasn't spoken to his sisters or brother since. They are non-existent. If I happened to see one of them at the local Walmart, they would be so mean to me. I didn't know anyone in Ohio. It broke my heart. So, like I said we decided on a monday that we were coming back to Michigan and on saturday we moved.
I almost forgot. While we were still in Ohio, Scott's sister Connie had sent me a letter. It was the most evil letter I have ever read in my entire life. It was so bad I dreamt about it last week....and this letter was four years ago.
I'd always felt like I was close to Jan. I loved her like another mom. She was honestly one of my favorite people and I was so excited to be moving to Ohio to be closer to her. Well, in Connie's letter she explained to me that Jan hated me with a passion and regularly told people that I was a "worthless piece of shit". She went on to tell me how Jan always complained about me to her friend Lee. Then she brought Scott's friend Jeff into the mix.
I know this is a long post. Sorry. This has been hurting me for four years and I'm finally getting it off my chest. Jeff is an old friend of Scott's and they used to go dear hunting every year up in Mio, MI. Well, Scott hadn't gone for several years and it was somehow my fault. I would tell him Jeff called about hunting and he wouldn't call him back. He just didn't want to go because he said the hunting sucked. How was that my fault?
When Scott and I first got married, Jeff and Scott had a long time planned hunting trip to Canada for a bear. So the August after we'd gotten married he left for 9 days on this hunting trip. Well, that was a horrible 9 days for me. We were newlyweds and he was in the woods...no phone...no contact. I can't describe how bad it was. I had to take sleeping pills at night just to sleep.
A few years went by and I remember Jeff calling and wanting Scott to go on another hunting trip. First of all, the first one had been about $5000. Ouch. We were in the process of buying the store, trying to sell our house and move 70 miles north and buy another house, and we'd been talking about a baby. When Jeff called I happened to be home and I was telling him about our plans and that I didn't know if we could afford a hunting trip. I told him to call Scott back later on that evening.
He did and Scott pretty much told him the same thing. Somehow, it was my fault that Scott didn't go hunting. Back to the letter from Scott's sister. In the letter she told me how Jeff hated me because when he called to ask Scott about going on a hunting trip I told hin that Scott couldn't go and that I never wanted him to call Scott again!
What the fuck! I have never been rude to anyone like that in my life. I remember the night Jeff called because Scott and I were laying in bed watching TV and he told Jeff that he would have to pass this time.
Well, this tore me up so bad I couldn't stand it. This letter just ripped me to shreds. We'd been to dinner with Jeff and his wife, we could see their house from the back yard of our rental house. I called Jeff right up. Have you ever heard of Pappy's Sassafrass Tea? Well, that's his business with his dad and brother.
I called him at the tea plant and told him what Connie's letter had said. I was crying of course because I felt so bad. He was a little cold and I could tell that he blamed me for
Scott not going. He told me how lucky he was that he had a wife who didn't mind that he went off on these expensive hunting trips. I tried to explain to him that at the time he'd called a couple years back, Scott and I were just getting started with our married life. We were trying to start a business. Jeff and his wife have been married for many many years, they had a new house, he had a business with his dad. He was established. We were not in the position to spend $5000 on a hunting trip.
Well, I apologized to him and told him that it just wasn't good timing. I felt terrible about it and I guess I just kept telling him how sorry I was.
There was so much more to the letter. Honestly, I cried daily for two weeks over this letter. It shook me so badly. And to hear so many horrible things that Jan had supposedly felt for me completely broke my heart. I adored Jan. I miss her more than I can say. Sometimes I see someone who looks like her and it makes me want to cry. She was so young and I wanted her to know her grandchildren. I pray that she knows that she has another beautiful granddaughter.
Ok, I'm sorry for such a long post. I haven't talked about this in almost four years. The letter from Connie sent me over the edge. It's what made me want to come back to Michigan. One last tidbit...Beth you'll love this....When all the shit was hitting the fan in Scott's family either Paul tracked down Connie or Connie tracked down Paul for a real big bitch session about me. Paul filled her in on all the financial woes we had, that I'd had to file bankruptcy, he told her I had a car repossessed....which wasn't true.
Paul told me that nobody wanted my sorry ass back in Michigan. They had a real slam fest. All of this was in the letter from Connie. Fucking assholes.
This hurt me more than I can describe. I don't know why it spilled out tonight...guess it was time. I'm just wondering if drudging up all these old bad feelings is going to make me feel worse or better?
Two weeks ago, Phil suffered a major stroke at the end of the espisode. I cried. Last weeks show talked about his 12 hour surgery to relieve pressure on his brain. He was awake and talking to his boys. The doctors were talking to them and saying that most people die from this type of stroke, but that Phil had improved considerably in 24 hours since his surgery. They felt he would make it, yet be in the hospital for at least 8 months. His two boys, as well as Jonathan from the Time Bandit, were so happy.
I cried through nearly the whole show because I know that Phil is going to die. Well, this week is a two hour special Deadliest Catch and Captain Phil's last episode. After reading Beth's blog tonight about the different way's in which she has friends got me thinking about this. I don't know Phil Harris but his death is affecting me deeply.
I guess after watching 6 years of Phil on the Cornelia Marie you start to feel like you know that person. I don't think I would call it "reality TV" because these guys aren't out doing things for the hell of it for a TV show. They are fishing and surviving. It's not like "Survivorman" or "Dual Survival" or those other stupid shows where they take a group of people to an island jungle and then vote them off one at a time. This show is real life. And as fans of the show, we got to know Phil, Sig, Keith, Andy, Jonathan and their crews.
So, it's sad to know that when we watch Deadliest Catch this week, it will show us the end of Phil Harris's life. I was talking to Tina about this tonight and we both decided that it it probably the kind of episode you should watch by yourself because we both know that we are going to be sobbing like babies. I watched last week with Scott, and cried. I told him it was just too sad and it was hard to watch. Thank goodness he didn't tease me. Would be one thing if I was crying over Days of Our Lives (which I've done) but this is real and Phil really did die. It's got to be hard to Phils kids and his friends and family to watch these weekly shows.
Phil wasn't that old. He smoked like a chimney and didn't eat right. I can sort of appreciate what they are going through. I didn't lose either of my parents, but Scott's parents both passed away at early ages. Scott's dad was 59 and I never met him. I've been told that he was a really great guy. Scott's mom was only 64 when she passed away from lung cancer.
I feel like I was close to Jan and I think about her all the time. It's crazy because I keep thinking, she can't be gone. She was too young. I've even had dreams that she came to our house and said things like, "I didn't really die." I guess cancer works that way. Whether your ready or not, if the cancer is bad it's going to take your life. Jan fought it for 2 years.
I remember going to visit her several months before we moved down to Ohio. She had told us that if her current string of chemo didn't work that she was just going to stop. She was tired of being sick and the lung cancer had spread. It was in another spot in her lung and the original cancer tumor had wrapped itself around her aorta. They couldn't remove it. Well, I cried like crazy. How can you just know that you are going to die soon and not be freaking out?
Anyhow, the topic of smoking came up and she started to cry. She had quit just before she found out she had lung cancer. She told me that she was scared that she'd quit too late.
Scott and I went through so much to get our store sold, sell our house, and get permission to move Jason and Jourdan out of Michigan. Remember their dad lives here. We took a loss on the store and the house. The store was a nightmare anyhow. That summer MDOT had decided to do a complete reconstruction of the highway in front of our store and the road was closed from Memorial Weekend until Labor Day weekend.
Well, instead of doing full summer business we were doing about $300 a day in sales. I was pregnant for John and we couldn't afford payroll. Scott had gone back to work at Graphite and I worked 12 hour days on my feet all summer at the store. I had John on August 28th and I stayed one night in the hospital and went back to work the day after I got home. We've never been in worse financial situation. We were paying store bills with Scott's paycheck and we were behind on everything.
I know I'm off my original topic, but you know how things are with blogs. One topic sort of bleeds into the next.
