A Helping Hand? No Thanks, I'm All Set

I know I frustrate my husband.  I'm one of these people that find it hard to accept help when I feel like I can do something for myself.  I've been struggling with this the last couple of weeks and I'm trying to figure out how I can break myself of this....I'll call it a habit!

A couple years ago I fell down our basement steps and injured my back and neck and I've had issues off and on ever since then.  Every few months I would have a flare up with my neck and with the help of my chiropractor I would eventually get better.  Well, last summer it happened again.  I simply slept wrong on my side and it got my neck fired up.  I had a pinched nerve in my neck and it was sending pain down my right arm.  I made several trips to the chirpractor but it just got worse with each visit.  I got to the point that I was in so much pain that I would break out in a sweat...and even vomit because of the pain.

Well, I had to break down and see my family doctor.  Two days later I had an MRI and was told that my C5, C6, and C7 discs were ruptured.  Well, it was pinching a nerve that went down my arm so I was in terrible pain in my neck, my shoulder, my arm and my hand.  I even had pain that was reaching down into my chest. I was MISERABLE.  I didn't want surgery so I was sent to PT.  Well, after four months of that I was a little better but not cured.  It simply relieved some of my symptoms so I could function but I was still taking alot of pain medication.  And I don't like to take pills, I hear way too many horror stories about becoming addicted to pain pills and about the tylenol in them destroying your liver.

I finally broke down and agreed to see a surgeon.  I went on a Wednesday and on Friday I was at Metro Health hospital having surgery. 

When I woke up from the surgery the pain in my shoulder blade, shoulder, arm, and chest was gone.  I had alot of pain from the surgery of course, but it was shocking to me at the relief I felt after my nerve was unpinched.  If you know anything about this type of surgery then you know they go in through the front of your throat, which for the first week and a half was the most painful area for me.  I have about a 3 1/2 inch incision on the right front of my neck.  They have to do alot of rooting and moving things around in there so it's been rather painful during recovery. 

To repair the discs they actually cut a portion of my 3 discs out and replace it with donor bone.  It's put in place with a set of titanium brackets and 4 screws in each vertabra.  So, the back of the neck is incredibly sore as well.  I have a neck brace and was told to wear it 3 weeks.  The new bone has to fuse of course and everything is swollen and sore. 

Here is where things get sticky.  I was told not to drive for 2 weeks, but I have 3 kids at home.  We do school of choice so I have to transport the kids everyday to and from school.  My little one has a cooking class on Fridays too.  So, I can't NOT drive for 2 weeks. 

I have wonderful friends.  Friends who called or text me every day after my surgery to check on me and make sure I had what I needed.  They brought meals to my house so I wouldn't have to worry about dinner for my family and asked me each night if I needed them to get my kids to and from school.  These amazing friends of mine wanted to help take care of me and my family.  So, why couldn't I let them?

My husband is not a lazy kind of guy.  While I was in the hospital he cleaned the carpet for me in the livingroom.  I came home and the house was spotless.  My husband and my daughter are completely capable and willing to help me out around the house.  So, why couldn't I let them?

When I was in the hospital a nurse had asked me how well I handle pain.  My sister happened to be in there at the time and she made a comment basically saying that I was a wimp when it comes to pain.  Now, I'm not getting after her for saying that.....not at all.  In the past I was like that. But as I've grown older and had to deal with surgery situations while taking care of kids and house....I think I've just learned how to suck it up and deal with it.  I had my youngest by C-section and the day after I got home from the hospital I was driving my son to school.  I spent a couple of days in the recliner relaxing but then it was back to normal with housework and such.

Last year I had a hysterectomy and I was down for about 5 days but after that it was business as usual.  That's major surgery that put's women out of work for 6 weeks.  My mom was off 6 weeks and milked it for everything she could.  I guess I'm getting at the fact that I had too much to do to be down and out after surgery.  In my sister's defense, she hasn't seen me like this before so I wasn't offended when she said it.  Because at one time it was true.

Now I sit here with my neck surgery, just 14 days ago, and I'm business as usual.  So I'm miserable and in pain.  My house is clean and the dishes are done, but I'm miserable and in pain.  No milking the surgery for me.  I think way back I might have wanted sympathy from my ex when I was in pain but that's just because he was an ass.  I just don't feel that way anymore.  I know I can write it here because none of my friends who live really close are going to read this. 

