Kim Velting passed away today at home, surrounded by her family. It's a sad day here in Lowell.
My sister and I were out and about going to yard sales this morning, we went to lunch at Macarroni Grill with Sami and Laren. I found all kinds of good deals on clothes and shoes for Sami. We decided to pull into the neighborhood by Meijer since they were having a bunch of yard sales. I was looking at little girl shoes when I saw an ambulance drive up.
I thought that a blue hair must've had too much heat or something. Then it hit me, and I asked the lady who owned the home next door, "is that Kim's house next door?" And she said it was. She felt terrible because she didn't know that she would be home today, she wouldn't have had her sale. Kim's illness had obviously affected her neighborhood as well. Doesn't surprise me because she was always such a kind person.
Well, as I was getting back into my truck, the back doors to the ambulance opened and they wheeled Kim out and into her home, where her family was waiting. I saw Ginny, and probably another neighbor standing on the sidewalk holding hands and saying a prayer.
Kim has two young boys and that just breaks my heart. Kim is my age and I look at how much I've been bitching and complaining about stress, too much laundry, too much housework, and the kids driving me crazy....all while someone I have known almost my whole life was losing her life to cancer. It really makes a person think about how blessed they are.
So, for the second time in about a year I'll be going to the funeral home for a friend from school. I'm so incredibly sad about it. I cried after leaving the yard sale and told my sister that it's just a big slap in the face! REALITY! You don't always have unlimited time. When you love someone, tell them. When you have a fight, don't let it go on for years and lose precious time with loved ones. Tell your husband (or wife) and your kids how much you love them, every single day.
I just told Scott the other day that he sleeps too much. He's an 8 hour a day kind of sleeper....then add in naps it's closer to 9 hours. A person has to rest, but you don't get those hours back. I've been thinking more and more about this lately. I just told Scott last week that we need to increase our life insurance and update our wills and beneficiary stuff. A person just never knows what the future will be, so we shouldn't waste the time we have here.
Tina and I were just talking about the fact that Jason and Dani will both be 18 years old in just a short time. Jason is a Senior and will be graduating in about a month. I feel like he should still be about 8 years old. Where did the last 10 years go? Another example, and maybe I already talked about this. When Scott and I got married we said that we were going to go on an Alaskan cruise for our 10th Wedding Anniversary. That's next year. Where have 10 years gone so fast?
Sami is 2 1/2 and in the blink of an eye she is going to be 18 and graduating. She is laying here next to me on my pillow. She woke up crying and came stumbling in and wanted to lay in bed with us. She is wearing pink flannel spongebob jammies and she looks like a little angel. I also know that she is going to be all grown up so damn fast.
It's my goal to slow down a little bit. Don't get me wrong, the kids still drive me crazy. But I want to remind myself often that life is so short. The little crap in life just can't get you down. I know it's a hell of a lot easier to say than to do....but if you commit yourself to focusing more on your family and learning how to manage your time and stress better.....you won't have any regrets when the time comes for you to go home.
Rest in peace Kimberly Velting.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Reality Check!
Wow, I was in a mood the last time I wrote. Found out a couple of things this week that really put me back into reality.
A classmate of mine, who I've known since....Middle School.....I would have to guess. Well, she is very sick. Last year another friend, Dee Strong passed away and it hit me like a brick. We hadn't spoken in a long time but had started chatting on Facebook. She was so young and it was so sad, and even though we hadn't spoken in a very long time I felt a sadness that I can't even describe. I cried off and on about Dee for a good two to three weeks.
I went to the visitation down at Roth-Gerst with my friend Stacy. Another friend of ours, Kim, had just come from her Doctor and she'd gotten bad news. What I hadn't known was that she had been fighting cancer for quite some time. She said that she had gotten bad news from her doctor, but she didn't elaborate. In my mind I knew because I know how it was for Scott's mom the 6 months of her life. She has young kids for crying out loud. And she is a beautiful, loving, and caring person.
Today, after not being online for about a week, I signed into Facebook to find that Kim was at Spectrum and on a ventilator. Her doctors are trying to send her home Friday to spend her last few days with her family. I'm just in shock. I'm sad because I can't imagine how her husband and her boys are feeling right now, helpless I imagine.