Anyhow, Scott and I were in a bad place. On top of all that, we'd bought our house on land contract. It was a beautiful farmhouse that we spent 4 years remodeling. We had 20 acres and a swimming pool, two bathrooms...one with a 7 foot jaccuzi tub. And the Land Contract holders filed bankruptcy. Our hands were tied. We immediately got pre-approved for a mortgage but Wells Fargo came right our to our house and took pictures, then informed our mortgage guy that they didn't want to provide us a payoff because they wanted to property back.
After making our downpayment of $10,000 in cash and making 2 years of payments at $700 a month we owed just over $80,000 and with all the work we'd done to it, it appraised for $145,000. No wonder they wanted it back right? The land contract holders had a mortgage on it that was around $75,000 - $80,000 so they were going to make a killing if they got it handed back to them. We actually had to let it go through the foreclosure process, it was sold on sheriff sale by auction and then we were finally able to get a payoff amount.
Luckily, the foreclosure process was pricey and added over $10,000 to the balance of the mortgage that was owed. So, we were able to redeem the property and pay off the land contract holders mortgage. It was well over the balance we owed on our land contract. Needless to say, I'll never buy land contract again because there is no protection for the buyer.
This whole process took a year. For a year, our mortgage guy told us honestly that he didn't know how things would shake out and chances were that we'd lose our house, through no fault of our own. We'd never even made a late payment. All of this was happening during Jan's lung cancer, my pregnancy with John, and the road closure in front of our store.
I was in such bad shape that my doctor seriously considered putting me on anti-depressant meds while I was pregant, that's how bad it was. But, I refused and ended up going on them immediately after John was born. So, we did redeem the mortgage and finally were able to sell our store the following March. It took us over a year to sell our house and finally we did in December. That left us free to get the court permission to move the kids and to go to Ohio to be with Jan.
That past year and a half had been so horrible that I was looking for a fresh start. With the road closure in front of the store we were in financial shambles. I had to file bankruptcy. That's hard for me to admit, but I had no choice.
We started packing the day after Christmas and we left for Ohio on December 28th. Scott's mom had come to our house that we'd rented that very weekend. We showed her around and she was so happy that we were there. She passed away 11 days later.
To make an even longer story short, when we went to buy the store Scott's mom had helped us out by helping us secure part of our down payment on the store. When all the shit was hitting the fan financially for us, she let Huntington take some of the payments from the money market that secured the loan. Well, you know what happens in a family when there is money. When Scott's sisters and brother found out about it, they ripped us to shreds.
We had copies of checks for money we'd paid back to Jan but it didn't matter. They had a nasty slimy attorney who actually dropped the F bomb on me during my deposition and yelled at me. Scott's own family sued him in court to get back the original $35,000 Jan had put into that money market. Even though she closed the account and I gave copies of all our checking and savings proving that none of the money went to us personally, they sued Scott in probate court.
So Scott walked away. We had registered letter reciepts for money sent to Jan, but it had all been tossed in the trash when we were moving. We had a huge house that was full and we just had to get rid of stuff. We took truck load after truck load to my friends yard sale and ended selling almost $3000 worth of stuff from our house. So, I wasn't worried about stuff like that. I was able to get check copies from our bank for money we'd sent. Anyhow, we moved back to Michigan because I couldn't stand being there anymore.
When we went back to Ohio to court I was so beside myself nervous I'd take like 4 or 5 of my Klonopin. That's in the valium family so I was a little foggy by the time I was sworn in. Plus, they made Scott leave the room and I was in there with our attorney and Scott's entire family, including his evil uncle. Talk about intimidating. The judge had asked me before I stepped down how much the checks were for that we'd sent. OMG, I couldn't remember if the checks were $5700 and $6300 or $5300 and $6700. The judge ripped me a new ass and told me that I should at least know that. Well, it had been almost a year since I'd dug that out so I wasn't sure. So, because I was drugged and foggy he blew me out of the water and said he didn't believe me. I mean, the checks were right there.
Anyhow, Scott hasn't spoken to his sisters or brother since. They are non-existent. If I happened to see one of them at the local Walmart, they would be so mean to me. I didn't know anyone in Ohio. It broke my heart. So, like I said we decided on a monday that we were coming back to Michigan and on saturday we moved.
I almost forgot. While we were still in Ohio, Scott's sister Connie had sent me a letter. It was the most evil letter I have ever read in my entire life. It was so bad I dreamt about it last week....and this letter was four years ago.
I'd always felt like I was close to Jan. I loved her like another mom. She was honestly one of my favorite people and I was so excited to be moving to Ohio to be closer to her. Well, in Connie's letter she explained to me that Jan hated me with a passion and regularly told people that I was a "worthless piece of shit". She went on to tell me how Jan always complained about me to her friend Lee. Then she brought Scott's friend Jeff into the mix.
I know this is a long post. Sorry. This has been hurting me for four years and I'm finally getting it off my chest. Jeff is an old friend of Scott's and they used to go dear hunting every year up in Mio, MI. Well, Scott hadn't gone for several years and it was somehow my fault. I would tell him Jeff called about hunting and he wouldn't call him back. He just didn't want to go because he said the hunting sucked. How was that my fault?
When Scott and I first got married, Jeff and Scott had a long time planned hunting trip to Canada for a bear. So the August after we'd gotten married he left for 9 days on this hunting trip. Well, that was a horrible 9 days for me. We were newlyweds and he was in the woods...no phone...no contact. I can't describe how bad it was. I had to take sleeping pills at night just to sleep.
A few years went by and I remember Jeff calling and wanting Scott to go on another hunting trip. First of all, the first one had been about $5000. Ouch. We were in the process of buying the store, trying to sell our house and move 70 miles north and buy another house, and we'd been talking about a baby. When Jeff called I happened to be home and I was telling him about our plans and that I didn't know if we could afford a hunting trip. I told him to call Scott back later on that evening.
He did and Scott pretty much told him the same thing. Somehow, it was my fault that Scott didn't go hunting. Back to the letter from Scott's sister. In the letter she told me how Jeff hated me because when he called to ask Scott about going on a hunting trip I told hin that Scott couldn't go and that I never wanted him to call Scott again!
What the fuck! I have never been rude to anyone like that in my life. I remember the night Jeff called because Scott and I were laying in bed watching TV and he told Jeff that he would have to pass this time.
Well, this tore me up so bad I couldn't stand it. This letter just ripped me to shreds. We'd been to dinner with Jeff and his wife, we could see their house from the back yard of our rental house. I called Jeff right up. Have you ever heard of Pappy's Sassafrass Tea? Well, that's his business with his dad and brother.
I called him at the tea plant and told him what Connie's letter had said. I was crying of course because I felt so bad. He was a little cold and I could tell that he blamed me for
Scott not going. He told me how lucky he was that he had a wife who didn't mind that he went off on these expensive hunting trips. I tried to explain to him that at the time he'd called a couple years back, Scott and I were just getting started with our married life. We were trying to start a business. Jeff and his wife have been married for many many years, they had a new house, he had a business with his dad. He was established. We were not in the position to spend $5000 on a hunting trip.
Well, I apologized to him and told him that it just wasn't good timing. I felt terrible about it and I guess I just kept telling him how sorry I was.
There was so much more to the letter. Honestly, I cried daily for two weeks over this letter. It shook me so badly. And to hear so many horrible things that Jan had supposedly felt for me completely broke my heart. I adored Jan. I miss her more than I can say. Sometimes I see someone who looks like her and it makes me want to cry. She was so young and I wanted her to know her grandchildren. I pray that she knows that she has another beautiful granddaughter.
Ok, I'm sorry for such a long post. I haven't talked about this in almost four years. The letter from Connie sent me over the edge. It's what made me want to come back to Michigan. One last tidbit...Beth you'll love this....When all the shit was hitting the fan in Scott's family either Paul tracked down Connie or Connie tracked down Paul for a real big bitch session about me. Paul filled her in on all the financial woes we had, that I'd had to file bankruptcy, he told her I had a car repossessed....which wasn't true.
