To kick things off, it's our wedding anniversary today. Scott and I have been married for 9 years. It didn't feel like an anniversary. We didn't buy each other cards or gifts. We didn't go out on a date. Scott rolled over and went to sleep without even saying goodnight to me. "I love you's" weren't even exchanged today.
This just sort of tops off my week. Really, the last month has been difficult. Work has been stressful, I've been upset over Jason not getting any hours. It's been stressful at work because we're in the slow season and that's just how things work.
For crying out loud, Scott is snoring so loud it's insane.
In the last week my Grandma really went downhill. She was weak, tired, and disoriented. My Aunt had her come and stay with her and she fell during the night and ended up in the hospital. Well, she spent a couple nights there. I talked to her on the phone in her room and cried my eyes out for half an hour after I hung up with her. She sounded so terrible! For the first time in my life, my Grandma sounded tired and old.
Luckily, my mom and my Aunt sent her to a nursing home. The same nursing home that my mom and dad put my Grandpa in. You can imagine how upset I was over this. It's in Lowell, so I feel like I can keep an eye on her and since there is so much family here in Lowell, we will keep her busy. They told her that she would only be there a week. Lie!
We went to see her yesterday. The halls smelled so bad and there were people just wandering through the halls in their wheelchairs. I stood outside my Grandma's room and cried like a baby for a good 10 minutes. Then, tried to dry out my eyes before I went in so I wouldn't upset her.
Scott was with me, Jourdan and Sami too. She was so happy to see us. She said that the food was so terrible that she could hardly get it down. Well, I saw what was on her plate and I didn't blame her. (Today, she ate Brisket that Scott cooked in our smoker for 7 hours.) Well, we visited for...I don't know....a hour or two and Tina came in too. Grandma is so angry about being there that she told us that she had actually hung up on our Aunt. Wow, that means she was PISSED! I don't blame her. It's a horrible place to be and I hate that she is there.
Well, after we left Grandma's room (my mom's mom) we thought we'd pop down the other hall and see Grandpa (my dad's dad). As soon as we turned the corner toward his hall it smelled beyond disgusting. It smelled like urine and shit and dirty stench. It made me feel sick. They keep moving his room around, for whatever reason, so we made the last turn before his room and there he sat in the middle of the hallway all by himself. He was in his wheelchair.
He'd caught his thumb on a screw in his wheel and ripped it out last week which broke his thumb and required 17 stitches in his thumb. I guess the hospital literally sewed his fingernail back on and his stitches had just been removed the day before. The nurse who takes care of him popped in and let us know.
I can't even type this without crying. He looked so old and so terrible. His hair was messy, his shirt was dirty, and he smelled like he'd done his business in his adult diaper. We convinced him that he should lay down and rest because he was falling asleep in his chair. I can't even describe how heartbreaking it was to see him like this.
When I was a kid my Grandpa looked old to me. He looks the same to me today as he did when I was a little kid. Only now, he's thinner and had a nasty dirty shirt on. A man works hard all his life, gives everything away to his family....who ended up leaving him in this nursing home and moving out of state....and this is where he will be until the end of his life. I don't think it'll be long. All he talks about is leaving.
Well, the nurse came in and we told her that we wanted him to lay down. She said, "Ok Lee, we're gonna have to change you before you lay down.". How long would he have sat in that if we hadn't come along? He'd just gotten over an infection. There is nobody looking after these people. They wander around and they call out to nobody. Grandma told me that the night before a man across the hall had been crying out for a nurse all night long. He died this morning.
Life can really be unfair. A person who lives their life as a good, honest, and generous person shouldn't be in this place at the end of their life. I felt so incredibly bad that when my mom called this morning I screamed at her like I've never screamed before. I was so angry that she and my Aunt put my Grandma in there. There was no reason for it. She has 7 kids and nobody would take her in?
You know what my mom's response was? "Do you want her at YOUR house?" I told her that I have four fucking kids that I have to take care of and that I would gladly take her in and she could stay in Sami's room. Well, fine mom....she can't stay at your house. All of these things are why I screamed at you and said that I have NEVER seen more selfish people in my entire life. My Dad for what he's done to Grandpa and doing right by him for so many years so he would have the money to live his end of life in a better place. Any my Mom for not wanting to be put out by having my Grandma stay with her for a couple of weeks.
It all makes it easier for me to leave this lousy fucking state! Every day it gets easier and easier.
So my conversation with my mom was a screaming match. I told her that Grandma didn't belong in a nursing home and she told me that it wasn't, it is "a rehabilitation facility". Rehabilitation facility my fucking ass. I told her that I can't wait until she is old and I get to put her and dad into Laurels. Tina and I are going to show them the same care and compassion that they have shown their very own parents. All I can say to my parents is that Karma's a bitch!
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