I'm just bitching about it being a long week and how I haven't felt well and then I get a little dose of reality and learn that a friend of mine, the second in such a short time, will be gone soon. What do I have to complain about?
The fact is that I have had a couple of tough weeks and I feel like hell. But compared to so many people, my problems are so simple. I don't handle stress very well and I'm trying to work on that. I've been taking medication for anxiety and am trying to get myself off of that too, and I think that's where my crappy-ness is coming from. Reality Tracy. You have a wonderful husband, four healthy kids, a nice truck, and a roof over your head. You have a gravy job and besides needing to lose some weight, I'm generally healthy. I have the world by the ass and I don't even know it.
My friend Beth is quitting a smoking habit. She is blogging about it, which you should check out. It's listed under my favorite Blog's on this page. I admire her for being strong enough to quit and do whatever she needs to do to quit. It's not easy. I know because I can't even lose a few pounds because I like to eat. I'm a stress eater, that's how it is. Beth, I'm damn proud of you!
Well, this isn't exactly the post I was thinking about today but I went into Facebook first and read about Kim. I'm so sad for her and her family. She is my age and she has young kids. It breaks my heart that they are going to lose their mom. I'm praying for their strength.
A classmate of mine, who I've known since....Middle School.....I would have to guess. Well, she is very sick. Last year another friend, Dee Strong passed away and it hit me like a brick. We hadn't spoken in a long time but had started chatting on Facebook. She was so young and it was so sad, and even though we hadn't spoken in a very long time I felt a sadness that I can't even describe. I cried off and on about Dee for a good two to three weeks.
I went to the visitation down at Roth-Gerst with my friend Stacy. Another friend of ours, Kim, had just come from her Doctor and she'd gotten bad news. What I hadn't known was that she had been fighting cancer for quite some time. She said that she had gotten bad news from her doctor, but she didn't elaborate. In my mind I knew because I know how it was for Scott's mom the 6 months of her life. She has young kids for crying out loud. And she is a beautiful, loving, and caring person.
Today, after not being online for about a week, I signed into Facebook to find that Kim was at Spectrum and on a ventilator. Her doctors are trying to send her home Friday to spend her last few days with her family. I'm just in shock. I'm sad because I can't imagine how her husband and her boys are feeling right now, helpless I imagine.
I'm just bitching about it being a long week and how I haven't felt well and then I get a little dose of reality and learn that a friend of mine, the second in such a short time, will be gone soon. What do I have to complain about?
The fact is that I have had a couple of tough weeks and I feel like hell. But compared to so many people, my problems are so simple. I don't handle stress very well and I'm trying to work on that. I've been taking medication for anxiety and am trying to get myself off of that too, and I think that's where my crappy-ness is coming from. Reality Tracy. You have a wonderful husband, four healthy kids, a nice truck, and a roof over your head. You have a gravy job and besides needing to lose some weight, I'm generally healthy. I have the world by the ass and I don't even know it.
My friend Beth is quitting a smoking habit. She is blogging about it, which you should check out. It's listed under my favorite Blog's on this page. I admire her for being strong enough to quit and do whatever she needs to do to quit. It's not easy. I know because I can't even lose a few pounds because I like to eat. I'm a stress eater, that's how it is. Beth, I'm damn proud of you!
Well, this isn't exactly the post I was thinking about today but I went into Facebook first and read about Kim. I'm so sad for her and her family. She is my age and she has young kids. It breaks my heart that they are going to lose their mom. I'm praying for their strength.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Your Time Is Coming
To kick things off, it's our wedding anniversary today. Scott and I have been married for 9 years. It didn't feel like an anniversary. We didn't buy each other cards or gifts. We didn't go out on a date. Scott rolled over and went to sleep without even saying goodnight to me. "I love you's" weren't even exchanged today.
This just sort of tops off my week. Really, the last month has been difficult. Work has been stressful, I've been upset over Jason not getting any hours. It's been stressful at work because we're in the slow season and that's just how things work.
For crying out loud, Scott is snoring so loud it's insane.