Paul told me that nobody wanted my sorry ass back in Michigan. They had a real slam fest. All of this was in the letter from Connie. Fucking assholes.
This hurt me more than I can describe. I don't know why it spilled out tonight...guess it was time. I'm just wondering if drudging up all these old bad feelings is going to make me feel worse or better?
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Fireworks, And Then Some....
I'm trying red tonight....I always write in pinkish, purplish, or blueish. Tonight, I'm breaking the mold!
Today was an eventful day. Well, it wasn't necessarily busy, but there has been alot going on today. My morning started as a normal morning. Coffee and breakfast for the kids. Laundry. Always laundry! Scott got up at 3am and went to work and he ended up working 10 hours today. Ok, he has pneumonia and he's worked over 60 hours this week...and he's working tomorrow. He won't have a day off until we leave for Montana on July 30th.
Anyhow, first thing this morning Jourdan said that her dad had called and wanted her to come over today. I guess Joann's family is having a reunion and there are people coming from Ohio. They have kids Jourdan's age and she hasn't seen them in a while. So, I can tell she wants to go to her dads and I'm brewing about it for a good couple of hours. I just don't want Jourdan to lose site of what her dad is up to.
So I started thinking about the whole situation. I felt bad for Jourdan because I know she wants to go and see the girls her age. So I told her that if she wanted to go that she needed to tell her dad that she did want to come over to go to the reunion but that she was still upset over what happened a couple of weeks ago. I also told her that if he had any conscience at all, he would apologize to her...finally. Well, Jason happened to hear me say that and he laughed out loud. He said that his dad would never apologize because he never thinks he's wrong.
So, when Paul did call her she told him what I told her to say. She told him that she meant what she said in the letter and that she was upset over how he's been treating her. So, he apologized for being selfish and losing his temper.
Between you and me, I don't believe a fucking word that comes out of his devil mouth. But for Jourdan's sake, she felt better and she wanted to see Joanns family. They really are nice people and she wanted to see them. I have to wonder how Paul fits in. Jason tells me they hate Paul and think that "he's a real asshole". So, there ya go!
After Jourdan hung up with Paul I told her that the reason I didn't want her to just give in and go to Pauls was that the way he's been treating her is not ok. I want Jourdan to realize that no man, her dad...brother...boyfriend...husband, no man has the right to be abusive to her. Paul is verbally and emotionally abusive and he always has been. I didn't want her to let him off the hook. I was proud of her for standing up for herself. I want her to be strong and I hope that I am teaching her that it's not ok to be treated that way.
I'm not happy that Jourdan went to Pauls. But I'm not happy because I'm being protective of Jourdan. So, it's more of an issue for me than it is for her. His apology meant alot to her and to me, I think he's full of shit.
Ok, I'm done with that for a while. Lowell is having their Riverwalk Festival so we went to fireworks tonight. They were actually really good this year. We were up north in St. Ignace last week and there were fireworks in every direction. Sami was scared to death and wouldn't stop crying. I was actually thinking about leaving her home tonight with Scott. Tina said she would have my dad bring his ear muff thingy's that you use when you are target practicing. Perfect!
Sami put those things on and she was happy as ever. She sat on my lap, with her ear muffs and under a Batman comforter and watched the fireworks with a big grin on her face. She totally loved them.
You know, that reminds me of something so cute. When Jourdan was younger she was terrified of thunder storms. She had these white ear muffs that I'd bought her for winter. They weren't the kind with the hard plastic headband thing, but they were connected with a soft headband that went all the way around the head and had the muffs right at the ears. We had just moved in with Scott at the end of winter and we'd had a really bad thunder storm. Scott got those white earmuffs out and told Jourdan that they were magic earmuffs. As long as she wore them, she couldn't hear the storm and she was safe from the scary thunder and lightning.
It worked like a charm and she used those magic earmuffs for probably five years. Maybe I'll have to find a magic pair of earmuffs for Sami. LOL.
So we had a really fun time tongiht. We went early and Kathie went with us, and the kids. My parents were there, Tina and Dani, Ann and Kris plus kids. And more. We had quite the little fireworks party happening. John was asleep before we even got back to our driveway...which took all of 3 minutes to get home. We got home and I made a nest for each of the kids on my bedroom floor and John was out cold. Sami is still wide awake and it's after midnight. WTF!
John had Scott put "Expedition Great White" on the DVR and they both fell asleep to that. Sami just requested "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". So, we're watching Christmas cartoons. Well, it is only 5 1/2 months away after all.
So, that was the excitement of my day. Scott is still sick....really sick. I know he wants overtime but I'm not sure why he's working tomorrow. Well, I shouldn't say that, they are so friggin busy at the shop. I think I already wrote yesterday that they shipped out over $3 million in business last month, their biggest month so far and while they are short by 40 machinists. Don't you think with this shitty Michigan economy it would be easier to find guys who want to work? I guess they are happier sitting on their ass collecting all the extended unemployment benefits that Obama keeps dishing out. Boy that really pisses me off. They are trying to get guys to come back to work, putting ads in the paper, and they are having a hard time finding guys. And they pay their guys really well. I just don't get it.
Ok, don't want to get started on that. I need to get Sami to sleep. I'm being Mrs. Niceguy by letting the kids have a sleepover in our room since it's the weekend, but she's not even laying down...she wandering around my room getting into shit. Little stinker!
Well, until tomorrow....
Today was an eventful day. Well, it wasn't necessarily busy, but there has been alot going on today. My morning started as a normal morning. Coffee and breakfast for the kids. Laundry. Always laundry! Scott got up at 3am and went to work and he ended up working 10 hours today. Ok, he has pneumonia and he's worked over 60 hours this week...and he's working tomorrow. He won't have a day off until we leave for Montana on July 30th.
Anyhow, first thing this morning Jourdan said that her dad had called and wanted her to come over today. I guess Joann's family is having a reunion and there are people coming from Ohio. They have kids Jourdan's age and she hasn't seen them in a while. So, I can tell she wants to go to her dads and I'm brewing about it for a good couple of hours. I just don't want Jourdan to lose site of what her dad is up to.
So I started thinking about the whole situation. I felt bad for Jourdan because I know she wants to go and see the girls her age. So I told her that if she wanted to go that she needed to tell her dad that she did want to come over to go to the reunion but that she was still upset over what happened a couple of weeks ago. I also told her that if he had any conscience at all, he would apologize to her...finally. Well, Jason happened to hear me say that and he laughed out loud. He said that his dad would never apologize because he never thinks he's wrong.
So, when Paul did call her she told him what I told her to say. She told him that she meant what she said in the letter and that she was upset over how he's been treating her. So, he apologized for being selfish and losing his temper.
Between you and me, I don't believe a fucking word that comes out of his devil mouth. But for Jourdan's sake, she felt better and she wanted to see Joanns family. They really are nice people and she wanted to see them. I have to wonder how Paul fits in. Jason tells me they hate Paul and think that "he's a real asshole". So, there ya go!
After Jourdan hung up with Paul I told her that the reason I didn't want her to just give in and go to Pauls was that the way he's been treating her is not ok. I want Jourdan to realize that no man, her dad...brother...boyfriend...husband, no man has the right to be abusive to her. Paul is verbally and emotionally abusive and he always has been. I didn't want her to let him off the hook. I was proud of her for standing up for herself. I want her to be strong and I hope that I am teaching her that it's not ok to be treated that way.
I'm not happy that Jourdan went to Pauls. But I'm not happy because I'm being protective of Jourdan. So, it's more of an issue for me than it is for her. His apology meant alot to her and to me, I think he's full of shit.
