My Decision Is Unclear

I am still really pissed off about my blog and the fact that someone actually went out of their way to send my sister a facebook message, with my blog address on it, and had her read it....just to upset her.

It was no friend who did this.  I've eliminated several people from my friend list, and actually blocked a couple.  I think there is one more that I need to remove, just to be sure.  I hate to be that way, but my sister is unwilling to rat out whoever the bitch is.

What I don't understand is, I have given my blog address to my sister more than once.  After all this happened I went back through my posts, all 3 years worth, just to see if I had made a habit of slamming on my sister.  I admit that I had made comments about my family but I couldn't find anything I directly meant for my sister.  It's always been her and I against the rest of the family....if you know what I mean.

That's not to say we haven't had our bumps in the road.  There were times we didn't speak to each other for years.  Where did that get us?  Well, it hurt us and it hurt our kids. 

If someone was to ask me right this moment, who is the one person I can always count on?  My answer would be Scott.  Scott is the one I depend on the most, who knows me better than ANYONE else.  He knows everything about me, even the stuff I would be mortified to tell anyone else.  And he's my husband, who else would fit that bill? 

Second in line, is my sister.

You can see above that I changed the name of my post.  I didn't really like dieting mom in chaos.  I mean, it still applies and the web address hasn't changed, but I think the new title is more fitting of my life.  I thought about making a new blog and starting all over again.  The problem is that I've been writing for almost 3 years.  As I scrolled down through them last night and today, I saw alot of good memories, and some painful ones.  Do I really want to throw that away?  I don't know, I just haven't made up my mind yet.

I know that putting your feelings out there on a blog, anyone can read them.  The problem is that you can have a mutual friend who takes a vague blog post about vague facebook posts, fills in the blanks, and then hurts someone I care about.  What the fuck is that about?  I don't get it.

I'm done explaining myself.  I'm just as guilty about the vague post.  I was just thinking out loud and rambling on about vague posts I've read.  I wasn't picking on anyone in particular.  Period!

I feel like this has been great therapy for me.  I used to be able to say anything I wanted on my blog.  Now I have to worry about what I say because someone might read it and report to my family or friends.  Come on Beth, you and I have been doing this blog thing for a long time, tell me what to do.   I feel like it's ruined for me.  I even told my sister to go over to your blog and read a few posts......it's what lead me to my post.  And it wasn't even bad.  it was just random thoughts about something I've done myself.  It's bullshit.

So, that's where I'm at.  My sister even deleted me from her facebook friend list.  She sent me a message saying that she only read the one part, no more than that.  I wish she would read it.  She would find that I mostly talk about how hard it is for me to let Jason move out.  How much of a struggle I've had with my job.  You know I love to talk about my kids, and when I'm bickering with Scott.  When I was looking back, I even had a ton of political stuff.  Why would I care if she read that?

So what do I do....Beth, this is directed at you.  You always have the best advice for me.  I feel like I can no longer write what comes natural to me.  I have to worry about how people are going to interpret it, fill in their own blanks, and then end up hurting someone I care about.  Tell me what to do.