In the last week my Grandma really went downhill. She was weak, tired, and disoriented. My Aunt had her come and stay with her and she fell during the night and ended up in the hospital. Well, she spent a couple nights there. I talked to her on the phone in her room and cried my eyes out for half an hour after I hung up with her. She sounded so terrible! For the first time in my life, my Grandma sounded tired and old.
Luckily, my mom and my Aunt sent her to a nursing home. The same nursing home that my mom and dad put my Grandpa in. You can imagine how upset I was over this. It's in Lowell, so I feel like I can keep an eye on her and since there is so much family here in Lowell, we will keep her busy. They told her that she would only be there a week. Lie!
We went to see her yesterday. The halls smelled so bad and there were people just wandering through the halls in their wheelchairs. I stood outside my Grandma's room and cried like a baby for a good 10 minutes. Then, tried to dry out my eyes before I went in so I wouldn't upset her.
Scott was with me, Jourdan and Sami too. She was so happy to see us. She said that the food was so terrible that she could hardly get it down. Well, I saw what was on her plate and I didn't blame her. (Today, she ate Brisket that Scott cooked in our smoker for 7 hours.) Well, we visited for...I don't know....a hour or two and Tina came in too. Grandma is so angry about being there that she told us that she had actually hung up on our Aunt. Wow, that means she was PISSED! I don't blame her. It's a horrible place to be and I hate that she is there.
Well, after we left Grandma's room (my mom's mom) we thought we'd pop down the other hall and see Grandpa (my dad's dad). As soon as we turned the corner toward his hall it smelled beyond disgusting. It smelled like urine and shit and dirty stench. It made me feel sick. They keep moving his room around, for whatever reason, so we made the last turn before his room and there he sat in the middle of the hallway all by himself. He was in his wheelchair.
He'd caught his thumb on a screw in his wheel and ripped it out last week which broke his thumb and required 17 stitches in his thumb. I guess the hospital literally sewed his fingernail back on and his stitches had just been removed the day before. The nurse who takes care of him popped in and let us know.
I can't even type this without crying. He looked so old and so terrible. His hair was messy, his shirt was dirty, and he smelled like he'd done his business in his adult diaper. We convinced him that he should lay down and rest because he was falling asleep in his chair. I can't even describe how heartbreaking it was to see him like this.
When I was a kid my Grandpa looked old to me. He looks the same to me today as he did when I was a little kid. Only now, he's thinner and had a nasty dirty shirt on. A man works hard all his life, gives everything away to his family....who ended up leaving him in this nursing home and moving out of state....and this is where he will be until the end of his life. I don't think it'll be long. All he talks about is leaving.
Well, the nurse came in and we told her that we wanted him to lay down. She said, "Ok Lee, we're gonna have to change you before you lay down.". How long would he have sat in that if we hadn't come along? He'd just gotten over an infection. There is nobody looking after these people. They wander around and they call out to nobody. Grandma told me that the night before a man across the hall had been crying out for a nurse all night long. He died this morning.
Life can really be unfair. A person who lives their life as a good, honest, and generous person shouldn't be in this place at the end of their life. I felt so incredibly bad that when my mom called this morning I screamed at her like I've never screamed before. I was so angry that she and my Aunt put my Grandma in there. There was no reason for it. She has 7 kids and nobody would take her in?
You know what my mom's response was? "Do you want her at YOUR house?" I told her that I have four fucking kids that I have to take care of and that I would gladly take her in and she could stay in Sami's room. Well, fine mom....she can't stay at your house. All of these things are why I screamed at you and said that I have NEVER seen more selfish people in my entire life. My Dad for what he's done to Grandpa and doing right by him for so many years so he would have the money to live his end of life in a better place. Any my Mom for not wanting to be put out by having my Grandma stay with her for a couple of weeks.
It all makes it easier for me to leave this lousy fucking state! Every day it gets easier and easier.
So my conversation with my mom was a screaming match. I told her that Grandma didn't belong in a nursing home and she told me that it wasn't, it is "a rehabilitation facility". Rehabilitation facility my fucking ass. I told her that I can't wait until she is old and I get to put her and dad into Laurels. Tina and I are going to show them the same care and compassion that they have shown their very own parents. All I can say to my parents is that Karma's a bitch!