Ok, I'm done with that for a while. Lowell is having their Riverwalk Festival so we went to fireworks tonight. They were actually really good this year. We were up north in St. Ignace last week and there were fireworks in every direction. Sami was scared to death and wouldn't stop crying. I was actually thinking about leaving her home tonight with Scott. Tina said she would have my dad bring his ear muff thingy's that you use when you are target practicing. Perfect!
Sami put those things on and she was happy as ever. She sat on my lap, with her ear muffs and under a Batman comforter and watched the fireworks with a big grin on her face. She totally loved them.
You know, that reminds me of something so cute. When Jourdan was younger she was terrified of thunder storms. She had these white ear muffs that I'd bought her for winter. They weren't the kind with the hard plastic headband thing, but they were connected with a soft headband that went all the way around the head and had the muffs right at the ears. We had just moved in with Scott at the end of winter and we'd had a really bad thunder storm. Scott got those white earmuffs out and told Jourdan that they were magic earmuffs. As long as she wore them, she couldn't hear the storm and she was safe from the scary thunder and lightning.
It worked like a charm and she used those magic earmuffs for probably five years. Maybe I'll have to find a magic pair of earmuffs for Sami. LOL.
So we had a really fun time tongiht. We went early and Kathie went with us, and the kids. My parents were there, Tina and Dani, Ann and Kris plus kids. And more. We had quite the little fireworks party happening. John was asleep before we even got back to our driveway...which took all of 3 minutes to get home. We got home and I made a nest for each of the kids on my bedroom floor and John was out cold. Sami is still wide awake and it's after midnight. WTF!
John had Scott put "Expedition Great White" on the DVR and they both fell asleep to that. Sami just requested "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". So, we're watching Christmas cartoons. Well, it is only 5 1/2 months away after all.
So, that was the excitement of my day. Scott is still sick....really sick. I know he wants overtime but I'm not sure why he's working tomorrow. Well, I shouldn't say that, they are so friggin busy at the shop. I think I already wrote yesterday that they shipped out over $3 million in business last month, their biggest month so far and while they are short by 40 machinists. Don't you think with this shitty Michigan economy it would be easier to find guys who want to work? I guess they are happier sitting on their ass collecting all the extended unemployment benefits that Obama keeps dishing out. Boy that really pisses me off. They are trying to get guys to come back to work, putting ads in the paper, and they are having a hard time finding guys. And they pay their guys really well. I just don't get it.
Ok, don't want to get started on that. I need to get Sami to sleep. I'm being Mrs. Niceguy by letting the kids have a sleepover in our room since it's the weekend, but she's not even laying down...she wandering around my room getting into shit. Little stinker!
Well, until tomorrow....
Friday, July 9, 2010
Just A Random Day
Every night when I open up my blog page I think, "I should change the picture on my page". It's Jason at the Pink Arrow game and it's almost a year old now. I have this new computer and yesterday I finally transferred all of my photo's from the old computer. Now, I need to work on the video and my document files. I should do it fast because the kids have that computer now and who knows how long it'll last. They aren't allowed to touch my new one....PERIOD!
I was just reading on Facebook that 'Cougar Town' will have it's season premier in September, seems like the 22nd, but I'm not sure off the top of my head. Have you seen that show? I totally love it. I love Courtney Cox and they've managed to bring a little bit of Monica from Friends into the character of Jules. I have 19 episodes on my DVR and when I'm sleepy and there is nothing on, I'll randomly pick one to watch. I have to admit, my very favorite episode is the one where Andy get's a motorcycle.
Anyhow, Cougar Town is my absolute favorite show. What pisses me off is that they aren't running re-runs during the off season. I have most of the episodes on DVR, but not the first ones. Oh well. I'm just impatiently waiting for the new shows to start again.....and I wish they were an hour instead of 30 minutes.
Since we're on TV shows, I've completely lost my desire to watch Days of Our Lives. I love Days. But, usually about once a year I get so sick and tired of their storyline that I stop watching for a while. That's where I'm at right now. I still DVR it every day, but I haven't really watched any of it for about a week. It's so stupid.....like Nicole would really come back after stealing Sydney and walk right into the Brady Pub. Are you kidding me? Like I said, stupid.
OMG, Scott is snoring so loud. I am jerking on his pillow to get him to move his head but it's not working. He's been to the doctor and he's sick. On top of that, he hasn't had his allergy shot in a couple of weeks. He's supposed to go every two weeks. I just looked at my calendar and it's been over two weeks. I knew it. He's snoring too loud for it not to be longer than two weeks.
So I wrote last time about my shoulder being dislocated again. I went to see Dr. Thorp today and I was a mess. I'm not a big fan of going to the chiropractor, but when I am so miserable that I can't sleep it's time to go. And, as predicted, it hurt like hell when he put my shoulder back in. On top of that, my elbow was a little out as well. I almost cried when he put that back in.
The bad thing is that once things are out of whack for a while your muscles get used to it and then when your bones are back where they belong, the muscles and tendons, and ligaments try to pull them back out again. That's why my shoulder kept going out and it took me 3 months to get my shoulder back to normal. Now, I'm at square one again. It felt better earlier, but I did a bad thing and carried laundry up the basement steps. Now, my shoulder and arm are throbbing again.
Geez, enough of the whining already. I sound like one of those old ladies who call our office. They don't have anything to do and they don't have anyone to talk to so they feel the need to share every little detail of their life and medical history with the peron on the the other end of the phone. They bitch and complain and tell you their entire life history. That's me. I'm an old lady, at the age of 40, lol.
Well, that was the excitment of my day. Going to the chiropractor. I almost forgot. On the way over to Saranac I discovered they are doing road construction. Well, I got stuck for 15 mintutes waiting because Fulton is down to 1 lane for about 3 miles. I was sooo freakin mad. I could have turned around and took the back way over to Saranac but I was stuck. So, to get to a town that is about 6 or 7 miles east of here, it took me 30 minutes. You would think there would be a sign on the edge of town letting people know there is work being done in case they want to seak an alternate route.
Nope, that's the workings of the great Michigan Department of Transportation at work. GREAT JOB MDOT!!! Assholes!
Sorry, there I go again. I guess we just have one of those days that there wasn't a whole lot of anything going on. Just random thoughts of a boring day.
I was just reading on Facebook that 'Cougar Town' will have it's season premier in September, seems like the 22nd, but I'm not sure off the top of my head. Have you seen that show? I totally love it. I love Courtney Cox and they've managed to bring a little bit of Monica from Friends into the character of Jules. I have 19 episodes on my DVR and when I'm sleepy and there is nothing on, I'll randomly pick one to watch. I have to admit, my very favorite episode is the one where Andy get's a motorcycle.
Anyhow, Cougar Town is my absolute favorite show. What pisses me off is that they aren't running re-runs during the off season. I have most of the episodes on DVR, but not the first ones. Oh well. I'm just impatiently waiting for the new shows to start again.....and I wish they were an hour instead of 30 minutes.
Since we're on TV shows, I've completely lost my desire to watch Days of Our Lives. I love Days. But, usually about once a year I get so sick and tired of their storyline that I stop watching for a while. That's where I'm at right now. I still DVR it every day, but I haven't really watched any of it for about a week. It's so stupid.....like Nicole would really come back after stealing Sydney and walk right into the Brady Pub. Are you kidding me? Like I said, stupid.
OMG, Scott is snoring so loud. I am jerking on his pillow to get him to move his head but it's not working. He's been to the doctor and he's sick. On top of that, he hasn't had his allergy shot in a couple of weeks. He's supposed to go every two weeks. I just looked at my calendar and it's been over two weeks. I knew it. He's snoring too loud for it not to be longer than two weeks.
So I wrote last time about my shoulder being dislocated again. I went to see Dr. Thorp today and I was a mess. I'm not a big fan of going to the chiropractor, but when I am so miserable that I can't sleep it's time to go. And, as predicted, it hurt like hell when he put my shoulder back in. On top of that, my elbow was a little out as well. I almost cried when he put that back in.
