A Pretty Great Week

I know I haven't been really dependable when it comes to writing on my blog.  Believe me, I would LOVE to write every single day.  It honestly does help me because it's like a journey.  A journey to getting some feelings out there that are bothering me, and sometimes it's in sharing good news.

Alot of changes have been happening the last few weeks for me.  I'd gotten a second job.  Seriously, I had prayed alot about this because I was beginning to feel that TMAT was not the right place for me.  For reasons I don't really want to get into here, I was beginning to feel like I needed to move on to another job.

Don't get me wrong, from a customer service standpoint, you can't find a company that strives to exceed the expectations of each of our customers.  Our movers and management staff bend over backwards to make sure our customers are happy.

With that said, there were a few things happening within the office that were causing me a great deal of stress.  I was having daily tension headaches and some pretty severe anxiety attacks.  So, I was looking for a new job....you all know that.  I didn't want to take meds and I ended up with some therapy.

I was having some seriously bad few months.  It was like I needed to make a decision on what to do about work, and about wanting to lose weight, and about trying to get my head together and stop these anxiety attacks from popping up at any given time.  If you've ever had one, you'll know how scary they can be.  I had started waking up in the middle of the night having anxiety attacks.

Well, my friend Beth talks alot about signs from the Universe.   Remember me saying that I am not  intuitive enough to see these "signs"?  Well duh!  Wouldn't anxiety attacks and tension headaches be a sign.  I'm sure there are other things if I really analyzed it...however...I've been working two jobs for over a month and I don't have time to even do housework and laundry.  When am I going to be able to spend any time looking for "signs".  Right?

Well, that was just stupid.  I've actually not been to therapy for two weeks and won't go back until next week.  So, I've had to do this on my own.  I tried to look at the pro's and cons of each of my jobs and determine my level of stress for each.  And then I tried to determine how much control I might have over the issues that were creating the stress.

With me so far?

I know, you're probably thinking I'm just whining and you're sick of hearing about it.  I think I have some valid reasons for feeling particularly yucky inside.

Jason graduated from high school and started attending Grand Rapids Community College.  Well, just into his first term there he's decided to switch to a private college.  He applied, recieved alot of scholarship money because of his good grades in high school, and will be starting at Aquinas in January for the second term of the 2010/2011 school year.  Know what that means for me?  He'll be living on campus in a dorm, with his friend.  Do you know how much that freaks me out?  Jason is a very mature young man and in a week he will be 18.  I know he's ready to go out on his own and start taking care of himself.

But, I'm scared.  We've talked about this before.  Right now, I always know where he is and every night he is tucked into his own bed downstairs by midnight.  Not knowing that he is safe will be the worst.  I don't want to drive him crazy once he's moved out, but the bottom line is....I'm going to miss him like crazy.

Jason and I have these great mom/son talks.  We'll sit for hours just talking about work, or about school, and many other things.  When he's not being a cranky teenager, we really enjoy spending time talking to each other.  Alot of times, he will call me when he gets out of work and we'll talk on the phone until he gets home.  I know, I always bitch at him and tell him not to talk on the phone....but sometimes, it's late and he's had a really bad day, and he says that talking to me on his way home helps him calm down and cheer up.

I love my son, and I want him to succeed.  I just never dreamed that the time would go by so damn fast.  One minute they are 10 years old and the next they are moving into a dorm at college.  I'm going to miss him so much, I can't even begin to describe the heartache I feel over him moving out.  But, I'm not doing that to him.  I'm being supportive and I'm asking him what he's going to need so I can help him prepare.  I'm going to be a fucking basket-case when he first moves to campus but I know that he's going to suceed because he's a smart kid and I've done a good job raising him.  (That's what I keep telling myself, and I pray that I can hold on to that when he actually does move.)

Wow, I got way off track here.  Let me get back to my week.

Last Thursday I had a screaming match in my office with my boss that lasted about 45 minutes.  Over the weekend I typed up a resignation letter and was prepared to deliver it on Monday.  Well, Monday didn't turn out as I expected.  Jourdan had been threatened, by text, by a student that she was going to get her boyfriends gun, find Jourdan at school and kill her.

So, you can imagine how well that went over with me.  I went to the head of security at the High school and spent an hour and a half there dealing with that mess.  I mean, these are Freshman girls.  The school did handle it and make sure there was NO gun.  They also contacted the girls mother and she had some serious punishment from the whole ordeal. 

Anyhow, that threw off my whole Monday.  You've got to understand, the second job I took, I hated it.  I hated it like I can't even describe.  I would sit there for hours with nothing to do.  Have you ever sat at a desk with NOTHING to do, but had to try to look busy?  9 hours felt like 17 hours and I just didn't like the software or how the whole payroll deal was set up.  Plus, each week I got nasty emails from the owner telling me I'd made mistakes.

First of all, I've done payroll for like...10 years.  I know how to do payroll.  I know all about payroll taxes, annual returns, etc etc etc.  I think my torture was that I felt like my only option was to leave TMAT and start working full-time for the job I hated.  This is a really shitty place to be.

So, I finally got to the TMAT office on Monday and the minute my boss walked in, I went into his office and closed the door.  I told him I'd had time to think about our conversation on Thursday and I wanted to expand on some thoughts.  Things were much better.  We spent about 45 minutes talking and he honestly wanted to know what was so stressful for me.  Well, favoritism is the one thing that creates alot of stress for me.  It's rampant through our office.  And I'm sorry, but there is one person in our office.....if she doesn't like you (I mean movers) she has influence with her husband....who does the scheduling.  Eventually, the mover she doesnt like is pushed out.

There are other things that I dont' need to discuss here.

After working Monday and Tuesday for ProStaff I decided that it wasn't working for me.  One of the owners agreed and we parted ways.  It was actually a relief for me.  I hated taking Sami to daycare for the extra day.  I really really hated it, and she was missing me so much.  So, I'm back to just one job and I'm trying to deal with it from a different perspective.  We'll see how that works.

Once I made the decision I felt better.  I promised Scott that I would not come home crabby this week, and I kept my promise.  I came home tired as hell, but not cranky. 

Plus, and this is a big one, I went to Jenny Craig a week ago and started the Jenny craig diet on Monday.  As of yesterday I have lost 8 1/2 pounds.  I realize this is probably alot of water weight, but the scale is going down and by eating alot less, and alot healthier you can't tell me some of it is actual weight.  I have been walking every single night.  Most nights, Scott goes with me.  West Michigan is having the best fall.  It's been slightly cool, yet sunny.  So, it's perfect to walk in shorts and a sweatshirt. 

So I didn't walk today, but I went on a field trip with John today to the Wittenback Center.  We spent 2 1/2 hours hiking throught the woods....I felt like that counted as at least my 1 mile walk.

So, lots of positive things happening this week.....and tomorrow I turn 41 years old.  There is no blue swimsuit in my future for next summer.  I'm pledging that right here and now, no more blue swimsuit for next summer.  I do however, have some really sexy lingerie that I intend to wear for our anniversary in April.  I need to lose....oh 45 total pounds....That will put me into a good weight range for my height and build.  I feel like i'm on my way.

I've had so many negative weeks lately, I finally feel like I had a positive wee this week.  It felt good.  I hope that I have many more in my future.  I hope that is also true for my friends out there who are dealing with personal struggles.  I'm keeping them in my prayers, and I keep reminding myself that God has a plan for me.  If something doens't work out it's because He has something else planned for me.  So far, it's keeping me from getting too upset about things.  It's keeping me positive.

Night all.