This just sort of tops off my week. Really, the last month has been difficult. Work has been stressful, I've been upset over Jason not getting any hours. It's been stressful at work because we're in the slow season and that's just how things work.
For crying out loud, Scott is snoring so loud it's insane.
In the last week my Grandma really went downhill. She was weak, tired, and disoriented. My Aunt had her come and stay with her and she fell during the night and ended up in the hospital. Well, she spent a couple nights there. I talked to her on the phone in her room and cried my eyes out for half an hour after I hung up with her. She sounded so terrible! For the first time in my life, my Grandma sounded tired and old.
Luckily, my mom and my Aunt sent her to a nursing home. The same nursing home that my mom and dad put my Grandpa in. You can imagine how upset I was over this. It's in Lowell, so I feel like I can keep an eye on her and since there is so much family here in Lowell, we will keep her busy. They told her that she would only be there a week. Lie!
We went to see her yesterday. The halls smelled so bad and there were people just wandering through the halls in their wheelchairs. I stood outside my Grandma's room and cried like a baby for a good 10 minutes. Then, tried to dry out my eyes before I went in so I wouldn't upset her.
Scott was with me, Jourdan and Sami too. She was so happy to see us. She said that the food was so terrible that she could hardly get it down. Well, I saw what was on her plate and I didn't blame her. (Today, she ate Brisket that Scott cooked in our smoker for 7 hours.) Well, we visited for...I don't know....a hour or two and Tina came in too. Grandma is so angry about being there that she told us that she had actually hung up on our Aunt. Wow, that means she was PISSED! I don't blame her. It's a horrible place to be and I hate that she is there.
Well, after we left Grandma's room (my mom's mom) we thought we'd pop down the other hall and see Grandpa (my dad's dad). As soon as we turned the corner toward his hall it smelled beyond disgusting. It smelled like urine and shit and dirty stench. It made me feel sick. They keep moving his room around, for whatever reason, so we made the last turn before his room and there he sat in the middle of the hallway all by himself. He was in his wheelchair.
He'd caught his thumb on a screw in his wheel and ripped it out last week which broke his thumb and required 17 stitches in his thumb. I guess the hospital literally sewed his fingernail back on and his stitches had just been removed the day before. The nurse who takes care of him popped in and let us know.
I can't even type this without crying. He looked so old and so terrible. His hair was messy, his shirt was dirty, and he smelled like he'd done his business in his adult diaper. We convinced him that he should lay down and rest because he was falling asleep in his chair. I can't even describe how heartbreaking it was to see him like this.
When I was a kid my Grandpa looked old to me. He looks the same to me today as he did when I was a little kid. Only now, he's thinner and had a nasty dirty shirt on. A man works hard all his life, gives everything away to his family....who ended up leaving him in this nursing home and moving out of state....and this is where he will be until the end of his life. I don't think it'll be long. All he talks about is leaving.
Well, the nurse came in and we told her that we wanted him to lay down. She said, "Ok Lee, we're gonna have to change you before you lay down.". How long would he have sat in that if we hadn't come along? He'd just gotten over an infection. There is nobody looking after these people. They wander around and they call out to nobody. Grandma told me that the night before a man across the hall had been crying out for a nurse all night long. He died this morning.
Life can really be unfair. A person who lives their life as a good, honest, and generous person shouldn't be in this place at the end of their life. I felt so incredibly bad that when my mom called this morning I screamed at her like I've never screamed before. I was so angry that she and my Aunt put my Grandma in there. There was no reason for it. She has 7 kids and nobody would take her in?
You know what my mom's response was? "Do you want her at YOUR house?" I told her that I have four fucking kids that I have to take care of and that I would gladly take her in and she could stay in Sami's room. Well, fine mom....she can't stay at your house. All of these things are why I screamed at you and said that I have NEVER seen more selfish people in my entire life. My Dad for what he's done to Grandpa and doing right by him for so many years so he would have the money to live his end of life in a better place. Any my Mom for not wanting to be put out by having my Grandma stay with her for a couple of weeks.
It all makes it easier for me to leave this lousy fucking state! Every day it gets easier and easier.