The bad thing is that once things are out of whack for a while your muscles get used to it and then when your bones are back where they belong, the muscles and tendons, and ligaments try to pull them back out again. That's why my shoulder kept going out and it took me 3 months to get my shoulder back to normal. Now, I'm at square one again. It felt better earlier, but I did a bad thing and carried laundry up the basement steps. Now, my shoulder and arm are throbbing again.
Geez, enough of the whining already. I sound like one of those old ladies who call our office. They don't have anything to do and they don't have anyone to talk to so they feel the need to share every little detail of their life and medical history with the peron on the the other end of the phone. They bitch and complain and tell you their entire life history. That's me. I'm an old lady, at the age of 40, lol.
Well, that was the excitment of my day. Going to the chiropractor. I almost forgot. On the way over to Saranac I discovered they are doing road construction. Well, I got stuck for 15 mintutes waiting because Fulton is down to 1 lane for about 3 miles. I was sooo freakin mad. I could have turned around and took the back way over to Saranac but I was stuck. So, to get to a town that is about 6 or 7 miles east of here, it took me 30 minutes. You would think there would be a sign on the edge of town letting people know there is work being done in case they want to seak an alternate route.
Nope, that's the workings of the great Michigan Department of Transportation at work. GREAT JOB MDOT!!! Assholes!
Sorry, there I go again. I guess we just have one of those days that there wasn't a whole lot of anything going on. Just random thoughts of a boring day.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Off My Mark - It's Thursday not Wednesday Dummy
I think about my blog every single day. I just get so tired sometimes that I don't have the energy to get online and type. Tonight is one of those nights, but here I am. It's nearly 11:30pm but here I am. I worked 9 1/2 hours today, came home and went grocery shopping, got dinner, put away my groceries, cleaned my kitchen and made beds....here I am.
I have to laugh because I'll feel guilty asking Scott to do something for me because he's worked 10 or 11 hours that day. Yet, my dad usually starts around 7am and there are many many nights that I am still running up and down the steps doing laundry at 10pm. That's a pretty long day.
Remember about 6 months ago I dislocated my shoulder? Oh I was miserable, so so miserable. For several months I was miserable. With the help of my chiropractor I finally started to feel better and finally got my shoulder to stay "in". It's still touchy, but it was in and it was feeling better. Well, I did a stupid thing. Last week, I have no idea what day, I slept wrong on my right side and I put my shoulder out again. So I have been walking around for over a week with a dislocated shoulder, miserable as hell! Thank goodness I have an appt with my chiropractor tomorrow.
The worst of it is, it hurts like fucking hell when he puts my shoulder back in. I should probably be medicated when I go. Seriously, it hurt so bad when he put it back in, and then he had to do it over and over for about 3 months while it heeled and got stronger. That's what I'm in for tomorrow morning.
Oh, I almost forgot. Paul finally called Jourdan last night. It's been nearly 3 weeks since he spoke to her. However, he did NOT apologize, he called to ask if she was going to a family reunion for her step-mom's side of the family. She said no. I happened to be standing there when he called and I told her very quietly that she had to be careful because he would think he won. Well, he did ask her about her trip...from the beginning of June....and then the reunion. He never mentioned the letter and he never apologized. So, I told Jourdan to blow him off. Fuck him if he can't apologize to his daughter for treating her like crap!
Boy, that just get's my blood pressure up., I'll talk about something nicer. We went up north last weekend. Beth had a whole post on the fourth of July, but I can't remember if I wrote much about it or not. Well, as you know, we were in St. Ignace. The weather was HOT and humid. We bummed around and it was so nice, we had the pool to ourselves in the afternoon. It was between the check in and check out time. So, the five of us had a friggin huge pool and hot tub to ourselves. Was lovely!
We went to the city park and sat on the beach and waited for the fireworks. There were some kids next to us lighting off some little fireworks and it was freaking Sami out. She was on my lap, under a blanket, and my two hands were covering her ears. She acrtually fell asleep. It was so cute.
Of course, they waiting forever to start the fireworks and once the first couple were sent up, it started to sprinkle. Then it started to rain. So, not only did Beth get rain....we did here in Michigan too.
I'm sorry, I have a ton to say but I'm so damn tired! I have tomorrow off....yay! I'll be able to write more then. Night.
I have to laugh because I'll feel guilty asking Scott to do something for me because he's worked 10 or 11 hours that day. Yet, my dad usually starts around 7am and there are many many nights that I am still running up and down the steps doing laundry at 10pm. That's a pretty long day.
Remember about 6 months ago I dislocated my shoulder? Oh I was miserable, so so miserable. For several months I was miserable. With the help of my chiropractor I finally started to feel better and finally got my shoulder to stay "in". It's still touchy, but it was in and it was feeling better. Well, I did a stupid thing. Last week, I have no idea what day, I slept wrong on my right side and I put my shoulder out again. So I have been walking around for over a week with a dislocated shoulder, miserable as hell! Thank goodness I have an appt with my chiropractor tomorrow.
The worst of it is, it hurts like fucking hell when he puts my shoulder back in. I should probably be medicated when I go. Seriously, it hurt so bad when he put it back in, and then he had to do it over and over for about 3 months while it heeled and got stronger. That's what I'm in for tomorrow morning.
Oh, I almost forgot. Paul finally called Jourdan last night. It's been nearly 3 weeks since he spoke to her. However, he did NOT apologize, he called to ask if she was going to a family reunion for her step-mom's side of the family. She said no. I happened to be standing there when he called and I told her very quietly that she had to be careful because he would think he won. Well, he did ask her about her trip...from the beginning of June....and then the reunion. He never mentioned the letter and he never apologized. So, I told Jourdan to blow him off. Fuck him if he can't apologize to his daughter for treating her like crap!
Boy, that just get's my blood pressure up., I'll talk about something nicer. We went up north last weekend. Beth had a whole post on the fourth of July, but I can't remember if I wrote much about it or not. Well, as you know, we were in St. Ignace. The weather was HOT and humid. We bummed around and it was so nice, we had the pool to ourselves in the afternoon. It was between the check in and check out time. So, the five of us had a friggin huge pool and hot tub to ourselves. Was lovely!
We went to the city park and sat on the beach and waited for the fireworks. There were some kids next to us lighting off some little fireworks and it was freaking Sami out. She was on my lap, under a blanket, and my two hands were covering her ears. She acrtually fell asleep. It was so cute.
Of course, they waiting forever to start the fireworks and once the first couple were sent up, it started to sprinkle. Then it started to rain. So, not only did Beth get rain....we did here in Michigan too.
I'm sorry, I have a ton to say but I'm so damn tired! I have tomorrow off....yay! I'll be able to write more then. Night.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
My Goals, Realistic or Not
I am totally exhausted and it's not even 10pm. I'm ready for sleep and the kids are wide awake and playing on the computer on the floor in my room. Whatever happened to bedtime? I can tell you what happened. The kids are home with Jourdan during the day, she gets them to take a nap. They stay up until 10 or 11pm because they have slept 3 or 4 hours in the midle of the day. It's exhausting.
Well, it was back to work today. There is some major tension at work. I know, I know, it's a typical small office environment. I was there on thur and fri but I guess all hell was breaking loose. What pissed me off themost is that Jason was on call in and that means at lest an hour of EPR work. Jenny and Chris were being such fucking assholes, they sent Jason hom right after he got there.
I don't get it. When you are on call in at the shop, they keep you there in case a pick up job comes in. They give you odds and ends work for an hour or two. Instead of that, they just sent him home because Chris Jenny had a meltdown. Fuck them. I gave Jenny a hard time, seriously. Really pissed me off to no end.
I dont' know what's going to happen. Just when I think I want to stay at their office something like this happens. I wish Jason would look for a different job and then I wouldn't feel so bad about leaving. I've had two really great job offers in the last 3 weeks for law firms that I've turned down because I felt like I didn't want to leave TMAT. Now I'm having second thoughts.
This isn't really what I wanted to talk about tonight.