You'll notice when I was explaining all of this I didn't say that my parents called to check on me, ask how I was doing or did I need anything?  I would ask my mom for help.  I WOULD!  It's different for family and my sister did help me alot.  She took my youngest the day I had surgery, brought them to the hospital to see me, ran my kids all over the country side!  I appreciated that and I would do the same for her.  Matter of fact, I would do the same for any of my friends, but that's a different story.  My mom did call once during the week after my surgery to ask how I was doing.  I don't know, I guess I'm just a different kind of mom.  It makes no sense to me that they wouldn't call and ask if I needed help with anything or with the kids.

Now that I have it all in writing, I can see my answer forming on the page.  I've pretty much just had me to depend on for most of my life so it's hard for me to put someone out.  Even when they want to help.  I would think nothing of a friend calling me and asking for help, yet I'm not willing to let my friends help.  That bothers me.  It's actually kind of rude the way I've been.  But I'm not used to anyone giving a crap.  And I know I do it to my husband too.  I CAN depend on him and he's nothing like anyone in my past but it's been hard for me to rely on him even around the house. 

So I'm wondering how to break this cycle.  It hurts my feelings that my parents haven't really called me or offered me help with my house or kids.  Mostly that I don't get the check-up call.  Good heavens, I do that with my oldest son and he's a 20 year old....but I still call and check on him and do odds and ends to help him out.  So what do you think?  Is there hope for me?

Until next time, thanks for lending your ear. 

I have the Winter Blah....But Valentines Day is Here!

It seems like winter lasts forever in Michigan.  We can go days....sometimes even weeks....without seeing the sun.  Today is Valentines Day, and the sun is shining.  I'm sitting here at the kitchen table looking out the window into my backyard.  It's a large yard covered in a clean layer of white snow, glistening in the sunlight and my dreams of an early spring....well they are hanging heavy on me.  My husband just mentioned yesterday that experts are calling for a "warmer than normal" March and that is very exciting to me.  Last year we had a 2 or 3 week period that was so warm that I wore shorts!  Keeping my fingers crossed.

My kids are excited about it being Valentines Day.  They filled out their Valentine cards this week and they are excited to pass them out at school parties today.  I usually get the kids a little treat or a small gift for Valentines Day.  My son asked me for a box of Altoids.....ok, he's weird, lol.  Last year it was a chocolate fish that he wanted.  I aim to please. 

The best part for me on Valentines Day.......is DATE NIGHT!!!!  Married, 4 kids, 2 digs, big house to manage and keep clean and organized....there aren't too many date nights these days.  Who has the energy?  My husband works crazy early hours so by 7:30 p.m. he's headed off to bed and I'm still up dealing with snacks, showers, brushing teeth and story time.  But I can always count on Valentines Day for a really great date with my hubby.  I like to get flowers, not really that big on the chocolates anymore, but just knowing that I get my husband all to myself for a while tonight is making this day wonderful.

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about the ways that Valentines Day is special to each of them.  One said it was more of a romantic day for couples and the other said that it was more of a family day for her.  I really liked that because she explained that it used to be about sharing love as a couple, then when they had their children they are the loves of their lives. So, they celebrate Valentines Day as a family.  That spoke to me because I wasn't raised that way.  It was really more about a romantic couple kind of day, but really it's about celebrating the love you have for others in your life.  So, while I'm excited about my date with my hubby tonight, it was a nice reminder that Valentines Day is about so much more than that.

I have two friends who own a local flower shop and I've helped them out a little bit here and there to get ready for the big day.  I love walking into their flower shop.  The smell of roses, tulips, and hyacinth greet you at the door.  There are flowers of every color in every direction.  What a lovely way to spend the day.  So, I'm off to help a lending hand.  I noticed on my way through town this morning that they opened early today.  They have everything that every husband, boyfriend, or dad would need for their special someone today. 

I hope your day is wonderful.  Share the love with all your loved ones.  Life is so short so don't take a minute for granted. 

Happy Valentines Day