So my conversation with my mom was a screaming match. I told her that Grandma didn't belong in a nursing home and she told me that it wasn't, it is "a rehabilitation facility". Rehabilitation facility my fucking ass. I told her that I can't wait until she is old and I get to put her and dad into Laurels. Tina and I are going to show them the same care and compassion that they have shown their very own parents. All I can say to my parents is that Karma's a bitch!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter
I just saw the dumbest commercial ever. It showed a bicycle and barbed wire started wrapping around the bike seat. Then a chick in a gay helmet started to climb on and the barbed wire vanished....all because she was using Preparation H! Then they show her riding away with her ass planted on the seat and both her feet off the pedals....smiling away because the Preparation H made her "roids" less swelled, burning and itching. Ok, I hit rewind on my DVR three times to make sure I had that right. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
So I'm surfing to see if there is anything good on TV to listen to while I happily type in my Blog. My options are:
*Cheaters (with a commercial that just advertised a dating website called "nocheatersdate.com") Alrighty then.
*Look Good Naked - yeah I don't think so
*Psychic Hollywood - I predict this is a stupid show.......yep I was right.
*Quit Smoking Today - Naaaa
*Cyclops - WTF?
*The Golden Girls - Ok, I'm not that desperate.
*40 Most Shocking Celebrity Divorces - nuff said.
Guess I'll settle on The Nanny! See what I was talking about the other day....how great it is to have a blog? You can talk about whatever you want....and it feels good.
The kids are so excited that tomorrow is Easter. I feel really bad because I feel like I've gone through the whole little kids being excited over holiday song and dance long ago. Now, we have two little kids who are excited about the Easter bunny and coloring Easter eggs. I feel so bad, I totally forgot about coloring easter eggs. It's always been a big deal in our family and for some reason, this year, it went right out of my head.
It's always been a family deal. Scott loves to color Easter eggs with the kids. He has every year since we've been together and all of the sudden I realized this morning that I didn't even have eggs for the kids to color. I did buy the Paas! But no eggs, what kind of mom am I? So, when we went grocery shopping today I got three dozen eggs and boiled them, but they were too hot to color. So, we can color them in the morning.
The Easter Bunny has been here, and he has even hidden eggs for the kids to find. John was so excited he couldn't stand it. He went right to bed and was out cold in about 5 minutes. I'm sure he'll be up at the crack of dawn. Sami doesn't realize what it all means yet, but she'll be excited in the morning when she starts looking for Easter eggs filled with money and goodies. Johns excitement was so sweet! I had to remind myself that even though I don't feel like coloring eggs, it's all new to John and Sami. I need to remember to enjoy it and let them enjoy it too.
So I'm surfing to see if there is anything good on TV to listen to while I happily type in my Blog. My options are:
*Cheaters (with a commercial that just advertised a dating website called "nocheatersdate.com") Alrighty then.
*Look Good Naked - yeah I don't think so
*Psychic Hollywood - I predict this is a stupid show.......yep I was right.
*Quit Smoking Today - Naaaa
*Cyclops - WTF?
*The Golden Girls - Ok, I'm not that desperate.
*40 Most Shocking Celebrity Divorces - nuff said.
Guess I'll settle on The Nanny! See what I was talking about the other day....how great it is to have a blog? You can talk about whatever you want....and it feels good.
The kids are so excited that tomorrow is Easter. I feel really bad because I feel like I've gone through the whole little kids being excited over holiday song and dance long ago. Now, we have two little kids who are excited about the Easter bunny and coloring Easter eggs. I feel so bad, I totally forgot about coloring easter eggs. It's always been a big deal in our family and for some reason, this year, it went right out of my head.
It's always been a family deal. Scott loves to color Easter eggs with the kids. He has every year since we've been together and all of the sudden I realized this morning that I didn't even have eggs for the kids to color. I did buy the Paas! But no eggs, what kind of mom am I? So, when we went grocery shopping today I got three dozen eggs and boiled them, but they were too hot to color. So, we can color them in the morning.
The Easter Bunny has been here, and he has even hidden eggs for the kids to find. John was so excited he couldn't stand it. He went right to bed and was out cold in about 5 minutes. I'm sure he'll be up at the crack of dawn. Sami doesn't realize what it all means yet, but she'll be excited in the morning when she starts looking for Easter eggs filled with money and goodies. Johns excitement was so sweet! I had to remind myself that even though I don't feel like coloring eggs, it's all new to John and Sami. I need to remember to enjoy it and let them enjoy it too.