I wanted to talk about our trip up north. We had a great time, we visited Indian Village, Castle Rock, the Lighthouse Tower, and all kinds of cool things. The kids had a really great time. They swam in the pool and the hot tub and it was great. There were times that we had the pool and the hottub to ourselves. They had a great, huge pool and a hot tub that was as big as our livingroom. The kids had so much fun, and so did we.
So we did all the usual up-north stuff. I got some great photo's of the bridge. The only thing we didn't do, and it disappoints me, we didn't go down to the lake and watch the bridge light up. I think that's the first time we've ever missed that. I'm a little disappointed in that.
I wanted to make a note that Paul has still not contacted Jourdan. I think that at this point, he's just sitting there waiting for Jourdan to call him and kiss his ass. I know that if she calls him first, it's going to be a victory for him. It really pisses me off. How can a parent not call their child, knowing how that child feels about him? I just don't get it.
I know I can't change the way he feels. I know that I have no control over it. I also know that I have to help Jourdan get through a really tough time. She wrote in her letter that if he wanted to be a part of her life, he needed to stop treating her like shit. Treat her the way he wanted to be treated. The same would go for her kids. She didn't want anything to do with him unless he started treating her decent. She also told him it wasn't ok for him to cuss at her and hang up the phone on her.
Well, he definitely owes her an apology! Yet, the phone doesn't ring. All he had to say wsa that she never better call him for anymore money. Why does it come down to money? Selfish son of a bitch~!
Enough of that! I dont' really want to talk about Paul tonight. I have too many other things going on inside of me right now. It's no wonder I need therapy. I should probably go about 2 or 3 times a week. My hour goes by so damn fast it's terrible. I have so much to work on inside myslef and I'm trying. The kids and Scott are not making it easy for me.
My goal is to get rid of the emotional stress eating. It's also my goal to stop having my anxiety attacks. Those are the worst. I've started having them as I'm waking up. Whats up with that? I'm dreaming aobut some bad shit, an it's causing me to have anxiety attacks when I am waking up. I want to get that under control.
Whoa....had to delete some stuff, I was starting to get a little out Sorry I got off topic, more later.
Well, it was back to work today. There is some major tension at work. I know, I know, it's a typical small office environment. I was there on thur and fri but I guess all hell was breaking loose. What pissed me off themost is that Jason was on call in and that means at lest an hour of EPR work. Jenny and Chris were being such fucking assholes, they sent Jason hom right after he got there.
I don't get it. When you are on call in at the shop, they keep you there in case a pick up job comes in. They give you odds and ends work for an hour or two. Instead of that, they just sent him home because Chris Jenny had a meltdown. Fuck them. I gave Jenny a hard time, seriously. Really pissed me off to no end.
I dont' know what's going to happen. Just when I think I want to stay at their office something like this happens. I wish Jason would look for a different job and then I wouldn't feel so bad about leaving. I've had two really great job offers in the last 3 weeks for law firms that I've turned down because I felt like I didn't want to leave TMAT. Now I'm having second thoughts.
This isn't really what I wanted to talk about tonight.
I wanted to talk about our trip up north. We had a great time, we visited Indian Village, Castle Rock, the Lighthouse Tower, and all kinds of cool things. The kids had a really great time. They swam in the pool and the hot tub and it was great. There were times that we had the pool and the hottub to ourselves. They had a great, huge pool and a hot tub that was as big as our livingroom. The kids had so much fun, and so did we.
So we did all the usual up-north stuff. I got some great photo's of the bridge. The only thing we didn't do, and it disappoints me, we didn't go down to the lake and watch the bridge light up. I think that's the first time we've ever missed that. I'm a little disappointed in that.
I wanted to make a note that Paul has still not contacted Jourdan. I think that at this point, he's just sitting there waiting for Jourdan to call him and kiss his ass. I know that if she calls him first, it's going to be a victory for him. It really pisses me off. How can a parent not call their child, knowing how that child feels about him? I just don't get it.
I know I can't change the way he feels. I know that I have no control over it. I also know that I have to help Jourdan get through a really tough time. She wrote in her letter that if he wanted to be a part of her life, he needed to stop treating her like shit. Treat her the way he wanted to be treated. The same would go for her kids. She didn't want anything to do with him unless he started treating her decent. She also told him it wasn't ok for him to cuss at her and hang up the phone on her.
Well, he definitely owes her an apology! Yet, the phone doesn't ring. All he had to say wsa that she never better call him for anymore money. Why does it come down to money? Selfish son of a bitch~!
Enough of that! I dont' really want to talk about Paul tonight. I have too many other things going on inside of me right now. It's no wonder I need therapy. I should probably go about 2 or 3 times a week. My hour goes by so damn fast it's terrible. I have so much to work on inside myslef and I'm trying. The kids and Scott are not making it easy for me.
My goal is to get rid of the emotional stress eating. It's also my goal to stop having my anxiety attacks. Those are the worst. I've started having them as I'm waking up. Whats up with that? I'm dreaming aobut some bad shit, an it's causing me to have anxiety attacks when I am waking up. I want to get that under control.
Whoa....had to delete some stuff, I was starting to get a little out Sorry I got off topic, more later.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Too Much To Say
The last time I wrote, I said I was feeling better. I was done bitching. I still feel that way, which is great. We've had a couple of the most beautiful days, weather wise, in a really long time. I had to take the Excursion to the gas station to fill it for our trip tomorrow and run into Meijer for a few things and I realized that the sky was pure blue. I don't even remember the last time that I looked into the sky and saw a pure blue sky. There was not one single cloud in site and it was beautiful. It hasn't been too hot either, so we've had all the windows open and the central air turned off.
It's so funny because many nights I have a hard time deciding what to write about, and tonight I have several things on my mind. The positive first I guess. I don't know if it was just in the nice weather, or what....but yesterday I just felt so good (mentally). I love days where the sun is shining and there is no humidity and the temp is about 72 degrees. Well, that was yesterday.
I woke up and the sun was shining. I had my coffee sitting at the table with my windows open and a fresh cool breeze blowing through the house. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made the kids lunch...normal mom stuff. I've been back to work for two years now and all of the sudden it hit me how much I miss it.
About a year after we had John, we had decided to sell our business and move to Ohio to be with Scott's mom. Once we did sell the store, I was a stay at home mom for the next 2 or so years. I loved being home and I went back to work stricly out of necessity. I don't let myself think about it very often because it upsets me. But out of the blue yesterday I realized how much I miss being home and being a full-time mom.
Now, I know that when Beth reads this she will probably laugh because she's been writing about being home and wondering just how many times can you clean the house? Maybe I'm feeling this way because I've been working for the last couple of years and I have a little one at home yet. I'm not sure. I'm just so damn busy during the week.
Scott will ask me if I've called this person or that person, or if I've done this or done that. I have to remind him that I can't really get to much until Thursday...my day off. Thursday and Friday are the two days that I do the nitty-gritty house cleaning and I catch up on laundry. I do the grocery shopping, pay bills, make phone calls, and do whatever else needs to be done around here.
Maybe the kids being home on summer break is making me want to be here. I honestly can't say I would feel the same in the winter time. It's so damn cold and snowy in Michigan during the winter. Not like I'd want to wrap the kids up and haul them out into the snowy cold weather. Anyhow, the last couple of days I've really missed being home. I even told Scott about it last night and about my temptation to sell our camper and my Excursion, buy another Ford Focus and quit my job. He said that he's making enough again for me to stay home, but I pay the bills. If we want ANYTHING extra, I have to work.
Back to my day today....Jourdan, John, Sami, and I went out and about to fill the truck with diesel...to the tune of $115.01. Yes, I said $115.01! Is that insane or what? I have a 44 gallon tank on the truck and it was on a 1/4 of a tank and it still cost that much to fill it. Makes me sick....see why it crossed my mind to sell it? Anyhow, we filled up, went to Meijer and then came home to vac out my truck and the Focus. Scott drove the Trans Am today so I figured it was a good day to get them both clean. Then Jourdan, bless her heart, washed both vehicles! YAY Jourdan.
I've been wanting to clean out both of them for weeks but it's been so frickin hot. Today, not so much. So that's what we did. Plus, I wanted the Focus to be clean for our trip in a few weeks. Who knows if I'll have time to get to it later.
Well, that was my first thing I wanted to talk about. My sudden urge to stay home with my kids. I told Scott last night that he should just win the lotto and then I wouldn't feel bad about staying home, lol. Hard to win when you don't play. I don't like to waste my money on it when I know there is no way in hell we'd ever win. I'm too cheap to piss away my money on it.
NEXT TOPIC:
While Beth is having some positive things happening with her ex, Paul....I am not having anything positive happening with my ex, Paul. Ironic, isn't it????
Remember a couple weeks ago I was talking about Jourdan and the 8th grade dance? I'm almost positive I wrote about it. Well, I had bought her dress way back in the winter at Sears and I had told her that I'd buy her the nylons, bra, and jewelry but she needed to ask her dad to buy her black shoes. We figured they would run $20-$30. Well, when it came down to it, be backed out on buying her the shoes. We were only a few days from the dance and he'd been up north for two weeks and told her that was the reason he couldn't give her money for shoes.
Excuse me? WTF! For as long as I can remember Jourdan has been going to a Daddy - Daughter dance with Paul down in Ohio. (Paul's wife has family there.) Each year they go down to Ohio and go to this dance. Do you want to know who buys her the dress, shoes, and the necessities that she wore to all these dances? ME! Seriously. If it had been up to Paul, there wouldn't have been a new dress each year for these dances or anything else. So, each year I would buy her a dress and shoes to wear to these dances. Not for Pauls sake, but for Jourdan.
So, it came down to Jourdan's shoes for the 8th grade dance and Paul and Jourdan got into a HUGE fight on the phone. He yelled and swore at her, then hung up on her. Are you kidding me! This is how an adult treats his child? Especially a very sensitive 14 year old girl. He's such a fuck-head! Anyhow, I bought her the shoes to go with her dress. She'd cried and cried but I told her that there is always someone she can count on. Me, and Scott!
After the altercation on the phone, Jourdan wrote Paul a letter. Remember me talking about this? It was a brutal letter. I should say it was brutally honest. She really told him how it was....how she felt and how he'd hurt her. She had also told him that he should treat others the way he wants to be treated and that if he wanted to be a part of her life, he needed to treat her better.
First off all, if you got a letter like that from your child, wouldn't you run to a phone as fast as you could to work it out with your daughter? Wouldn't you call her up and say that you'd gotten the letter and can we go have something to eat and talk it over? Or even just pick her up and take her for a drive to talk about her feelings. Well, not if you are Paul.
He'd called her 3 days before she left on her East Coast trip to tell her to have a good time. It was about a 30 second conversation and when Jourdan didn't say much, all he said was that he didn't "know where they'd gone wrong". Hey Paul, you didn't know where you went wrong? Why don't you give ME a call and I'll tell you exactly where you went wrong you fucking piece of shit!
The last conversation Jourdan had with her dad was him calling to see if she was coming over for the weekend. It was the weekend of Jason's open house at Pauls. Jourdan had been invited to a slumber party, she'd talked to Jason about it and it was all ok. Jason's not stupid, he knows that Paul is mistreating her and he also knows that she didn't want to see Paul. Well, the whole thing threw Paul into another temper tantrum and like a 2 year old he threw a fit. He screamed at Jourdan, more swear words, and then hung up on her....AGAIN!
Of course, Jourdan was crying because Paul is screaming at her not to ever ask him for money, ever again. What the hell does this have to do with money? It's about the way that he treats his children. Even Jason rarely goes over there.
The point I'm getting at with all of this is that Paul still hasn't called to talk to Jourdan. He hasn't spoken to her in 2 1/2 weeks. How the hell can you live with yourself Paul? She is your daughter. The thing with Paul is if a situation doesn't benefit Paul in some way, or if it's not completely about him....he's just not interested. He's one of the most selfish people I know.
In the 8 years that I was married to him, he dished out alot of abuse. Now, he's verbally and mentally abusing Jourdan. He is the biggest hypocrite. He claims to be this great faithful Christian. He goes to Church every week. Gee Paul, do you know what "hypocrite" mean? It's funny because I remember Jason calling him one when he was about 10 years old. Even Jason knows what it means, but a 45 year old man does not. Well, he'd have to admit that he wasn't perfect.
If Jourdan had written me a letter with even a tiny bit of the resentment that she'd written to Paul, I would have been calling her and taking care of it...NOW! Not only that, but I would have apologized for hurting her feelings. Parent's can have respect for children too. It goes both ways. If you do something hurtful to your child, or any other human being, be an adult and apologize for your mistake. Just because Jourdan is not an adult doesn't mean that she shouldn't be apologized to.
I've gotten myself stirred up here. I know that I've repeated alot of my story here, but you need to have the whole thing written in one place. When Paul did call Jourdan to talk to her before her trip, he should have at least apologized for haning up on her. He did it twice in one week. I was raised that you don't ever hang up on someone. You can quickly say, "bye" and hangup...but don't do the cold hang up. It's rude. I'm sure Paul felt he didn't have anything to apologize for. It hurt Jourdan that he didn't even want to talk to her about the letter she sent him.
I talked to my therapist about this. I told her how Jourdan had sent her dad a letter and she said, "good for her". Well, I agree. It was good for Jourdan to put up some boundaries and to stick up for herself. It shows that she is strong and has courage. I didn't have that at her age, and I admire that about her.
Jourdan knows that she has Scott and I to support her. She's always had a very close relationship with Scott. She was only 4 when we met him so they've been very tight since the beginning. When I look back, I can see just how lucky I was to find Scott. He was a single guy with no kids and I was a divorced mom with two kids. I wish he and Jason were closer, but he does have a bond with Jourdan. And something I've always admired about Scott is that he worries about the kids, just like a dad does. Over the years when they've needed something, he'll work overtime to make sure we have the extra money for it. School clothes, shoes, football expenses, etc.
Even this trip that Jourdan just took. It was $1000 for this trip. We had earned some in fundraisers, but the bulk of it was paid for by Scott. He didn't even bitch when I had to take money out of the safe to get her some clothes for the trip. She doesn't ask for much, and she needed some new summer clothes desperately. All her stuff looked pretty crappy. Then, he sent me with money to put on the debit card for spending money.
He's a good dad to the kids. Neither one of us is perfect, but we try. And we care. I think it would break Scott's heart to get a letter like the one Jourdan sent to Paul. But it would never happen because Scott doesn't put himself first. He's a real dad.
It's so funny because many nights I have a hard time deciding what to write about, and tonight I have several things on my mind. The positive first I guess. I don't know if it was just in the nice weather, or what....but yesterday I just felt so good (mentally). I love days where the sun is shining and there is no humidity and the temp is about 72 degrees. Well, that was yesterday.
I woke up and the sun was shining. I had my coffee sitting at the table with my windows open and a fresh cool breeze blowing through the house. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made the kids lunch...normal mom stuff. I've been back to work for two years now and all of the sudden it hit me how much I miss it.
About a year after we had John, we had decided to sell our business and move to Ohio to be with Scott's mom. Once we did sell the store, I was a stay at home mom for the next 2 or so years. I loved being home and I went back to work stricly out of necessity. I don't let myself think about it very often because it upsets me. But out of the blue yesterday I realized how much I miss being home and being a full-time mom.
Now, I know that when Beth reads this she will probably laugh because she's been writing about being home and wondering just how many times can you clean the house? Maybe I'm feeling this way because I've been working for the last couple of years and I have a little one at home yet. I'm not sure. I'm just so damn busy during the week.