Friday, April 2, 2010
My Therapy Session
I've discovered over this past year how important a journal is. I've also discovered how important my Blog is. What's the difference you ask? Well, if anyone were to ready my personal journal they would think that I am married to the biggest asshole this side of the Mississippi! When you read my Blog, I'm a little more laid back. I bitch about politics, give updates on my kids, talk about relationships and friendships. All things that I choose to just throw out there into the atmosphere.
Both things make me feel good. Have you ever written in a journal or started a blog? If you have an ounce of stress in your life.....lets see if I can make that more clear. If you have a husband or a boyfriend, any children, a job, bills, friends, etc. you need to have a journal or a blog. Trust me when I say this. It can be liberating.
Let's start with my personal journal. Oh how I bitch and complain. Seriously, when I write in my journal it's because I'm mad and seriously stressed about something. Sometimes it's Scott and sometimes it's my family or even Paul. There is ALOT of bitching about Paul. But, that's to be expected. Do you know how good it feels to just be able to write or type whatever you are really feeling because you know that you are the only one who will ever see it? (Well, at least until you die and your kids snoop through your stuff, lol). But seriously, it's like the cheapest therapy a person can get.
Now, on to the Blog. It's a similar beast, but I don't just blurt out any old thing that crosses my ming. I don't want everyone to think I am married to the biggest asshole this side of the Mississippi, because I'm not. We all have our moments and I don't want to cloud anyone's judgement of my marriage because I'm having one of my temper tantrums. So, I keep that for the journal and know that it's for my eyes only.
So, the Blog is something that you can share with your friends. You can dish out your opinion, you can share information with your friends and family. You can talk politics, whatever you please. One of my co-workers wife had a link on her facebook to her mothers blog. It was a beautiful blog with photo's of her home, and sweet stories about her family and grandchildren. She's crafty so she had pictures of the neat things she has made. I loved her blog, it was homey and warm, and loving. A far cry from my Blog....but who am I kidding....this is ME!
So I'm enjoying my Blog. I love bitching about politics and boy do I have alot to bitch about right now. I'll get to that later. I appreciate the opportunity to share my random thoughts and I have no idea if anyone reads them or not. I just like putting them out there and it makes me feel better.
Both things make me feel good. Have you ever written in a journal or started a blog? If you have an ounce of stress in your life.....lets see if I can make that more clear. If you have a husband or a boyfriend, any children, a job, bills, friends, etc. you need to have a journal or a blog. Trust me when I say this. It can be liberating.
Let's start with my personal journal. Oh how I bitch and complain. Seriously, when I write in my journal it's because I'm mad and seriously stressed about something. Sometimes it's Scott and sometimes it's my family or even Paul. There is ALOT of bitching about Paul. But, that's to be expected. Do you know how good it feels to just be able to write or type whatever you are really feeling because you know that you are the only one who will ever see it? (Well, at least until you die and your kids snoop through your stuff, lol). But seriously, it's like the cheapest therapy a person can get.
Now, on to the Blog. It's a similar beast, but I don't just blurt out any old thing that crosses my ming. I don't want everyone to think I am married to the biggest asshole this side of the Mississippi, because I'm not. We all have our moments and I don't want to cloud anyone's judgement of my marriage because I'm having one of my temper tantrums. So, I keep that for the journal and know that it's for my eyes only.
So, the Blog is something that you can share with your friends. You can dish out your opinion, you can share information with your friends and family. You can talk politics, whatever you please. One of my co-workers wife had a link on her facebook to her mothers blog. It was a beautiful blog with photo's of her home, and sweet stories about her family and grandchildren. She's crafty so she had pictures of the neat things she has made. I loved her blog, it was homey and warm, and loving. A far cry from my Blog....but who am I kidding....this is ME!
So I'm enjoying my Blog. I love bitching about politics and boy do I have alot to bitch about right now. I'll get to that later. I appreciate the opportunity to share my random thoughts and I have no idea if anyone reads them or not. I just like putting them out there and it makes me feel better.
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