Scott will ask me if I've called this person or that person, or if I've done this or done that. I have to remind him that I can't really get to much until Thursday...my day off. Thursday and Friday are the two days that I do the nitty-gritty house cleaning and I catch up on laundry. I do the grocery shopping, pay bills, make phone calls, and do whatever else needs to be done around here.
Maybe the kids being home on summer break is making me want to be here. I honestly can't say I would feel the same in the winter time. It's so damn cold and snowy in Michigan during the winter. Not like I'd want to wrap the kids up and haul them out into the snowy cold weather. Anyhow, the last couple of days I've really missed being home. I even told Scott about it last night and about my temptation to sell our camper and my Excursion, buy another Ford Focus and quit my job. He said that he's making enough again for me to stay home, but I pay the bills. If we want ANYTHING extra, I have to work.
Back to my day today....Jourdan, John, Sami, and I went out and about to fill the truck with diesel...to the tune of $115.01. Yes, I said $115.01! Is that insane or what? I have a 44 gallon tank on the truck and it was on a 1/4 of a tank and it still cost that much to fill it. Makes me sick....see why it crossed my mind to sell it? Anyhow, we filled up, went to Meijer and then came home to vac out my truck and the Focus. Scott drove the Trans Am today so I figured it was a good day to get them both clean. Then Jourdan, bless her heart, washed both vehicles! YAY Jourdan.
I've been wanting to clean out both of them for weeks but it's been so frickin hot. Today, not so much. So that's what we did. Plus, I wanted the Focus to be clean for our trip in a few weeks. Who knows if I'll have time to get to it later.
Well, that was my first thing I wanted to talk about. My sudden urge to stay home with my kids. I told Scott last night that he should just win the lotto and then I wouldn't feel bad about staying home, lol. Hard to win when you don't play. I don't like to waste my money on it when I know there is no way in hell we'd ever win. I'm too cheap to piss away my money on it.
NEXT TOPIC:
While Beth is having some positive things happening with her ex, Paul....I am not having anything positive happening with my ex, Paul. Ironic, isn't it????
Remember a couple weeks ago I was talking about Jourdan and the 8th grade dance? I'm almost positive I wrote about it. Well, I had bought her dress way back in the winter at Sears and I had told her that I'd buy her the nylons, bra, and jewelry but she needed to ask her dad to buy her black shoes. We figured they would run $20-$30. Well, when it came down to it, be backed out on buying her the shoes. We were only a few days from the dance and he'd been up north for two weeks and told her that was the reason he couldn't give her money for shoes.
Excuse me? WTF! For as long as I can remember Jourdan has been going to a Daddy - Daughter dance with Paul down in Ohio. (Paul's wife has family there.) Each year they go down to Ohio and go to this dance. Do you want to know who buys her the dress, shoes, and the necessities that she wore to all these dances? ME! Seriously. If it had been up to Paul, there wouldn't have been a new dress each year for these dances or anything else. So, each year I would buy her a dress and shoes to wear to these dances. Not for Pauls sake, but for Jourdan.
So, it came down to Jourdan's shoes for the 8th grade dance and Paul and Jourdan got into a HUGE fight on the phone. He yelled and swore at her, then hung up on her. Are you kidding me! This is how an adult treats his child? Especially a very sensitive 14 year old girl. He's such a fuck-head! Anyhow, I bought her the shoes to go with her dress. She'd cried and cried but I told her that there is always someone she can count on. Me, and Scott!
After the altercation on the phone, Jourdan wrote Paul a letter. Remember me talking about this? It was a brutal letter. I should say it was brutally honest. She really told him how it was....how she felt and how he'd hurt her. She had also told him that he should treat others the way he wants to be treated and that if he wanted to be a part of her life, he needed to treat her better.
First off all, if you got a letter like that from your child, wouldn't you run to a phone as fast as you could to work it out with your daughter? Wouldn't you call her up and say that you'd gotten the letter and can we go have something to eat and talk it over? Or even just pick her up and take her for a drive to talk about her feelings. Well, not if you are Paul.
He'd called her 3 days before she left on her East Coast trip to tell her to have a good time. It was about a 30 second conversation and when Jourdan didn't say much, all he said was that he didn't "know where they'd gone wrong". Hey Paul, you didn't know where you went wrong? Why don't you give ME a call and I'll tell you exactly where you went wrong you fucking piece of shit!
The last conversation Jourdan had with her dad was him calling to see if she was coming over for the weekend. It was the weekend of Jason's open house at Pauls. Jourdan had been invited to a slumber party, she'd talked to Jason about it and it was all ok. Jason's not stupid, he knows that Paul is mistreating her and he also knows that she didn't want to see Paul. Well, the whole thing threw Paul into another temper tantrum and like a 2 year old he threw a fit. He screamed at Jourdan, more swear words, and then hung up on her....AGAIN!
Of course, Jourdan was crying because Paul is screaming at her not to ever ask him for money, ever again. What the hell does this have to do with money? It's about the way that he treats his children. Even Jason rarely goes over there.
The point I'm getting at with all of this is that Paul still hasn't called to talk to Jourdan. He hasn't spoken to her in 2 1/2 weeks. How the hell can you live with yourself Paul? She is your daughter. The thing with Paul is if a situation doesn't benefit Paul in some way, or if it's not completely about him....he's just not interested. He's one of the most selfish people I know.
In the 8 years that I was married to him, he dished out alot of abuse. Now, he's verbally and mentally abusing Jourdan. He is the biggest hypocrite. He claims to be this great faithful Christian. He goes to Church every week. Gee Paul, do you know what "hypocrite" mean? It's funny because I remember Jason calling him one when he was about 10 years old. Even Jason knows what it means, but a 45 year old man does not. Well, he'd have to admit that he wasn't perfect.
If Jourdan had written me a letter with even a tiny bit of the resentment that she'd written to Paul, I would have been calling her and taking care of it...NOW! Not only that, but I would have apologized for hurting her feelings. Parent's can have respect for children too. It goes both ways. If you do something hurtful to your child, or any other human being, be an adult and apologize for your mistake. Just because Jourdan is not an adult doesn't mean that she shouldn't be apologized to.
I've gotten myself stirred up here. I know that I've repeated alot of my story here, but you need to have the whole thing written in one place. When Paul did call Jourdan to talk to her before her trip, he should have at least apologized for haning up on her. He did it twice in one week. I was raised that you don't ever hang up on someone. You can quickly say, "bye" and hangup...but don't do the cold hang up. It's rude. I'm sure Paul felt he didn't have anything to apologize for. It hurt Jourdan that he didn't even want to talk to her about the letter she sent him.
I talked to my therapist about this. I told her how Jourdan had sent her dad a letter and she said, "good for her". Well, I agree. It was good for Jourdan to put up some boundaries and to stick up for herself. It shows that she is strong and has courage. I didn't have that at her age, and I admire that about her.
Jourdan knows that she has Scott and I to support her. She's always had a very close relationship with Scott. She was only 4 when we met him so they've been very tight since the beginning. When I look back, I can see just how lucky I was to find Scott. He was a single guy with no kids and I was a divorced mom with two kids. I wish he and Jason were closer, but he does have a bond with Jourdan. And something I've always admired about Scott is that he worries about the kids, just like a dad does. Over the years when they've needed something, he'll work overtime to make sure we have the extra money for it. School clothes, shoes, football expenses, etc.
Even this trip that Jourdan just took. It was $1000 for this trip. We had earned some in fundraisers, but the bulk of it was paid for by Scott. He didn't even bitch when I had to take money out of the safe to get her some clothes for the trip. She doesn't ask for much, and she needed some new summer clothes desperately. All her stuff looked pretty crappy. Then, he sent me with money to put on the debit card for spending money.
He's a good dad to the kids. Neither one of us is perfect, but we try. And we care. I think it would break Scott's heart to get a letter like the one Jourdan sent to Paul. But it would never happen because Scott doesn't put himself first. He's a real dad.
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